Dear Users... (A thread for Sysadmin, Technical Support, and Help Desk people)

[Norman Alexander]

No.

Also can you fix my iPhone? And the Internet - it is running too slow.

 

[erlando]

I have news!

Starting next week I'll be moving fully over on to Service Requests. From there they have a non-ongoing APS3 position to put me into, though we are on a recruitment pause right now because MoG. One of the TLs though - a 4 - is moving on to an APS5 position in Desktop Support in February, so that's going to open up a vacancy, and that is an ongoing position.

Things are definitely Looking Up.

That's awesome. Congratulations.

 

[JoeMorgue]

If you are super-picky about how documents look when they print out, you need to learn some basic Computer 101 level stuff about margins, font size, columns, headers & footers, etc and not have IT come out to redo them for every type of document you print out.

And some of the stuff you are asking me to do is literally impossible.

"The text is too small. I'm... *pause for dramatic effect* a poor widdle ole' woman and can't read it."

"Okay. I can make the text bigger."

"Okay well now it's on two pages. I want it on one page."

"Okay. Here's as large as I can make it the text before it spills on to another page. I can make the margins smaller."

"No I need the margins to make notes in."

"Okay I can print it portrait instead of landscape."

"No then it will go into the charts sideways and I don't like that."

"So you want me to make the text bigger without making it go onto another page, but I can't reduce the margins or print landscape?"

"Yes."

 

[Darat]

If you are super-picky about how documents look when they print out, you need to learn some basic Computer 101 level stuff about margins, font size, columns, headers & footers, etc and not have IT come out to redo them for every type of document you print out.

And some of the stuff you are asking me to do is literally impossible.

"The text is too small. I'm... *pause for dramatic effect* a poor widdle ole' woman and can't read it."

"Okay. I can make the text bigger."

"Okay well now it's on two pages. I want it on one page."

"Okay. Here's as large as I can make it the text before it spills on to another page. I can make the margins smaller."

"No I need the margins to make notes in."

"Okay I can print it portrait instead of landscape."

"No then it will go into the charts sideways and I don't like that."

"So you want me to make the text bigger without making it go onto another page, but I can't reduce the margins or print landscape?"

"Yes."

And I can imagine the conversation between her and her work colleagues.

"That IT guy is useless, all I wanted him to do was make the text bigger and he made a right song and dance about it and then said he couldn't do it!"

 

[arthwollipot]

I have moved to my new desk. The good news is that I still remember how to set up a PC.

 

[Norman Alexander]

If you are super-picky about how documents look when they print out, you need to learn some basic Computer 101 level stuff about margins, font size, columns, headers & footers, etc and not have IT come out to redo them for every type of document you print out.

And some of the stuff you are asking me to do is literally impossible.

"The text is too small. I'm... *pause for dramatic effect* a poor widdle ole' woman and can't read it."

"Okay. I can make the text bigger."

"Okay well now it's on two pages. I want it on one page."

"Okay. Here's as large as I can make it the text before it spills on to another page. I can make the margins smaller."

"No I need the margins to make notes in."

"Okay I can print it portrait instead of landscape."

"No then it will go into the charts sideways and I don't like that."

"So you want me to make the text bigger without making it go onto another page, but I can't reduce the margins or print landscape?"

"Yes."

Easy solution: Truncate the document at whatever point it is at the end of the page. She obviously isn't going to read it, so content is pointless. It's just an eye-chart, really.

 

[Darat]

I have moved to my new desk. The good news is that I still remember how to set up a PC.

You can always call the help desk....

 

[arthwollipot]

You can always call the help desk....

Ahem. Service desk, thank you.

 

[Dabop]

I have news!

Starting next week I'll be moving fully over on to Service Requests. From there they have a non-ongoing APS3 position to put me into, though we are on a recruitment pause right now because MoG. One of the TLs though - a 4 - is moving on to an APS5 position in Desktop Support in February, so that's going to open up a vacancy, and that is an ongoing position.

Things are definitely Looking Up.

Sir Humphreys would be proud....

 

[arthwollipot]

Sir Humphreys would be proud....

Do you mean Sir Humphrey Appleby? I'm nowhere near his level of obfuscatory skill.

