So please, Jonathan. I'm getting curious. What was it about the film that "destroyed a wonderful summer"? Why are you "haunted for life" by it? Were you really so invested in the British upper classes' right to ride their horses after a pack of dogs, chasing a fox that they wanted to see ripped to pieces, that the legislation to ban that activity has done this to you? I'm quite confused here.
Well... Where do I begin?
For 3 years, I had been struggling with a severe issue with my faith in Christianity. Towards the end of the whole ordeal I was growing so frustrated, sad, scared and angry, that I was beginning to curse and hit stuff. I think I might have even said a few times that I hated God. I noticed this and it was scaring me and I didn't want to go down that path. I tried praying and it seemed to help, but in reality, it was just a temporary placebo effect. I vowed that every time the issue began to worry me, I would pray. It grew less and less effective each time. One day, I was talking to an atheist on AIM about it and he kept telling me how Christianity was ********, but, being a Christian, I refused to believe it. However, I was in a weakened state and he pointed out the verse where Moses Commands his men to kill the Medianites and kill all the boys and women and men, but spare the young girls to keep as sex slaves. I was speechlessly appalled and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. My God was cruel and oppressive and evil. How could this be? How could he treat people like this? The truth then became obvious to me: That this wasn't a book inspired by God. It was the ONLY thing that made sense of the issue I had. It was the only thing that made the bible make sense: It was a fairy tale written by ignorant Bronze Age men. That night, my world-view massively shaken up, I went to bed thinking "Okay... This is all a dream... None of it is real... When I wake up, Everything will be alright and I'll be in paradise again." I immediately created my own realm in my own head where I had all of my hearts desires. I figured that this world was just an illusion and that none of the people in it were real. I awoke the next day thinking about what had happened the previous night. I re-thought my fantasy world and realized that it was an emergency defense mechanism to cling to until I could start thinking about things more clearly. I then said to myself "Okay, that's it! I am now 100% neutral on the grounds of religion!" I said "God, if you love me, you'll let me go and think about what to do and if I die during that time, you won't hold it against me for not being sure!" It was an unbelievably refreshing feeling! It was like living in a crowded house for so long and taking everything outside and putting each item back one by one and making it more livable. However, I was also terrified that I was going to thrown in hell for my disbelie and "idolatry". But I said to God "Look, you're making this VERY difficult for me to actually believe in you! I'm extremely confused right now, so here's the deal: Don't let Satan influence me. Show me the right path. Show me your wisdom. If Christianity is right, then please lead me back to it! If not, let me go! Please do it within a week!" And a week passed... Nothing happened... I was still a bit scared of hell, but it slowly subsided. This was such a wonderful time for me. It was Spring-time, it was sunny, the birds were singing, the flowers were blooming, and for the first time in a long time, I didn't have chains wrapped around my soul... I could now start looking at religions... Buddhism, Hinduism, Paganism... I really felt compelled to worship a female deity and now that the monster called Yahweh was out of my life, I had freedom to do that... I also enjoyed listening to Brett-Keane on youtube, even though I didn't agree with his views on gods and death. His voice... I'll always remember his voice... Sadly, shortly after I subscribed to him, his account was suspended... I remember waking up early every morning to watch the beautiful sunrise and hear the birds sing. I remember the morning I would wake up to find it raining and I would open the balcony to see everything look so green and alive as well as the serene sound of the rain and the stream flowing and the smell of the fresh air... This was paradise... Right in my own yard... I remember the huge grin that I got on my face when I realized "Hey... I'm allowed to have sex before marriage now!!!" I also remember watching a new anime called Love Hina. It gave me hope of finding a girlfriend because if a guy like Keitaro could get someone like Naru, so could I! On July 1st, Canada day, I remember watching the fireworks outside the Chinese restaurant where I work... I remember how I stood next to my employer's cute niece who was visiting from China... It was the closest thing to a date I ever had. Standing next to a cute girl and watching the beautiful colours burst in the sky... It gave me an incredible feeling of peace and serenity. However, during the time, I was starting to feel troubled by the notion of death as well as the concept of the end of the universe. Though, the amount of peace I felt allowed me to easily tune it out. I also looked forward to moving out and getting my own place... The future never looked as optimistic as it did at this point...
