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Dealing with bullies: "Don't tell on them"

Checkmite

Skepticifimisticalationist
Checkmite
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This according to a flier distributed to fifth graders at a Nebraska elementary school. "Tell an adult only when a real injury or crime has occurred. Would we keep our friends if we tattled on them?" the flier asks, because telling someone you're being bullied is just as bad as tattling on your friends apparently.

Other sage words of wisdom from the flier inform us that verbally defending yourself makes you "automatically the loser", "the person who responds actually starts the fight", "no one likes a sore loser", and that a good strategy against verbal abuse is to "make a joke out of it or agree with the put-down".
 
I'm always surprised by advice like these for handling bullies.

Would these people also recommend these tactics for the workplace for adults?
 
Ryokan said:
I'm always surprised by advice like these for handling bullies.

Would these people also recommend these tactics for the workplace for adults?
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I would not be surprised if the answer is yes
 
I generally lost faith in most advice for handling bullies ever since my own school years, when teachers loved to repeatedly declare that "ignoring bullies makes them go away", and impatiently dismissed children who tried to inform them of this technique's observed 100% failure rate.
 
This sounds like a skit from Saturday Night Live!

Do not tell on bullies. The number one reason bullies hate their victims is because the victims tell on them. Telling makes the bully want to retaliate.
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:boggled:

  • Teacher: Billy what's wrong with your eye? It's swollen shut!
    Billy: I must uhhh, have an...allergy? Yes! I have a bad allergy.
    Teacher: Brave little guy!
 
Checkmite said:
This according to a flier distributed to fifth graders at a Nebraska elementary school. "Tell an adult only when a real injury or crime has occurred. Would we keep our friends if we tattled on them?" the flier asks, because telling someone you're being bullied is just as bad as tattling on your friends apparently.

Other sage words of wisdom from the flier inform us that verbally defending yourself makes you "automatically the loser", "the person who responds actually starts the fight", "no one likes a sore loser", and that a good strategy against verbal abuse is to "make a joke out of it or agree with the put-down".
Click to expand...

This sounds like a bully's wet dream: advice on what to do about being bullied that is, apparently, written by a bully.

That "counselor" is in the wrong line of work.
 
My mother's advice for dealing with my bully, paraphrased: "I don't have time to deal with this. Next time he comes after you, hit him in the nose as hard as you can."

With that, I found the confidence to stop the kid. Bloodied his nose, and split his lip (he blacked my eye) and he never bothered me again. We both got suspended of course and I had to say a lot of Our Father's as penance.

The OP advice is beyond stupid and dips into downright dangerous.
 
Checkmite said:
"Tell an adult only when a real injury or crime has occurred. Would we keep our friends if we tattled on them?"
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Assault and battery are real crimes, so that means they should tell an adult if a bully hits them. :p

I'm not sure why they bothered to tack the "Would we keep our friends if we tattled on them?" on the end. After all, not many kids are friends with those who bully them.

But looking more of the "advice" from that link, I'm almost convinced that the flier has to be a practical joke. Surely nobody so detached from reality and logic would be in a position to set policy? Even creationists make more sense than this.
 
There's definitely something rotten in our school system. This is from a school in my neck of the woods:

A South Fayette High School sophomore claims to have been bullied all year at his new school located in McDonald, Pennsylvania. In February, the student made an audio recording of one bullying incident during his special education math class. Instead of questioning the students whose voices were recorded, school administrators threatened to charge him with felony wiretapping before eventually agreeing to reduce the charge to disorderly conduct. On Wednesday, March 19, the student, whose name we have agreed to not include in this story, was found guilty of disorderly conduct by District Judge Maureen McGraw-Desmet.
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Source of above quote: Exclusive: Special Ed. Student Records Audio Proof of Bullying, Threatened With Charges of Felony Wiretapping
Later article: Exclusive UPDATE: Mother of Special Ed. Pennsylvania Bullied Teen Speaks Out as They Battle Court Conviction

This comment from Slashdot (direct link) about the above incident probably applies to the subject of this thread, too:

What a school wants is "peace". They want pupils to shut up and not cause a problem. Especially not a disciplinary one. So how do they deal with bullying? Well, easy: Not at all. Because it is not a school's problem. The bully has his victim, is satisfied and will not cause any other problem towards the school, its property or its faculty. The victim is being pushed and punched.

