Facebook and "coming out"

[Chimera]

Facebook is an interesting site. I joined to keep in touch with friends and family, and have made lots of new skeptical and atheist friends. Part of the fun is posting and sharing all the fun Carl Sagan quotes and Tim Minchin videos and Richard Dawkins interviews.

Of course, being on FB is kind of like standing in a room with everyone you know, where everyone can hear everything you say. I've recently been getting attacked by family members on FB, telling me that I'm trying to convince others of my beliefs and shoving it down their throats. When I do try to respond politely, sometimes it just fuels the fire. Lately it's spilled over into my real life a bit, too.

At first, I thought, "This is good. It will inspire some intellectual debate". However, it seems like believers (at least the ones in my family) don't want a debate as much as a pissing contest. Is that a rule 10 violation? Anyway...

How do you guys deal?

 

[Dragonrock]

I "deal" by remaining in the closet. I've felt out a few of my family members and I'm fairly certain how most of them would react. But, I choose to remain in the closet about my skepticism/atheism as my father would not handle it well. He has said that atheists have no morals and that skeptics are all nay-sayers and if they had their way then we would have never landed on the moon.

 

[Nonpareil]

I deal by not having my family on Facebook.

ETA: Also, not giving a crap about what others think about me.

 

[Ysidro]

I deal by not having a Facebook.

 

[Sledge]

I'm not on Facebook, so can't really help on that one. And I don't know whether it's because we don't really have the stigma attached to being atheist in Britain or just because my family don't really give a toss, but I've never had a problem with them. Not over religion, anyway.

 

[pounce]

oh, I'm very clear about my skepticism and atheism, and this is quite obvious on my facebook page. my friends and family are already aware of this, but I do not back down or soften my message as a result of being on facebook.

I've had an obnoxious acquaintance or two post some stupid religious stuff and I eventually just deleted them from the friends list. They were folks I hadn't talked to in the past twenty years for a reason, and having them in my virtual life wasn't very compelling.

This isn't a thread about facebook. It's about managing your relationships, online and otherwise. It's something you'll have to figure out on your own. There is a way to be honest, consistent, and still generally polite. If folks argue a point with me than I respond fully and honestly. Otherwise, I usually don't bring up contentious topics. On facebook I'm quite willing to post links of interest to smarter politics, skepticism, and atheism - but that's in character for me.

 

[Giggywig]

My facebook friends list consists of: 2 exes (one I trade messages every once in a while, the other not at all), 1 coworker, 2 online friends (one I've met in person, haven't seen in about a year), and my oral hygienist. I don't think any of them care one bit about my beliefs or lack thereof.

 

[Waterman]

Facebook is an interesting site. I joined to keep in touch with friends and family, and have made lots of new skeptical and atheist friends. Part of the fun is posting and sharing all the fun Carl Sagan quotes and Tim Minchin videos and Richard Dawkins interviews.

Of course, being on FB is kind of like standing in a room with everyone you know, where everyone can hear everything you say. I've recently been getting attacked by family members on FB, telling me that I'm trying to convince others of my beliefs and shoving it down their throats. When I do try to respond politely, sometimes it just fuels the fire. Lately it's spilled over into my real life a bit, too.

At first, I thought, "This is good. It will inspire some intellectual debate". However, it seems like believers (at least the ones in my family) don't want a debate as much as a pissing contest. Is that a rule 10 violation? Anyway...

How do you guys deal?

As I am active in cubscouting with my son and expect to move on to boy scouts I am rather reluctant to come completely out of the closet as an atheist publicly. We are a member of a Unitarin Universalist Church for social contact (which does accept atheism as a valid position (among much silliness)) and I list my religious views as Humanist (which most people don't understand). I think that there is much to be gained through scouting program that is not offered up elsewhere. As a leader I can temper some of the more relogious aspect of it quietly... it is easy as our group has members of several faiths I put all religious requirements on the family for following through. I am concerned if I came compeltely 'out' in a public venue then a zealot could raise a stink with the powers that be in scouting and I could loose the opportunity to particilate and influence the boys to be critical thinkers.

 

[Dave Rogers]

And I don't know whether it's because we don't really have the stigma attached to being atheist in Britain or just because my family don't really give a toss, but I've never had a problem with them. Not over religion, anyway.

It's strange, in fact, for us over here to see Americans talk about 'coming out' as an atheist; it's almost the default now in the UK. And the last religion-based family argument I recall was, a few months ago, my mother claiming that she was more of an atheist than my father because she'd been religious originally, whereas he never had .

Dave

 

[Sledge]

I remember reading in "The Salmon of Doubt" an interview an American atheist magazine did with Douglas Adams. He responded to a few of the questions, as I recall, along the lines of "That situation just doesn't exist in the UK, so I can't respond to your question." It's interesting that, despite America having legally recognised division of church and state, Americans seem to have far more problems with being atheists than the British whose titular head of state is "defender of the faith" as well.

