Dear Users... (A thread for Sysadmin, Technical Support, and Help Desk people)

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Dear users.

There is a limit to how much "better" I can make your computing experience without making it "different." I will strive to maintain your desktop, UI, interfaces and such as much as is humanly but there is a limit.

I can't make Outlook 2016 look, feel, and act exactly like Outlook 2003, nor can I make Outlook 2003 have all the features of Outlook 2016.

I can't give you McLaren performance that handles like the Civic you learned to drive on forever.

I'm embarrassed to admit that after finally upgrading from Windows XP, I made a point of customizing the new UI to have the same "jolly rancher" look and feel as XP.
 
I've solved a number of SAP issues this way. I've never been on an SAP system in my life. It's mind boggling.

My last few successful job interviews, I've pretty much given this as my strongest skill.

"I don't care what software you're using. I don't care if I've never seen it before. Give me an Internet connection, an admin login, and a week, and I'll be fully qualified to handle 80% of the issues that come up. I'll also be well-grounded on researching and mastering the other 20%."

The weirdest part about my current job is that because I support software build pipelines, I often end up knowing more about build tools than the software developers whose livelihood depends on mastering those tools.

"You're a Java developer, and you don't know how maven works? I'm not a Java developer, and I also don't know how maven works, but... <googling intensifies> ... I've figured it out. Here you go!"

"You're a nodejs developer, and you don't know how NPM works? I'm not a nodejs developer, and I also don't know how NPM works, but... <googling intensifies> ... I've figured it out. Here you go!"

"You're a docker developer, and you don't know how docker works? I'm not a docker developer, and I also don't know how docker works, but... <googling intensifies> ... I've figured it out. Here you go!"

---

I attribute this to having spent year or so as a product support engineer, in a shop where the senior support engineers were total jerks. As a rule, they absolutely and rudely refused to provide any technical assistance unless you'd first completed a due diligence checklist:
- did you gather all the context (OS version, app version, error message, etc.)?
- did you read the relevant Knowledge Base articles?
- did you perform ALL of the basic triage troubleshooting steps?
- did you get ALL the relevant logs?
- etc.

So I got into the very strong habit of not daring to ask for help until I'd gone through every troubleshooting and info gathering steps I could think of. And asking for help to me always means presenting a detailed technical report of everything I've already tried, and what the results were.
 
Any computer tech, from a 50 year head software developer in charge of massive project to someone sitting on the 1st Tier of a help desk who says they don't Google error codes is lying.
 
Any computer tech, from a 50 year head software developer in charge of massive project to someone sitting on the 1st Tier of a help desk who says they don't Google error codes is lying.

I wish. If that were true, my job would be full of people who claim they don't Google error messages, but somehow mysteriously never have problems they need me to help them solve.

Instead, my job is full of people who honestly don't Google error messages. They're either lazy or incompetent, but they're definitely not lying.
 
Addendum: Any effective computer tech who says they don't routinely Google search for error messages is lying.
 
Addendum: Any effective computer tech who says they don't routinely Google search for error messages is lying.

Fair enough.

One could also argue that anyone who isn't able to Google error messages isn't actually a computer tech at all.

"I've been a computer professional for years!"

"What's your technique for googling error messages?"

"Oh, I don't do that."

"Wait, seriously? You're not lying?"

"Lying? Why would I be lying? That's kind of offensive, you know."

"Then you're not a computer professional. You're a computer ******* amateur. Thank you for your interest. We'll be in touch if we decide to move forward with your application. Next!"
 
The Developer says they're getting a login error from an automated process that pulls data from a service on their behalf. The Developer volunteers that they recently changed their global password. Somehow the Developer doesn't fully integrate these two pieces of information, and asks me for help.

I tell the Developer that they probably need to update their stored password in their client software, so that it can log into the service on their behalf as before.

The Developer expresses ignorance of how their client works and how to update stored credentials in the client, and asks me for help.

