Is there any reason the space craft couldn't be orbitting ome meter above the black hole (ignoring the issue of what it might run into)?
Yes, there is. The stable orbit nearest to the singularity is 1.5 times as far from it as the event horizon is.
Could somebody provide a quantitative estimate of the variation in gravity across one meter for something that was very close to the event horizon of a large black hole. Presumably the bigger the black hole the smaller the gravity gradient, but I sit back and wait for edification on that.
It depends not just on the size of the hole, but on the closeness of the object to the event horizon. In the limit of a very large hole the acceleration is simply proportional to the inverse distance to the horizon (as measured in the standard Schwarzschild metric). The proportionality constant is c^2 by dimensional analysis, so the force on a point particle of mass m a distance d from the horizon is m c^2/d times a constant of order 1. Note that there is no dependence on G, the gravitational constant - that's for the reason I was trying to explain above.
Assuming for a second that the black hole is large enough the gravity gradient is small enough across a one meter space craft that things aren't completely shredded then my guess is that from the point of view of the guy in the space craft he can put his arm out and pull it back. But from the point of view of a distant observer pulling the arm back takes an infinite amount of time.
No, because the force on his arm goes to infinity when it gets to the horizon.
OK, so there is an infinite force gradient across the event horizon if you are accelerating away from it (essentially the amount of the acceleration required), and it will procure the proffered pfinger. If you are going with the (gravity) flow, you don't see/feel it until you get much closer to the singularity and he spaghettification starts in. Fair?
Yes.
BTW, I believe that spaghettification from tidal forces has no direct relationship to the event horizon. For small black holes it happens outside the horizon, for large ones inside.
For freely falling observers, correct.
I don't know where I read the stuff about radiation inside the event horizon piling up as it attempted to exit outwards. Sorry.
It wasn't completely wrong - no need to apologize.
Please note that I am not a physicist and could be wrong, but I do not see any reason why you would automatically lose your finger, provided that the black hole is large enough for the gravitational gradient to be small. Think of a galaxy sized black hole.
The size of the hole only matters if it's small compared to the object we're discussing. For large holes, where the horizon can be approximated as a flat surface when the object is close, my analysis above applies.
Can you explain this to me? I understand that if your head is past the EH and you decide to wiggle your toes, you won't be able to because the original nerve signal is also past the EH and therefore can't escape.
However, I don't understand how that would change once your entire body was past the EH. Surely as long as your head stayed closer to the singularity than your feet, the nerve signal would never be able to reach your feet.
Someone holding themselves at fixed distance above the horizon (head first) is like standing in a very powerful wind blowing up from your feet to your head. When the wind gets to the speed of sound, no matter how loudly you shout the sound will never reach your feet.
But if you let go and fly along with that wind, you can talk to your feet to your heart's content.