I disagree, her loving me (whether I can know it for sure or not) is essential to her being a good wife.
This is an assertion and not born on any reality. You may WANT her to love you, but if she treats you as though she does, she is being a good wife.
Who is a better husband
1.) Man A who loves his wife but has an affair
2.) Man B who doesn't love his wife but has never cheated on her?
Note that in both relationships, the husband and wife are friends who have peaceful happy interactions.
People who do the right thing for the right reasons are more laudable than people who do the right thing for the wrong reasons.
I agree. But doing the right thing regardless of the reason makes you GOOD at that thing.
Whether we can know someone's reason for doing something or another is besides the point. I'm sure there is a lawyer here who can speak to this, but someone who through negligence runs over a pedestrian in their car is punished less harshly than someone who from malice aforethought does so.
The person who drove negligently and killed someone was being a bad citizen. plain and simple. They caused a death due to their actions and we punish it. We may lessen the punishment if there wasn't intent, but this has more to do with our compasionate court system vs. whether or not we view a person as a good/bad citizen. We punish in both cases, and are therefore sending the signal that both cases represent bad citizenry.
Further, do we lessen the reward based on intent?
Do we punish a person who avoided hitting a black pedestrian because they didn't want a black person touching thier car?
As you can see, we do not have thought crimes. It is impossible and disengenious for us to define citizenship on thought.
Whether we can know for sure that a citizen of this country is able and willing to offer a morally compelling justification for her citizenship that does not conflict with her other principles is almost besides the point; if we did know we would say that one who can offer that justification is, everything else equal, better than one who cannot.
It isn't beside the point, it is your point, your argument. Your argument requires to know what is in the heart of man. You are claiming to know what is in the heart of an atheist and you define it as being less than a theist. That's simple absurdity.
It does make wonder if someone clever, who could offer a morally compelling justification of their citizenship, and believes it to be true, but acts in all ways contrary to that belief and justification is, in any way, a better citizen than someone who cannot or won't give a justification for their citizenship, but does act in a morally and politically exemplary way.
No it doesn't. that logic leap requires belief that your definition of good citizen is true. It isn't. Citizenry is defined by actions not beliefs. Of course, being able to give a justification is a necessary but not sufficient component of good citizenship.
And I thought about what I said before, that perhaps an atheist could be a good citizen of a country based on the principle of utilitarianism. I think this begs the question, because, given the manifold problems of utilitarianism as a moral philosophy, it's not clear to me that a society based on a utilitarian principle is itself good.
Because your straw-atheist can only begood in your straw-society which you say isn't good, then the straw-atheist can't be good and therefore atheists can't be good citizens?
Not a very convincing argument. Indeed, it's rather silly.
I gave you an example of a secular humanist society. Could an atheist be good in such? Could you functionally distinguish between a secular humanist society and western governments of today?
I guess some atheist would have to offer the justification and I would then have to judge whether it was morally compelling.
I see. You are the final arbiter on what is good and bad.
I've read some justifications of Communist regimes and other kinds of regimes not based on natural right and I have to admit, I did not find them morally compelling.
And this straw-society is bad, therefore, atheism is bad?
You ignored my secular humanist example. Why?