It was about half way or so through watching the Love Hina series that it all went wrong. Little did I know was that just as my happiness was at it's hight and my joy at it's zenith, an atomic **** bomb was about to explode with diarrhea all over my experience... It was in the early part of July... I think about the 3rd or 4th that I got a PM on my youtube from UnderlinedSociety saying "Hey, I think I found a video that you'll love!" I click on it and it's a video about religion... Talks about how Jesus was supposedly plagiarized from previous messiahs and how it was all about Sun Worship. Obviously, I loved it. But realizing it was only part one... I wanted to see more... I sent it to various people and asked what it was called... "Zeitgeist" one of the said. So, I typed it in on Google Video and sure enough, there was parts 2 and 3... Part 2 opened up with footage of 9/11. I first assumed "Oh, this must be talking about what religion drives people to do!" Instead, it slowly and incrementally crept up on me in perfect brainwashing fashion: "9/11 was an inside job!". When I saw it, I was outraged! "What ELSE are they doing behind out backs?!" I asked. I was ready to take action and get the truth out there! Then, came part 3 talking about the so called "Income tax scam." That too, outraged me! But this was nothing compared to the damage that was about to happen to my mind next: The one world government. And even more terrifying... The RFID "tracking" chip. As you can imagine... I was terrified... Infact... I was so terrified, I could barely move... I just laid on my bed, with my digits as cold as ice, despite the hot and sweaty day. I managed to go to work that night, but I was just scared stiff... I even wondered to myself if my boss's niece had been suckered into getting that demonic chip put into her hand... When I went to sleep that night, I remember that even in my dreams, I felt an incredible terror... I dreamed I was playing some sort of game of tetris, the whole time, terrified. So much so, that I woke up screaming. That night, I went into the new restaurant which opened up... And I will always have bad memories whenever I go into that place... I remember watching all the people... All the ignorant people oblivious to their impending oppression. I felt so sorry for each one of them... I remember sitting there in fear... Eating my unflavored cheesecake in the burgundy, lowly lit room... In my head rang what Kaiser Dragon from Final Fantasy 6 Advance tells the party when you finally reach him: "Humans and your insatiable greed! Your lust for power always leads to a lust for blood!" I had heard the whole RFID chip thing before on a Christian video on youtube about how the chip was the "Mark of the beast", but that was when I was a Christian, and I didn't care then because I was worrying about the other issue instead. But since I saw this, I was reminded of it and wondering "Oh no... Could the bible be true after-all? Is this revelations coming true?" which prompted me to read the entire book of revelation... It was incredibly vague and figured "Eh, it's too vague to tell." I thought to myself "I can't just let this happen! I have to try to stop it!" And to do this, I thought I would dress up as a ninja to cover my hair, wear gloves to stop them to getting fingerprints, use a computer with a voice synthesizer to speak while handing out pamphlets I made about the New World Order, with website links on it which would include my own anonymous website. I would inform everybody I possibly could about what was going on... Fortunately, before I could get that far, my friend on the internet told me how ******* the whole idea was, and how retarded the conspiracy theories were. However, it look a long time for me to recover. The beauty in the world I had seen before I watched the movie had been tarnished by irrational fear. Infact, for a long time, I couldn't even look at a credit card without my stomach turning. Or even just good old cash for that matter. However, my friend helped me through the rough patches, and then, about a month ago, I came upon this forum, which is like an Oasis in a vast desert. Thanks to this forum, I have healed significantly.
So, no, it has nothing to do with Fox Hunting. I think animals should be left alone as much as possible. I think people shouldn't have pets if they intend to keep them trapped in a small yard or indoors and neuter them. I know that I wouldn't want to be neutered if a superior species were to capture us and make us slaves or pets. I can't even look at pictures of animal cruelty and I think whoever engaging in torturing animals is a sick **** who's seed should be wiped from the earth. And before I watched the movie, I didn't give 2 ***** about guns. I didn't, and still don't like the loud noise of guns. I like swords and cross-bows better. But now that I've seen it, I'm terrified of being tracked everywhere I go and having to ask the government what I can and can't do, including sex. I don't want to be told what to say or what to think. I don't want the government knowing everything I think, say or do. I don't want them knowing what I buy or who I interact with. I don't want the government to be able to tell if I'm having sex or what. You get the picture...
And that's why I'm so concerned about guns and why to this day, I AM TERRIFIED OF CREDIT CARDS!!! DX
