Dear Users... (A thread for Sysadmin, Technical Support, and Help Desk people)

[Norman Alexander]

Heh, middle names. I worked somewhere where logins were everyone's three initials plus a number, and if someone didn't have a middle name they'd use X. An extraordinary number of people don't have middle names! Far more than I'd have expected. Only I didn't know about the X thing for a while, I thought they all had really cool middle names like Xavier or Xystus or Xervilla.

Strange...

In that we thought EVERY American had a middle name. Or at least a middle initial. They always seem to announce themselves as such and sometimes embellish that fact: George W. Bush ("Dubya"), Donald J. Trump, Jubilation T. Cornpone.

 

[catsmate]

You are the BOFH and I'd like to go for a pint with you and the PFY.

I am a quiet and peaceful man, tolerant of most people (except Mac users of course) able to deal with most user and management stupidity (if only by later driving them to doubt their sanity).
However I was taught at college to solve problems (real science rather than CompSci) and sometimes problems have simple, logical and effective solutions that involve applied violence, or the threat of it.
I also did two fascinating modules on toxicology and forensics and learned a lot.
In the event that I needed to dispose of an inconvenient body, I have a plan and it would work.

 

[catsmate]

Ahem. Check my title.

I'm more of a Bastard Consultant From Hell.

 

[catsmate]

On an entirely unrelated matter, how many IT Directors have you worked for in the last decade or so?

Curiously, of my ten main clients, they have lost fourteen ITD/CIOs since the beginning of 2019, though only two of them actually died.
The rest retired, [x3], resigned [x1], "resigned" [x3], were fired [x1], were fired and arrested [x1], were arrested and then fired [x1], or retired early on medical grounds [x2].
I blame the stress. And lackadaisical cover-ups.

 

[catsmate]

Where did you hide the body?

You should never hide bodies, except in the short term.
Over the medium term the best solution is permanent destruction, of which nature provides several convenient methods.

 

[catsmate]

I am several years older than the same first.last but because this person is in IT, he has "stolen" first.last at gmail and other sites. He even stole firstlast.com url. Have to settle for last.first e-mail address.

I have received several mistype e-mails. I get Facebook sending me Israeli Facebook requests for someone totally unrelated to my address. I recently got French invites for me to take job assessments. I'm not at gmail.fr or whatever it is.

I was genius@BIGTECHCOMPANY.com until a VP wanted it.
You'd be amazed how much spam started arriving soon after he took it. I know the Exchange admin was.

 

[catsmate]

Ding!

I was one semi-intelligent director from getting that as standard policy at <LARGE FINANCIAL COMPANY>, unfortunately I was blocked at the last minute.

 

[quadraginta]

I think I just performed a literal miracle for the Deputy Secretary's EA, while the Deputy Secretary was watching.

Will they be able to fix it so you can keep your good laptop?

Or get you a better one?

 

[arthwollipot]

I think I just performed a literal miracle for the Deputy Secretary's EA, while the Deputy Secretary was watching.

I should add, she actually name-dropped me when he came by. "Oh, I'm just on the line with Andrew at the Service Desk, he's helping me with a thing."

 

[arthwollipot]

So it has an asset ID.

After your technology has been "downgraded", ask to be upgraded to the latest model they will supply. Probably exceeds what you had by a lot.

Nah.

Will they be able to fix it so you can keep your good laptop?

Or get you a better one?

Nah.

The laptop I've got now is actually better than the ones that most of my team has. I'm being brought into standard with the rest of the team, which makes sense from a managerial perspective.

Can you tell I'm trying to prepare myself for my future career by endeavouring to view things from a managerial perspective?

 

[TragicMonkey]

I should add, she actually name-dropped me when he came by. "Oh, I'm just on the line with Andrew at the Service Desk, he's helping me with a thing."

You mean your name isn't Arthur?! I feel so deceived!!

 

[arthwollipot]

You mean your name isn't Arthur?! I feel so deceived!!

My real name isn't that hard to find if you're clever.

 

[catsmate]

Can you tell I'm trying to prepare myself for my future career by endeavouring to view things from a managerial perspective?

Remember to sharpen the spoon before performing your auto-lobotomy.

 

[Filippo Lippi]

At work today, I was able to use the greatest phrase in anyone's working life, "nope, it was caused by our change."

 

[Filippo Lippi]

Followed by the second greatest, "that IBM analysis tool is ****"

 

[arthwollipot]

At work today, I was able to use the greatest phrase in anyone's working life, "nope, it was caused by our change."

Was that in response to the question "was it a virus?"

 

[Filippo Lippi]

Mainframe, duck, we don't know what viruses are

 

[Norman Alexander]

Can you tell I'm trying to prepare myself for my future career by endeavouring to view things from a managerial perspective?

Sorry, that is NOT a "management perspective". You need to be asking for the biggest, brightest, loudest, greenest laptop you can get away with. REAL managers need such tech to...ahem...manage. It works on the simple principle: Don't ask, don't get.

 

[Norman Alexander]

Mainframe, duck, we don't know what viruses are

OpenVMS has never been hacked. Truly.


Except by dumb clucks giving away their passwords, of course. Social engineering.

 

[quadraginta]

Nah.

Nah.

The laptop I've got now is actually better than the ones that most of my team has. I'm being brought into standard with the rest of the team, which makes sense from a managerial perspective.

Can you tell I'm trying to prepare myself for my future career by endeavouring to view things from a managerial perspective?

You'll never make it as a manager if you aren't willing to use every connection you have access to to get as much privilege as possible for you personally.

Bonus points for climbing up a pile of the broken and mangled bodies of your cow-orkers to reach higher.

Management isn't a job. It's an attitude.