Fear of EVER getting married

I think you're trying to get down into the nitpicky parts, Suggestologist, as if my delivery is suspect. How I carry myself around women is fine, I'm not a total social retard.

If you must know, then yes, I small talk and then segue into personal info, slowly testing boundaries and expressing interest, over the course of several conversations. This can take days or weeks or even longer, depending upon the reaction of the woman. I really don't think that is the issue here.

And yes, SFG, I've been happy being single before, and then even happier when I found someone, but she left me. I've had some chances and blown them.
 
I've been married to the same woman for 33 years. If I had not been married I would have starved to death at McDonalds 25 years ago.

Marriage has its ups and downs, it in and outs, its push and pulls, its give and take, do's and don'ts but after this many years I still love my wife, probably more than I did when we first started out. I still find her exicting, comforable, sexy, entertaining and good company. I enjoy to the nth degree doing things for her, with her, because of her (and to her). I consider myself very lucky that I choose this wonderful woman so many years ago and was smart enough to recognize the things that I need to do to keep her.

I must say that I am not blind to the other women of this planet. I appreciate a pretty face, a fine figure and winning ways. These attributes are not necessarily those of youth though. They are part and parcel of the package.
 
jan said:
I would say evolution shaped the human brain so that it can stand and even requires a certain amount of stress. Young people go to the amusement park to use the roller coaster, or they date, and when they are older, they marry and get children to get their needed dose of stress.

If you don't marry and get children, you will find some less comfortable sort of stress, or otherwise your brain will implode due to the lack of stress.
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Hmm.....interesting. I like this... You know, it would also explain why parents with children, even if they DO have the time, rarely do any dangerous sports, or even play stressful video games(It's a rush to have things shot at you!)
 
I think that if you read the love/poison/candy thread, it would convince you even more not to be married.

Lust is a far superior "emotion" to love.
 
Re: Re: Fear of EVER getting married

Yahzi said:


The meaning of life is found in the responsiblities we accept. Yes, a responsible life is not as much fun; but it is much more meaningful. But I suppose adulthood is not for everybody.
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The meaning of life, as Monty Python so aptly conveyed in their eponymous movie, is that there is no meaning of life.

Life just is. It means nothing.

If you choose to give your own life "meaning," whatever meaning you assign to it is rather arbitrary, in the grand scheme of things. The cosmos cares not about such "meaning."

AS
 
My fear is very different from all of yours. I am afraid of getting married because of all the horror stories I have heard. When a woman can cheat on you and still get half of your money in divorce court, and vaginamoney (alimoney) on top of it, stuff is seriously messed up. Being that I live in California, one of those god awful community property states, I have heard tons of horror stories of guys being taken through the cleaners. Hell like at Jeff Gordon's soon to be or maybe even now ex wife, she wants $100 million in the divorce! I also have another fear, which living in the middle of suburban hell I see every damn day. I'm afraid the misses will turn into the classic "american bitch." You know, cut off her hair, gain weight, stop having sex with me, and start getting an attitude. I don't want any part of any of that. It's not the fear of committment, I could easily spend the rest of my life with someone, or at least try. I just don't want them taking half of all my money if things don't work out.
 
Re: Re: Re: Fear of EVER getting married

AmateurScientist said:

Life just is. It means nothing.
AS
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Quite - in one of Zelazny's books a character says something about not looking at life as a book which has to have meaning but as a piece of art in which one strives to strike a certain balance or rhythm.
My apologies for the mangling of the quote.

Who said : "I used to wonder what the meaning of life was and then one day I looked in the dictionary and there it was"?
 
Whoracle said:
Being that I live in California, one of those god awful community property states, I have heard tons of horror stories of guys being taken through the cleaners.
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Interesting. I used to think you Americans can make contracts before marriage to rule out such outcomings?
 
Keneke said:
I think you're trying to get down into the nitpicky parts, Suggestologist, as if my delivery is suspect. How I carry myself around women is fine, I'm not a total social retard.

If you must know, then yes, I small talk and then segue into personal info, slowly testing boundaries and expressing interest, over the course of several conversations. This can take days or weeks or even longer, depending upon the reaction of the woman. I really don't think that is the issue here.
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Well, what's your weak spot? Getting the first date? Getting the first kiss? Getting the bra off?
 
"Interesting. I used to think you Americans can make contracts before marriage to rule out such outcomings?"


You can but they are finding all kinds of ways to void them in divorce court.
 
Whoracle said:
"Interesting. I used to think you Americans can make contracts before marriage to rule out such outcomings?"


You can but they are finding all kinds of ways to void them in divorce court.
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Gee, talk about having a positive attitude to start with!!! :wink:
 
Suggestologist said:
Well, what's your weak spot? Getting the first date? Getting the first kiss? Getting the bra off?
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My weak spot is going from fun to seriousness. I have had f***-buddies in the past, and have also remained monogamous (and once, celibate) to honor girlfriends that make potential mates...but long-term plans always fall through. I have female friends, and single life ain't too horribly bad. I just want something more. (cue Ashman & Menken) Maybe none of them were ready for it yet, who knows?
 
Keneke said:


My weak spot is going from fun to seriousness. I have had f***-buddies in the past, and have also remained monogamous (and once, celibate) to honor girlfriends that make potential mates...but long-term plans always fall through. I have female friends, and single life ain't too horribly bad. I just want something more. (cue Ashman & Menken) Maybe none of them were ready for it yet, who knows?
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Were they of an age where they could have wanted to settle down?

Personally, I'm not interested in long-term relationships and/or having children. But from what I've seen, getting too serious will only scare the girl away. Keep things fun. Test the waters before proposing a more serious relationship. And build response potential before you ever get around to doing so. This can involve watching movies where characters end up married in the end ("The Wedding Singer" crosses my mind, now), and talking about it, and so on...
 
Keneke said:
I think you're trying to get down into the nitpicky parts, Suggestologist, as if my delivery is suspect. How I carry myself around women is fine, I'm not a total social retard.

If you must know, then yes, I small talk and then segue into personal info, slowly testing boundaries and expressing interest, over the course of several conversations. This can take days or weeks or even longer, depending upon the reaction of the woman. I really don't think that is the issue here.
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Sorry to butt in here, but I struggled with this for many years and eventually figured out how to get out of it.

You have to signal interest very quickly, not necessarily enough to be definite, but enough enough to put a wedge in the door. By "very quickly" I mean that five minutes is usually too long a time span. Fifteen seconds is more like. Of course there are exceptions, but most of the time, unless there's a spark there, you're doomed to LJBF.

The technique for doing this is usually called "flirting" and is deliberately ambiguous; it's a form of play, without serious intent (or is it?).

After that, you can slack off a bit and be cautious, for months or even years.
 
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