 

[Dabop]

Yep...
Always loved the old Yes Minister and Yes Prime-minister series...
He was definitely the pinnacle of public service speak...

 

[arthwollipot]

Yep...
Always loved the old Yes Minister and Yes Prime-minister series...
He was definitely the pinnacle of public service speak...

Yes, those were great documentaries.

 

[Gord_in_Toronto]

If you are super-picky about how documents look when they print out, you need to learn some basic Computer 101 level stuff about margins, font size, columns, headers & footers, etc and not have IT come out to redo them for every type of document you print out.

And some of the stuff you are asking me to do is literally impossible.

"The text is too small. I'm... *pause for dramatic effect* a poor widdle ole' woman and can't read it."

"Okay. I can make the text bigger."

"Okay well now it's on two pages. I want it on one page."

"Okay. Here's as large as I can make it the text before it spills on to another page. I can make the margins smaller."

"No I need the margins to make notes in."

"Okay I can print it portrait instead of landscape."

"No then it will go into the charts sideways and I don't like that."

"So you want me to make the text bigger without making it go onto another page, but I can't reduce the margins or print landscape?"

"Yes."

What? You didn't try adjusting the kerning?

 

[The Greater Fool]

If you are super-picky about how documents look when they print out, you need to learn some basic Computer 101 level stuff about margins, font size, columns, headers & footers, etc and not have IT come out to redo them for every type of document you print out.

And some of the stuff you are asking me to do is literally impossible.

"The text is too small. I'm... *pause for dramatic effect* a poor widdle ole' woman and can't read it."

"Okay. I can make the text bigger."

"Okay well now it's on two pages. I want it on one page."

"Okay. Here's as large as I can make it the text before it spills on to another page. I can make the margins smaller."

"No I need the margins to make notes in."

"Okay I can print it portrait instead of landscape."

"No then it will go into the charts sideways and I don't like that."

"So you want me to make the text bigger without making it go onto another page, but I can't reduce the margins or print landscape?"

"Yes."

 

[quadraginta]

Also can you fix my iPhone? And the Internet - it is running too slow.

Dogs. Dogs are the answer.

If your Internet is running too slow you need to get some dogs to chase it. The bigger the dogs the faster it will run.

Bees could work too, but they're harder to train. OTOH, they are easier to feed.

 

[Gord_in_Toronto]

[qimg]http://www.internationalskeptics.com/forums/picture.php?albumid=1259&pictureid=12341[/qimg]

OK. Or line spacing?

 

[Norman Alexander]

Dogs. Dogs are the answer.

If your Internet is running too slow you need to get some dogs to chase it. The bigger the dogs the faster it will run.

Bees could work too, but they're harder to train. OTOH, they are easier to feed.

And kittens.

 

[arthwollipot]

I continue to be mildly annoyed by people referring to software by the parent company name.

I just had a call from someone who was having trouble logging on to Cisco.

What were you trying to log on to?

Cisco. The 1800 number.

What he was actually trying to log on to is Cisco Finesse, a call center routing system. We use that ourselves. We call it Finesse.

 

[TragicMonkey]

If you are super-picky about how documents look when they print out, you need to learn some basic Computer 101 level stuff about margins, font size, columns, headers & footers, etc and not have IT come out to redo them for every type of document you print out.

And some of the stuff you are asking me to do is literally impossible.

"The text is too small. I'm... *pause for dramatic effect* a poor widdle ole' woman and can't read it."

"Okay. I can make the text bigger."

"Okay well now it's on two pages. I want it on one page."

"Okay. Here's as large as I can make it the text before it spills on to another page. I can make the margins smaller."

"No I need the margins to make notes in."

"Okay I can print it portrait instead of landscape."

"No then it will go into the charts sideways and I don't like that."

"So you want me to make the text bigger without making it go onto another page, but I can't reduce the margins or print landscape?"

"Yes."

Reminds me of the classic grocery bagger's complaint: a little old lady demands all her groceries be placed into as few bags as possible, but the bags have to be light in weight.

 

[Norman Alexander]

Reminds me of the classic grocery bagger's complaint: a little old lady demands all her groceries be placed into as few bags as possible, but the bags have to be light in weight.

How many pieces should I cut this pizza into? Six or eight?

Make it six. I couldn't eat eight.