Now when does the school run into a problem in this scenario? Right. When the victim does not want to play his role anymore. That is when the school runs into a problem. Because now they have to do something. Until that moment, there was no reason for a reaction. A pacified bully is no problem, and a victim that lets the bully kick him is none either. The very LAST thing the school wants is to be forced to take action against the bully. Because then not only does it draw attention to the bullying problem, it puts a very unhappy bully at their hands, someone who knows how to cause trouble if he wants to, who may or may not be even supported in his actions by his parents.

The school's reaction is a logical one: The victim upset the apple cart. He created a problem for the school. What the school wants is him to shut the **** up again and swallow the punches.
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Brian-M said:
Assault and battery are real crimes, so that means they should tell an adult if a bully hits them. :p

I'm not sure why they bothered to tack the "Would we keep our friends if we tattled on them?" on the end. After all, not many kids are friends with those who bully them.
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The rest of the "rules" seem to suggest that the kids are supposed to treat the bully like a friend regardless of his actions ("we only X our enemies, not buddies" is repeated a couple of times like a quasi-mantra).

This thing is described as a "flier", which tends to mean a single sheet of paper - but it looks as if it was photocopied from some sort of book or pamphlet. I wonder what kind of context the pages preceding and following the ones shown would add.
 
Monketey Ghost said:
My mother's advice for dealing with my bully, paraphrased: "I don't have time to deal with this. Next time he comes after you, hit him in the nose as hard as you can."

With that, I found the confidence to stop the kid. Bloodied his nose, and split his lip (he blacked my eye) and he never bothered me again. We both got suspended of course and I had to say a lot of Our Father's as penance.

The OP advice is beyond stupid and dips into downright dangerous.
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Same enough for me. The last day I was bullied was the day I fought back.
 
ehcks said:
Same enough for me. The last day I was bullied was the day I fought back.
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Damn straight. I was bullied all through elementary and middle school because, in short, I allowed it. I took it and kept silent about it, except the occasional complaint to my mother, who did nothing because she didn't really understand the depth of it, or the hurt it caused me. By high school, I'd had enough.

First I followed the weakest member of the bullying group till we were alone together in a hallway during lunchtime. I slammed him up against his locker and yelled in his face: "CUT IT OUT!" "Okay, okay!" he said, pleading. Next I went up to the next strongest kid while he was surrounded by his preppy peers and, in full view of all of them, shoved his own lunch tray (with an open milk carton and food!) all over his shirt. "CUT IT OUT!" I yelled again, then walked off.

The last thing that group did was -- get this! -- come up and "congratulate" me by slapping me on the back with a "Kick Me" sign. A helpful student pointed the sign out two seconds later. Nice work, guys. Really clever and original. :rolleyes:

I was never bullied again.
 
I love this one. How broadly can we apply this sage advice? If your nation is attacked, don't fight back, those are your buddies, ya know. Just bend over and start speaking the appropriate language!



This has to be a joke, right? :confused:
 

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Brian-M said:
Assault and battery are real crimes, so that means they should tell an adult if a bully hits them. :p

I'm not sure why they bothered to tack the "Would we keep our friends if we tattled on them?" on the end. After all, not many kids are friends with those who bully them.

But looking more of the "advice" from that link, I'm almost convinced that the flier has to be a practical joke. Surely nobody so detached from reality and logic would be in a position to set policy? Even creationists make more sense than this.
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I do not think this is a joke. The school has apologised for the note. There are far too many people who do not know much about relationships. Even the common advice "ignore bullies" is not from practical experience very good. So this is believable. But I think society is still struggling to deal with the issue. For example if a person is bullied and the victim hits the bully can the victim be charged for the hit? If not how far can they go? Would mass murder be justified? If the victim cannot hit the bully then the victim is powerless without outside help.

Here is another link on the same subject
http://guardianlv.com/2014/04/nebraska-school-faces-heat-on-facebook-for-bullying-message/
 
Monketey Ghost said:
My mother's advice for dealing with my bully, paraphrased: "I don't have time to deal with this. Next time he comes after you, hit him in the nose as hard as you can."

With that, I found the confidence to stop the kid. Bloodied his nose, and split his lip (he blacked my eye) and he never bothered me again. We both got suspended of course and I had to say a lot of Our Father's as penance.

The OP advice is beyond stupid and dips into downright dangerous.
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Heh, good advise. I found that the best solution to the last bully I dealt with, was to immediately punch him in the face. It angered the admins and teachers who saw it, but I was ultimately better off.
 
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