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Merged Chick Tracts

Scott Haley said:
This tract says that Santeria or Voodoo curses actually work. I've met a lot of American Protestants who believe that Satanists and such can do real magic.
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I never understood this premise.

Let's exchange eternal peace ( i won't go into how that particular concept in the christian religion is pants crappingly scary if you think about it.), and a pretty keen afterlife, for the ability to do a few level 1 spells that don't always work. And not only give up the awesome afterlife, but get a horrid one.

It seems to me if there was this whole mythical battle going on satan would want to offer people something a bit better than what he is. I mean, who in their right mind, would choose some faulty spells over eternal bliss?

And even when one thinks of the possibility of getting a middle management position in hell, i think the show supernatural summed it up pretty well. " Hell is hell, even for demons. ".

It seems satan is asking for volunteer work , while god is offering a 9 figure job. No one would be jumping on the red guy's bandwagon.
 
sadhatter said:
I never understood this premise.

Let's exchange eternal peace ( i won't go into how that particular concept in the christian religion is pants crappingly scary if you think about it.), and a pretty keen afterlife, for the ability to do a few level 1 spells that don't always work. And not only give up the awesome afterlife, but get a horrid one.

It seems to me if there was this whole mythical battle going on satan would want to offer people something a bit better than what he is. I mean, who in their right mind, would choose some faulty spells over eternal bliss?

And even when one thinks of the possibility of getting a middle management position in hell, i think the show supernatural summed it up pretty well. " Hell is hell, even for demons. ".

It seems satan is asking for volunteer work , while god is offering a 9 figure job. No one would be jumping on the red guy's bandwagon.
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Some Satanist groups say that while God exists he left after creation and that prayer is a waste of time. These groups go on to say that since god vacated the premises and satan stuck around then you either get in touch with satans and the demons or nothing. Other Satanic groups say god is the bad guy and satan is the good guy. None of these groups feel that they will be burning in hell and unless I'm mistaken the Laveyan variety of satanism holds that there is no afterlife.
 
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sadhatter said:
And even when one thinks of the possibility of getting a middle management position in hell, i think the show supernatural summed it up pretty well. " Hell is hell, even for demons. ".
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To quote a slightly more literary source, it's "better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven".
 
TragicMonkey said:
No, no, no. There is no Satan, God just made him up so he could stay in power. As long as all the angels believe they are under threat of foreign invasion, they'll keep on accepting God as their dictator and not blink at the huge defense budget of Heaven. Occasionally God has to dress up as Satan and torture a few billion humans for eternity to keep the masquerade going, but he doesn't mind the extra work as it pays off handsomely. And, of course, if the angels ever find out they'll lynch him. It was a near miss two millennia ago when a sex scandal broke out, God was living with an underaged young man, but God quickly sent the guy to earth and spun some story about incarnation, redemption, etc etc. A very confusing piece of piffle, but it satisfied Heaven's media and the populace fell for it, so now God can live openly with a hot young guy who calls him "Daddy" and not suffer any ill press from it. God's kind of a sleazeball, really.
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Perpetual War in Heaven for Perpetual Peace on Earth.
 
TragicMonkey said:
When I lived in Tennessee, a Baptist kid told me his parents told him when he was little that Catholics had to wear their hair styled to hide their horns. He said they weren't trying to be funny.

Which just goes to show how ignorant they were--can anyone imagine having horns and not displaying them? They would be awesome! It would give you more options for hairstyles, and you could hang ornaments from them. A whole new realm of jewelry and accessories would open up! Gold plating! Wrap them in glowsticks! String things between them! I wonder if I could get them installed?
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You could install your cell-phone antenna on them. :)
 
"8 weeks later, Roger dropped dead." Yeah, this one seems well-thought out and not rushed at all!

And why is the angel making a sex tape?
 
TragicMonkey said:
"8 weeks later, Roger dropped dead." Yeah, this one seems well-thought out and not rushed at all!

And why is the angel making a sex tape?
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Good question. Makes me wonder: Can I still make porn in heaven and Does Jesus have his own sex tape?????
 
Meanwhile, in Heaven . . .
 

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What about when we mess around?
What about when we run around?
What about when we look around?
What about when we stick around?
What about when we flop around?
what about when we buy a round?
 
Cainkane, you oughta see someone about this Chick fixation. I'm starting to worry about you.
 
I think I remember a news story where a little old lady was in her house when a thief broke in. Instead of screaming or ranting she greeted him politely and made him a cup of tea. The young man was quite confused but sat down with her and started talking. Once the tea was done she gave him what little cash she had in her wallet and sent him on his way, then she called the police.

It's nice that she defused what could have turned into a rather messy situation but somehow I think that preaching at the young man would have resulted in a much less happy ending.
 
hgc said:
Cainkane, you oughta see someone about this Chick fixation. I'm starting to worry about you.
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Consider Cainkane to be an entymologist. But instead of lifting up rocks and studying revolting insects, he's studying even more revolting forms of fundamentalism.
 
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