 

[Minarvia]

I just got Facebook but don't use it much. But I chose to stay in the closet. I know the others, or at least some others, would take offense. It's not worth it.

 

[roger]

I don't know what links you are sharing. How would you feel and respond if people were posting 'atheist flummoxed by banana' or 'show you love god by reposting this' type stuff? Honest question, not rhetorical, I can imagine the answer might be "I wouldn't mind at all".

Regardless, a lot of people would be annoyed by that. There's a big difference between posting, say, a link about some new fossil that was found, and a link about errors in reasoning by Christians. If you post a preponderance of the latter I wouldn't blame others getting tired of it. I'd get tired of it, and I'm atheist. New knowledge is interesting. Arguments about what to believe get boring.

 

[TheDaver]

I’m open about my skepticism and criticism on Facebook, but other than the occasional group invitation, I don’t push either of them on anybody I know personally.

 

[Chimera]

I don't know what links you are sharing. How would you feel and respond if people were posting 'atheist flummoxed by banana' or 'show you love god by reposting this' type stuff? Honest question, not rhetorical, I can imagine the answer might be "I wouldn't mind at all".

I've posted the Qualia Soup videos about Open Mindedness and Critical Thinking. I'm on the "fan pages" for people like Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins. I post atheist comics or funnies now and then.

Yesterday I posted a quote from Sagan: "You can't convince a believer of anything; for their belief is not based on evidence, it's based on a deep seated need to believe." My aunt took it very personally and snottily replied that I sure try to convince everyone of my beliefs. I was surprised, because I have friends that post the God, Love, Light, Angels kind of stuff, and I would never think of publicly (or even privately) castigating them for it. I said something back, she said something back, and I deleted the whole mess.

To be fair, I'm a quasi-liberal-moderate-something-or-other in a family of extreme right-wingers. So there's been some of the political disagreement as well. But it's the atheist stuff that really cheezus 'em off.

There's a double standard. It's more acceptable for religious/spiritual people to talk about god than it is for atheists to talk about the lack thereof. I don't know why it still shocks me. It's only gotten me in trouble in internet land, because in real life I keep that part of myself under wraps.

 

[rjh01]

One option is to study how homosexuals came out of the closet and then do what they did.

You must excuse me, I just watched the movie Milk.

 

[devnull]

My facebook friends list consists of: 2 exes (one I trade messages every once in a while, the other not at all), 1 coworker, 2 online friends (one I've met in person, haven't seen in about a year), and my oral hygienist. I don't think any of them care one bit about my beliefs or lack thereof.

Looking at your avatar, you should probably add Tegan & Sara and Northern State

 

[EeneyMinnieMoe]

I'm a member of several skeptic/nonreligious groups on Facebook and am friends with several JREF forum members. If anyone did a bit of research, they'd find I was a skeptic and agnostic-bordering-on-atheist.

My very Catholic cousin is on there and I'm not out of the closet to her yet (I don't know if I will ever be) but she either did not bother to look through my groups and wall posts and so on and check who I'm Facebook Friends with or chose not to make an issue of it. My guess is the first one.

As a matter of fact, I'm not out of the closet "in real life". Whenever my religion has come up with my super Roman Catholic extended family, I've refused to say whether I believe in God or not or just dodged the question. They know I'm a skeptic about the paranormal but they don't know I no longer believe in God, though I guess they strongly suspect I'm a nonbeliever.

I've attended church with them without a single complaint whenever I've stayed with them, just to keep the peace. And I really just don't want them to know. They'd be horrified.

 

[plindboe]

I personally try not to be too controversial on facebook, because I realize that most people use the site to relax and have fun, and not to have their cherished beliefs attacked or challenged. People generally dislike agendas, especially if it's an agenda they disagree with. There's a time and a place for everything, and you'll only end up causing hurt and anger if you're not very careful about how you express your ideas, especially on a place like facebook.

 

[RSLancastr]

I have dozens of skeptical friends on facebook, but I rarely post anything skeptical there. Partly because my wife is a Christian, and does not appreciate it when she receives invitations to join atheist groups/functions from her skeptical FB friends. Not everyone who considers themself a skeptic wants that crap, folks! My family is mostly fine with my skepticism. My Mom used to confuse it with cynicism and kneejerk naysaying, but the Kaz incident showed her otherwise, and the support from the online skeptics after my stroke has, I think, very much changed her opinion of what a "skeptic" really is.

 

[Soapy Sam]

I opened a facebook account, but rapidly realised that it looked like a security chasm and a potential social trouble spot. I deleted the account. (Though that took a month and I don't know what they actually retained).