I had no idea the client software had this kind of failure mode. The whole thing is a fresh mystery to me. So I do a quick Google search for "<error message> <client software> <computer OS>". The top search result is the Stackoverflow article that describes <error message>, and provides the instructions for updating stored credentials in <client software> in <computer OS>.

I give the Developer the link to the Stackoverflow article, and they confirm that it solves their problem.

Time spent by the Developer expressing ignorance and asking me for help: ~30 minutes

Time spent by me, figuring out the likely root cause, researching it, and finding the solution online: ~5 minutes

The most baffling and frustrating part:
Either you're a real software developer, used to thinking of systems and solving problems through logical analysis of symptoms - in which case you have no need of my help, since you know how to troubleshoot and investigate at least as well as I do...

... Or you're a cargo-cult developer who knows nothing about logical problem solving, and you fake it every day by googling up snippets of other people's code to stitch together to solve the problem you've been given - in which case you have no need of my help, since you know how to investigoogle error messages at least as well as I do.

There should not exist a software developer who needs my help to solve such a simple problem. And yet here we are.


---

ETA: 99% of computer problems can be solved by Googling "<error message> <software name> <computer OS>". Even laypersons and "not a computer person" persons can use this one simple trick to improve their quality of life.

I was really expecting to the spoiler to be:

His name wasn't even Kevin.
 
I don't know about z/OS, but nowadays when a vendor has good documentation, the best way to find it is to do a google search for the issue.
Even with IBM, they have all sorts of help reachable through google. Through manuals. Through help screens. Though Support calls. Though email. Through chiseling on rock.
 
Things I wish more people knew, part MCMLXXVICBNDP:

Your password will expire 3 months (or however long it is) to the minute after you last changed it. If you changed it at 09:50 last time, it will expire at 09:50 this time. If you are logged on at that time, you'll suddenly start losing access to things.

Change your password no less than a full day before it says it's going to need to be changed.
 
Addendum: Any effective computer tech who says they don't routinely Google search for error messages is lying.
I like to say that this job is 60% knowledge, 30% Google, and 10% improvisation.

Those ratios may vary according to the particular environment, but that's about how it is for me.
 
I had no idea the client software had this kind of failure mode. The whole thing is a fresh mystery to me. So I do a quick Google search for "<error message> <client software> <computer OS>". The top search result is the Stackoverflow article that describes <error message>, and provides the instructions for updating stored credentials in <client software> in <computer OS>.

ETA: 99% of computer problems can be solved by Googling "<error message> <software name> <computer OS>". Even laypersons and "not a computer person" persons can use this one simple trick to improve their quality of life.

"You're a Java developer, and you don't know how maven works? I'm not a Java developer, and I also don't know how maven works, but... <googling intensifies> ... I've figured it out. Here you go!"

"You're a nodejs developer, and you don't know how NPM works? I'm not a nodejs developer, and I also don't know how NPM works, but... <googling intensifies> ... I've figured it out. Here you go!"

"You're a docker developer, and you don't know how docker works? I'm not a docker developer, and I also don't know how docker works, but... <googling intensifies> ... I've figured it out. Here you go!"

Any computer tech, from a 50 year head software developer in charge of massive project to someone sitting on the 1st Tier of a help desk who says they don't Google error codes is lying.

I wish. If that were true, my job would be full of people who claim they don't Google error messages, but somehow mysteriously never have problems they need me to help them solve.

Instead, my job is full of people who honestly don't Google error messages. They're either lazy or incompetent, but they're definitely not lying.

Addendum: Any effective computer tech who says they don't routinely Google search for error messages is lying.

Fair enough.

One could also argue that anyone who isn't able to Google error messages isn't actually a computer tech at all.

"I've been a computer professional for years!"

"What's your technique for googling error messages?"

"Oh, I don't do that."

"Wait, seriously? You're not lying?"

"Lying? Why would I be lying? That's kind of offensive, you know."

"Then you're not a computer professional. You're a computer ******* amateur. Thank you for your interest. We'll be in touch if we decide to move forward with your application. Next!"

