Dear Users… (A thread for Sysadmin, Technical Support, and Help Desk people) Part 10

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We, apparently, are now taking voice mails. They're put through a voice-to-text, and in this case apparently a translation through Google Translate. We've been having a good old laugh at this one:

Aquí Moni, Ajá. Pentecostés, puerta de tu padre o Pitágoras. Buena tarde. El fin de simple episodio para dar una vuelta por Internet que me ancho.

English
Here Moni, Aha. Pentecost, your father's door or Pythagoras. Good afternoon. The end of a simple episode to take a tour of the Internet that widens me.
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arthwollipot said:
We, apparently, are now taking voice mails. They're put through a voice-to-text, and in this case apparently a translation through Google Translate. We've been having a good old laugh at this one:
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A UK based and an HK based colleague tried the translation system the bank paid a lot of money for. The HK guy could only make sense of the English -> Cantonese when he was given the original English and was then able to reconstruct it. His description was "you would need to be highly imaginative to work that out." My feeling was it was like a cryptic crossword clue where you have to know the 3rd and 4th meanings of words then drop a tab of acid.
 
arthwollipot said:
We, apparently, are now taking voice mails. They're put through a voice-to-text, and in this case apparently a translation through Google Translate. We've been having a good old laugh at this one:

Aquí Moni, Ajá. Pentecostés, puerta de tu padre o Pitágoras. Buena tarde. El fin de simple episodio para dar una vuelta por Internet que me ancho.

English
Here Moni, Aha. Pentecost, your father's door or Pythagoras. Good afternoon. The end of a simple episode to take a tour of the Internet that widens me.
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Shaka, when the walls fell. Kadir beneath Mo Moteh.
 
I was thinking "penitenziagite! watch out for the draco who cometh in futurum to gnaw your anima! death is super nos! pray the santo pater come to liberar nos a malo and all our sin! ha ha, you like this negromanzia de domini nostri jesu christi! et anco jois m'es dols e plazer m'es dolors...cave el diabolo! semper lying in wait for me in some angulum to snap at my heels. but salvatore is not stupidus! bonum monsasterium, and aqui refectorium and pray to dominum nostrum. and the resto is not worth merda. amen. no?"
 
Wudang said:
I was thinking "penitenziagite! watch out for the draco who cometh in futurum to gnaw your anima! death is super nos! pray the santo pater come to liberar nos a malo and all our sin! ha ha, you like this negromanzia de domini nostri jesu christi! et anco jois m'es dols e plazer m'es dolors...cave el diabolo! semper lying in wait for me in some angulum to snap at my heels. but salvatore is not stupidus! bonum monsasterium, and aqui refectorium and pray to dominum nostrum. and the resto is not worth merda. amen. no?"
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You can shorten that to "covfefe".
 
Wudang said:
I was thinking "penitenziagite! watch out for the draco who cometh in futurum to gnaw your anima! death is super nos! pray the santo pater come to liberar nos a malo and all our sin! ha ha, you like this negromanzia de domini nostri jesu christi! et anco jois m'es dols e plazer m'es dolors...cave el diabolo! semper lying in wait for me in some angulum to snap at my heels. but salvatore is not stupidus! bonum monsasterium, and aqui refectorium and pray to dominum nostrum. and the resto is not worth merda. amen. no?"
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That's just a TragicMonkey copypasta... :D
 
Dearest User: before you try to score office points by showing up someone else's error you should do a little research first to make certain the error is actually the fault of the person you're trying to show up. Definitely do not start out in email, copying their boss, your boss, their boss's boss, and your boss's boss. Why not? Because the person you're trying to show up might keep excellent documentation and notes and be able to prove in seconds that the error was actually the fault of your own boss. And you just pointed out your own boss's error to their boss.

Sincerely,
Somebody who keeps every relevant email, meticulously placed in folders by topic, and writes copious, dated, decision-relevant comments in his SQL.
 
TragicMonkey said:
Dearest User: before you try to score office points by showing up someone else's error you should do a little research first to make certain the error is actually the fault of the person you're trying to show up. Definitely do not start out in email, copying their boss, your boss, their boss's boss, and your boss's boss. Why not? Because the person you're trying to show up might keep excellent documentation and notes and be able to prove in seconds that the error was actually the fault of your own boss. And you just pointed out your own boss's error to their boss.

Sincerely,
Somebody who keeps every relevant email, meticulously placed in folders by topic, and writes copious, dated, decision-relevant comments in his SQL.
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Excellent. :D :thumbsup:
 
TragicMonkey said:
Dearest User: before you try to score office points by showing up someone else's error you should do a little research first to make certain the error is actually the fault of the person you're trying to show up. Definitely do not start out in email, copying their boss, your boss, their boss's boss, and your boss's boss. Why not? Because the person you're trying to show up might keep excellent documentation and notes and be able to prove in seconds that the error was actually the fault of your own boss. And you just pointed out your own boss's error to their boss.

Sincerely,
Somebody who keeps every relevant email, meticulously placed in folders by topic, and writes copious, dated, decision-relevant comments in his SQL.
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Corollary: Read your job description. Pretty sure "Scoring office points" is never one of the bullet points.
 
TragicMonkey said:
I think the guy in question is worried about his position. I can't think this is going to help with that, if so!
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Awesomely bad move, then! Even if he wasn't going to get put back in his box by a much better documented coworker. If you think your job is in jeopardy and you really want to keep it, the last thing you do is start throwing hand grenades like that. I speak from the experience of a much younger and sillier and unwiser version of myself. :o
 
Of course I can provide a status update on a job for which you can provide me neither the job number nor the user ID of the person who logged it. Just one moment while I put on my Helmet of Clairvoyance.
 
arthwollipot said:
Of course I can provide a status update on a job for which you can provide me neither the job number nor the user ID of the person who logged it. Just one moment while I put on my Helmet of Clairvoyance.
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"And I think it was logged last week...or was it the week before...I'm not sure, I was an leave at the time and someone logged it for me and I don't know who. Anyway, it was about that thing on my computer at home. You know the one!"
 
You know what I really love about this job? When the users don't trust us to do our jobs. We've got a request to do a thing on a certain date, they just have to phone us to confirm that it will be done on that date. Yes, we will do it on that date. Just could you damn well trust us? This is our job. This is our area of professional expertise. We know what we are doing.
 
arthwollipot said:
You know what I really love about this job? When the users don't trust us to do our jobs. We've got a request to do a thing on a certain date, they just have to phone us to confirm that it will be done on that date. Yes, we will do it on that date. Just could you damn well trust us? This is our job. This is our area of professional expertise. We know what we are doing.
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I find it more offensive when they try to be cute about it by sending an email (copying your boss, of course) asking if there are "any barriers they can assist with that are preventing X being done on Wednesday as agreed." Especially when X is a ten minute query that can't be run until Wednesday because the relevant data gets extracted on Tuesday night. We're waiting not because the task takes continuous work over a span of time but because the task requires a scheduled prerequisite to occur. So now I have to humiliate them by replying to all (copying their boss) explaining it all again in terms a five year old would understand.

And of course I'll have the thing done by 7:35 a.m. on Wednesday but I'm not going to deliver it until 4:58 p.m. because there must be consequences.
 
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