Hi! I'm back!

[SpuriusMaximus]

Well, no, seriously, an omniscient God would already know what everyone's objection is, and who isn't going to be swayed by more illogical handwaving by apologists or comedy routines by the class clown.

 

[Ivor the Engineer]

What is the meaning of life?

To worship me. Duh!

And why did you go away thousands of years. That's very inconsiderate of you. Please go away once again and this time take with you every human that believes in you so the rest of us can actually live in paradise* on earth.



* Not that I think 'the rest of us' are saints, but with several billion people gone, many major world problems that all come from overpopulation are solved in one go.

Wouldn't I then have to take you with me?

 

[Ivor the Engineer]

Well, no, seriously, an omniscient God would already know what everyone's objection is, and who isn't going to be swayed by more illogical handwaving by apologists or comedy routines by the class clown.

But I'm also omnipotent. In giving you free will I also deny myself knowledge of your objections.

So Hans, my child, tell me what I need to do to convince you I'm God?

 

[DC]

Hi guys, I'm back after a couple of thousand years.

What do I have to do to convince you I'm God?

for some not much, just make the tides come in and go out.

 

[welshdean]

I've run out of beer... but I got tap-loads of water. Can you help me out?

 

[Ivor the Engineer]

I've run out of beer... but I got tap-loads of water. Can you help me out?

I'm sorry Welshdean, I only do water into wine* I'm afraid.







*Well that's what I tell the gullible fools who believe it's possible to turn water into wine. All I actually do is cut myself and bleed into the water when no one is looking.

 

[oldplaney]

You must make a tornado, a hurricane, a volcanic eruption, a tsunami, a blizzard, an earthquake, an ice age, desertification, a swarm of locusts, and a meteor crash into the earth all at once, and they must all be non-interconnected.

 

[Dave Rogers]

Hi guys, I'm back after a couple of thousand years.

What do I have to do to convince you I'm God?

Just get half a dozen selected members of the forum to admit that the Holocaust really happened. I'd PM you a list, but if you're God you'll already know who I'm talking about.

Dave

 

[Ivor the Engineer]

You must make a tornado, a hurricane, a volcanic eruption, a tsunami, a blizzard, an earthquake, an ice age, desertification, a swarm of locusts, and a meteor crash into the earth all at once, and they must all be non-interconnected.

In your locale?

 

[linusrichard]

So God, did Sir Francis Drake really circumcise the world.

Come on, finish the joke...



With a hundred-foot clipper?

 

[C_Felix]

Prove to me that you're no fool...
Walk across my swimming pool.

Prove to me you're devine,
Change my water into

That's all you need do!
And I'll know it all true!

 

[KingMerv00]

No, just Magellan...

Magellan didn't get all the way around the globe. Got was stabbed to death in Mactan.

 

[Normal Dude]

Unleash a plague of fat cats.

There's one in my garage already! The Rapture has begun!

 

[Sword_Of_Truth]

So if God the Father and Jesus Christ each created an account on JREF, would that be a violation of Rule 7 or not?

Not under Mormon theology.

 

[TubbaBlubba]

Not under Mormon theology.

What if they write in faux-KJV English?

 

[Garrette]

Magellan didn't get all the way around the globe. Got was stabbed to death in Mactan.

Was my joke so incomprehensible?

 

[KingMerv00]

Was my joke so incomprehensible?

Nope. My need to nitpick is unstoppable.

 

[oldplaney]

In your locale?

No, it can be anywhere on the earth. They must all happen at exactly the same time.

 

[BTMO]

I'm sorry Welshdean, I only do water into wine* I'm afraid.

I can turn wine, beer and pretty much anything else into a pale yellow, strange smelling fluid.

Perhaps *I* am God?

 

[Garrette]

Nope. My need to nitpick is unstoppable.

Ah. Carry on, then. We have much in common.