Blond Jesus

[quarky]

All the earliest images are pretty direct knockoffs of Apollo imagery. A young, beardless man with a dome of curly hair.

The bearded, older Jesus, with that long nose-bridge and those European features seems to have started in the 6th century.

It feels safe to assume he was a babe of a dude. We don't long honor the ugly.
It wouldn't be surprising if Jesus can change his look to most impress any locals.

Santa's look has evolved over the years, thanks largely to an old Coca Cola add, when we accepted his obesity and began leaving him fattening treats by the millions.

Jesus looks perfect, however you define it. Better than Elvis.

 

[The Atheist]

It is true.

Jesus dyed to save arseholes.

Classic!

That's not a bathrobe, silly. That's one of those special Mormon garment thingies. Your ignorance aboundeth.

Jesus was a mormon?

He also had rubber underwear in case he made daddy angry and shot a bolt of lightning down at the poor sod.
In Catholicism, the Madonna is also a blonde haired blue eyed caucasian.

Yeah, I love the blonde Madonna. She's always depicted with as a slim, beautiful Caucasian sheila.

I guess the idea of bowing down to a swarthy Kike chick just doesn't turn them on.

I'm not much of a Bible reader, but are there any characters at all in it who are described much in a physical sense?

Could that because none of the bible's writers ever actually saw him them???

Buy this, and really screw up your children's idea of Jesus:

[qimg]http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y74/rosysparkle/339.jpg[/qimg]

Roman Catholic, I presume?

I don't think I've ever seen a blonde Jesus. They've all had brown hair.

Check out my bloke. Sure, it's light brown, but in a sea of ragheads, he'd look pretty blond.

No, it's because everyone in that part of the world looked alike.

Ask any ancient Roman.

Kind of like a police description of an offender in China:

Straight black hair, 5'8", 73 kg, glasses, clean shaven...

 

[Piscivore]

I don't think I've ever seen a blonde Jesus. They've all had brown hair.

I've got a children's bible I was gifted by my grandmother in the 1970s that depicts him so.

ETA: This is the one.

 

[quarky]

The virgin Mary was obviously hot. To depict her as otherwise is to disgrace God's taste.

The Atheist is extremely sac-religious.

Keep in mind that, post birth, Mary was nursing the lord. Her breasts were full. There is no shame in knowing this.

 

[TX50]

I guess the idea of bowing down to a swarthy Kike chick just doesn't turn them on.

But those Israeli babes are hot! Especially when in olive drab and toting
an UZI.

 

[TX50]

I've got a children's bible I was gifted by my grandmother in the 1970s that depicts him so.

"The Golden Children"!? Is that some kinda Scientology thing?

 

[Agatha]

Roman Catholic, I presume?

Me, no. I've seen it before linked somewhere, and it really was once seen never forgotten.

 

[Madalch]

I've got a children's bible I was gifted by my grandmother in the 1970s that depicts him so.

ETA: This is the one.

I checked your picture, and that looks like brown hair to me. It's not black (the colour you would expect in the Middle East), but it's not what I would consider blond, either. Same with TA's bloke. That's brown hair.

This is a blond Jesus:

There's a more serious one here: http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/1emnUNV9YX7btJo53Cnh5w

 

[TX50]

There's a more serious one here: http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/1emnUNV9YX7btJo53Cnh5w

He apparently works out regularly too! Is there a provenance for that painting of the "nordic" jesus?

Are there any black Jesuses?

 

[Madalch]

He apparently works out regularly too! Is there a provenance for that painting of the "nordic" jesus?

Are there any black Jesuses?

I don't know the source of that Nordic jesus. But a couple of black ones came up when I did a GoogleImage search for the blond ones.

 

[The Atheist]

Keep in mind that, post birth, Mary was nursing the lord. Her breasts were full. There is no shame in knowing this.

Don't say that - Magnifico2.0 will come in and get horny.

But those Israeli babes are hot! Especially when in olive drab and toting
an UZI.

Well, in terms of the above post, she had oozies.

There's a more serious one here: http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/1emnUNV9YX7btJo53Cnh5w

Hey, that one's a bleached Rasta!

I don't know the source of that Nordic jesus. But a couple of black ones came up when I did a GoogleImage search for the blond ones.

There's a Maori one in Rotorua.

 

[PrincessIneffabelle]

Nah, you guys are all wrong! Jesus was not blond. He was pink!

 

[TX50]

[qimg]http://www.internationalskeptics.com/forums/imagehosting/thum_1483746277e3427d97.jpg[/qimg][URL]

Christianos ad leonem (sort of...)

 

[Hokulele]

I'm not much of a Bible reader, but are there any characters at all in it who are described much in a physical sense? I assume there are, but I can't remember any (apart from Goliath, whose physicality was integral to that account).

Song of Solomon.


ETA: I can't believe no one else took a swing at that softball.

 

[triadboy]

Those depictions are from the middle ages.

The Gospel writers (and Paul) never met Jesus. (They didn't even live in the same country.) They would never attempt to describe him. But apparently there was no reason for them to think Jesus looked unusual. Their lack of description describes an average man from that area (Nazereth) - from that time (30 AD). He probably looked a lot like a swarthy Danny Devito.

 

[MIKILLINI]

For more sportsy-fun good times with the big J, try here:

http://www.catholicshopper.com/products/inspirational_sport_statues2.html

Before writing, I had to take a moment and wait until my laughter subsided from viewing those pictures.
Jesus using ice skates is an ironic one.

 

[triadboy]

http://www.jesusoftheweek.com/jesii/506/index.html

I love this site. Click on the 'select a Jesus'.

 

[MIKILLINI]

I'm not much of a Bible reader, but are there any characters at all in it who are described much in a physical sense? I assume there are, but I can't remember any (apart from Goliath, whose physicality was integral to that account).
Shouldn't be any great surprise that in religious texts the words and actions of people take precedent over appearance.
Nor am I aware of physical descriptions of the Buddha, Guru Nanak, Chaitanya, Zoroaster, Mohammed, Rumi, Lao-Tse.. and many others, though I'm probably just ignorant of what there is.
Just out of interest, Sri Ramakrishna had a vision of Jesus and he reported him as having rather a flat nose.. and IIRC said he was kind of short and stocky.

It's true Plumjam, you really aren't much of a bible reader.

Check out Song of Solomon to get some real physical description.

ETA: Hokulele beat Me to it.

 

[MIKILLINI]

http://www.jesusoftheweek.com/ has all the jesus's you can shake a stick at. (I've submitted 3!!)

Give Me a break..

 

[Darth Rotor]

ETA: Hokulele beat Me to it.

Since she lost her Kama Sutra, she had to resort to Song of Solomon for inspiration.

As such, it ain't bad.

DR