I don't know about z/OS, but nowadays when a vendor has good documentation, the best way to find it is to do a google search for the issue.

Even with IBM, they have all sorts of help reachable through google. Through manuals. Through help screens. Though Support calls. Though email. Through chiseling on rock.

I like to say that this job is 60% knowledge, 30% Google, and 10% improvisation.

Those ratios may vary according to the particular environment, but that's about how it is for me.


RANT! Gah! I hate Google! I detest their deep tendrils in the web, their omnipresent code snippets in damned near every page I visit, and their creepy tendency to grab as much information about me and my browsing habits as they can get their filthy hands on. I despise the fact that in order to use a lot of sites I have to solve an idiot Google ReCaptcha, which drive me nuts and which binds me to their Terms of Service in addition to the site's.

Google is an advertising and privacy sucking company first and a search provider second. To a huge degree the omnipresent advertising and tracking that's made the modern web damned near unusable can be traced back to Google and their business practices.

And I really hate it when people use the word "google" as a verb to mean a "web search." Not that it's unprecedented; several common words in English originated as corporate trademarks. But to see people, especially computer techs, casually using it to mean "searching" makes me cringe, almost as if they were talking about "*******" when they mean "black people."


There are search providers out there that don't make it their mission in life to grab wholesale every scrap of information they can about you and sell it at a profit. Please stop feeding the beast.
 
RANT! ...


There are search providers out there that don't make it their mission in life to grab wholesale every scrap of information they can about you and sell it at a profit. Please stop feeding the beast.

Might as well object to the word "computer".
RANT! RANT

I did just learn about the RANT feature here though. Thanks for that.
 
There are search providers out there that don't make it their mission in life to grab wholesale every scrap of information they can about you and sell it at a profit. Please stop feeding the beast.

All that snipped rant may be true, but they gave their company a name that trips off the tongue nicely and lends itself to verbing, which was a smart move.

'I'll just DuckDuckGo that' doesn't work quite as well.

It could have been worse, if Microsoft had been more on the ball, we might have been binging information. :(
 
Fine. All effective IT support people routinely Ask Jeeves for information. Is that better?
 
There are search providers out there that don't make it their mission in life to grab wholesale every scrap of information they can about you and sell it at a profit. Please stop feeding the beast.

Yeah well... I tried DuckDuckGo and some others I forgot the name of. Common for them all was that especially for technical stuff they sucked. Big time. So.. As long as Google does the trick better, Google it is.
 
My kid had a summer job where they spent the first week waiting on login credentials and the second week not able to do anything because all of the bosses were at a conference and forgot to leave them anything to do. Time sheets were filled out properly.

I once had a contract at a major financial institution. They were nowhere near ready when I showed up on day one. Cue 20 workdays of waiting for the proper credentials so I could start working.

I showed up and billed every hour. At $90/h.
 
RANT! Gah! I hate Google! I detest their deep tendrils in the web, their omnipresent code snippets in damned near every page I visit, and their creepy tendency to grab as much information about me and my browsing habits as they can get their filthy hands on. I despise the fact that in order to use a lot of sites I have to solve an idiot Google ReCaptcha, which drive me nuts and which binds me to their Terms of Service in addition to the site's.



Google is an advertising and privacy sucking company first and a search provider second. To a huge degree the omnipresent advertising and tracking that's made the modern web damned near unusable can be traced back to Google and their business practices.



And I really hate it when people use the word "google" as a verb to mean a "web search." Not that it's unprecedented; several common words in English originated as corporate trademarks. But to see people, especially computer techs, casually using it to mean "searching" makes me cringe, almost as if they were talking about "*******" when they mean "black people."




There are search providers out there that don't make it their mission in life to grab wholesale every scrap of information they can about you and sell it at a profit. Please stop feeding the beast.
Please do me the courtesy of assuming I'm well aware of these arguments, and have made my own choices about how to respond to the situation. I've seen your rant before. Hell, I've ranted your rant before. I don't mind if you dissent, but don't think you're telling me anything I haven't already considered.
 
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