Dear Users… (A thread for Sysadmin, Technical Support, and Help Desk people) Part 10

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Someone just asked me what day I'd be doing the December 1 data pulls. I told him we could talk about that in the 9:00 call if he'd let me know what time that would be happening.
 
Them "We didn't get a lot of information on the change."
Us "The detail was left out because you are the experts."
Me "And it should have been an incident because it was your failure to create the rules correctly in the first place over 30 months ago"

Had to be said
 
rdaneel said:
Oh, well, aren't you posh? We had to transcribe binary code from smoke signals onto punch cards. We're hopeful that our torrent of Weird Al's movie "UHF" will be ready in only 99 to 100 generations.
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Pffft. REAL programmers program in binary.

6a5a14373bc88d9d630f34aa0eacae31.jpg
 
Filippo Lippi said:
Them "We didn't get a lot of information on the change."

Us "The detail was left out because you are the experts."

Me "And it should have been an incident because it was your failure to create the rules correctly in the first place over 30 months ago"



Had to be said
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They did fix the database lag in development problem after a year and bit.

Sent from my SM-G973F using Tapatalk
 
Dear User: if I've suggested that you need to run your request by your boss's boss's boss's boss, a senior vice president, before proceeding it means you probably shouldn't be asking that. It's a warning that your request is very questionable, and the question concerns your continued employment prospects. There are some areas in which we do not play. Take a hint and tread carefully.
 
After another round of tech support with my elderly mother: dear user, please try to prioritize in order of what's actually important. In this case: a potential Gmail account compromise. At stake: all her accounts everywhere, including the financial institutions where she keeps all her retirement money. Her main concern: the weather app on her phone stopped working. So while I'm trying to verify that she was the one who changed her password and recovered her account, she's fussing over being able to see the temperature on her phone. Grrrrrrrrrrrr!
 
TragicMonkey said:
After another round of tech support with my elderly mother: dear user, please try to prioritize in order of what's actually important. In this case: a potential Gmail account compromise. At stake: all her accounts everywhere, including the financial institutions where she keeps all her retirement money. Her main concern: the weather app on her phone stopped working. So while I'm trying to verify that she was the one who changed her password and recovered her account, she's fussing over being able to see the temperature on her phone. Grrrrrrrrrrrr!
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Get her the Frog-in-a-jar app.
 
And my mom's technical problems are exacerbated by my sister constantly giving her the latest trendy gadgets. Which is generous, but extremely unwelcome. My mom doesn't want a thermostat she can control from her phone, and not from the actual wall. And of course the app doesn't work correctly so the heat keeps lowering itself. She didn't need a damn Alexa that if you scream at it several times it will switch on a single lamp in the living room. You know lamps, those things that if you want them on you can just twist a little button on them? She certainly didn't want a TV so "smart" it needs three remotes and fifteen minutes of guesswork to turn on to watch anything. I'm dreading what electronic gizmo she'll be giving her this Xmas.
 
TragicMonkey said:
And my mom's technical problems are exacerbated by my sister constantly giving her the latest trendy gadgets. Which is generous, but extremely unwelcome. My mom doesn't want a thermostat she can control from her phone, and not from the actual wall. And of course the app doesn't work correctly so the heat keeps lowering itself. She didn't need a damn Alexa that if you scream at it several times it will switch on a single lamp in the living room. You know lamps, those things that if you want them on you can just twist a little button on them? She certainly didn't want a TV so "smart" it needs three remotes and fifteen minutes of guesswork to turn on to watch anything. I'm dreading what electronic gizmo she'll be giving her this Xmas.
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Take out all the batteries.
 
A: Hmm, I dunno, maybe it's possible. It's worth a try.




Q: Would my Excel spreadsheet be smaller if I didn't have 34 pivot tables in it?
 
I am getting really sick of talking to the Most Important Person In The Department.

On the other hand, it is nice to talk to someone who genuinely is important, has taken the time to call us themself, has a real problem, and is actually nice about it. That doesn't happen often, but it does happen.
 
Also, this:

Recorded announcement: Welcome to the followup line. If your job is more than three days old, please have your job reference number ready and hold the line for an operator.

Me: Hi, this is <me>, how can I help?

Them: Oh, it's not three days old, but can I follow up my job?

Me: Sure, do you have the job reference number?

Them: No...
 
Again, someone doesn't understand how numbers work. Yes, it's possible for me to get you all the data you want. However what you want will be between forty and fifty million rows of data. How much time do you want to devote to reading the results? Because I only work 40 hours a week and plan to retire in 2043.
 
Similar

Me - "Why are we writing millions of lines of sysout* every day?"

Them - "just in case"


*job output from batch processes
 
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