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Being bullied

malbui said:
I got bullied a lot right up until about age 15, as a result mainly of being smaller, younger and smarter than my classmates and foreign to boot. Fortuntely for me I went through a huge spurt of growth in my mid-teens, bulking up a fair bit as well as getting tall, and when the worst offender made the mistake of having a go at me without his posse in close attendance he, and I, found out that I was now capable of kicking the snot out of him. It's the only time in my life I've been involved in physical violence away from the rugby pitch but it absolutely changed my life.
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You win the prize for "biggest badass with a Dora the Explorer avatar."
 
I just saw this on Fark:

http://www.wmur.com/news/23620076/detail.html
A 14-year-old boy was coerced into getting a tattoo by others who said they wouldn't pick on him at school if he allowed it to happen, police said.
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In the affidavit, police said the boy had apparent learning disabilities and self-esteem issues, which made him a target at school. Police said a pattern of bullying put the boy in a mental state in which we would agree to do anything to make it stop.
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Madalch said:
Nope- I was bullied in Canada throughout my school career. Entirely my fault, though, for being younger and smaller than the other kids in the class.
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While I was smaller than the other kids in my class, my class was actually pretty good, and not the problem. It was older kids.

In that respect, being younger and smaller isn't enough (because they are older and therefore typically bigger). You have to be different. Unfortunately, that was my problem.

When I was in third grade, I tripped playing basketball and hit the floor. With my front teeth, that is, which subsequently shattered (imagine adult sized teeth in a 3rd grader mouth, and they were big). So the dentist put caps on them. Silver caps, that is.

Now imagine me growing up with large, buck teeth - silver teeth. Sadly, there is a lot to make fun of there. Most of the kids were cool, and I could deal with the usual crap. However, the aforementioned bully found them hilarious, and that was the basis for the bullying.

I was in 8th grade before I got some non-silver alternatives. Now I have porcelain crowns.
 
TragicMonkey said:
And the anger doesn't go away, either. We are told that when we grow up we're supposed to "get over it", acknowledge that they were just stupid kids, and probably they had horrible home lives that explain why they were such little ****s and we should forgive them and move on.

I don't think so. When I remember things that happened when I was in school, I am still consumed by a fury unabated with the passing of the years. Given the means and opportunity to seek violent vengeance on the worst offenders you can absolutely bet I would. I am actually shaking with rage, remembering. Could I crush the life from those people right now and get away with it, I'd do it in a heartbeat. My only qualm would be how to make sure they knew exactly why I was doing it, and how to maximize their suffering. I want them not just to cease to exist, but to admit how terrible they were and how richly they deserve it.

Does that make me a bad person? If so, they're the ones who made me this way. So it's only justice if I ever manage to make good on my revenge fantasies. Which, sadly, I realize will never happen. But oh how sweet the dream is!

The only thing that surprises me about school shootings and massacres is that they aren't a lot more common. Especially at the junior high ages, 12-14 years old.
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I'm not alone!

I hope for a future where such things are only in the past.
 
TragicMonkey said:
And the anger doesn't go away, either. We are told that when we grow up we're supposed to "get over it", acknowledge that they were just stupid kids, and probably they had horrible home lives that explain why they were such little ****s and we should forgive them and move on.

I don't think so. When I remember things that happened when I was in school, I am still consumed by a fury unabated with the passing of the years. Given the means and opportunity to seek violent vengeance on the worst offenders you can absolutely bet I would. I am actually shaking with rage, remembering. Could I crush the life from those people right now and get away with it, I'd do it in a heartbeat. My only qualm would be how to make sure they knew exactly why I was doing it, and how to maximize their suffering. I want them not just to cease to exist, but to admit how terrible they were and how richly they deserve it.

Does that make me a bad person? If so, they're the ones who made me this way. So it's only justice if I ever manage to make good on my revenge fantasies. Which, sadly, I realize will never happen. But oh how sweet the dream is!

The only thing that surprises me about school shootings and massacres is that they aren't a lot more common. Especially at the junior high ages, 12-14 years old.
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Hello, Me.

I can completely relate to how you felt and how you are feeling today. I was bullied a crapton in Elementary and Highschool for my physique (So I was a fatty, what of it?). I harboured elaborate revenge fantasies too, sometimes bordering on what would be considered psychopathical.

Even now, 200lbs and several years later when nobody really can even tell I even ever was obese, meeting people that can't even know I was ever fat unless I told them, I still think of them as them viewing me as fat and not worthy of human respect.

Even years later it completely affects your way of how you think of people perceiving and responding to you, and it can be socially crippling. Even the renewed self-esteem of looking "normal" can't fix that, no matter how comfortable you feel now. It is wierd feeling proud in being unremarkable. In the back of your head there is still that highschool voice going "they only like you out of sympathy" that you've gotten accostumed to out of years of verbal and physical abuse from your highschool peers.

The parent and teacher issue is big. As a kid you see those two grownup groups as being more wise and knowledgeable of the world than you, and if they simply dismiss your laments you will come to think the issue really is with just you as a person, rather than with how those people percieve you. This can be completely devastating if as a child you have no real view on how you can change this, and you simply come to accept that you are not worthy of respect. As you said," The only thing that surprises me about school shootings and massacres is that they aren't a lot more common.". I can completely see more kids snapping at that kind of abuse.

Luckily today after many hours of therapy and meeting people that care for me for who I really am, this is almost a non issue, but I don't think anyone that was extensively bullied in their youth really ever gets rid of that little nagging voice in the back of their head.
 
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RockNroll said:
I must say, even though I remember seeing a few kids be made fun of here and there, I never noticed anything nearly as bad as the stuff described in these threads (I finished high school in 1998, not that long ago). I'm definitely not saying it didn't happen, though, just that it wasn't a very overt thing at the schools I went to.
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I've seen people from my old school on the alumni page on Facebook talk about what a great school it was and what great memories they have. (I'm not linked to it and don't have my maiden name up there, because I have no desire to have contact with them, but I did lurk out of morbid curiosity.) They might say the same things you do. Because all the bullying mattered very much to me, but very little to them. They were just having fun, so what's to remember?

TragicMonkey said:
The only thing that surprises me about school shootings and massacres is that they aren't a lot more common. Especially at the junior high ages, 12-14 years old.
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I don't have that personal anger anymore, but I sure did then. And it was right at that age that I used to fantasize about taking a gun to school, taunting them, watching them cry, and then killing them. Back before all the school shootings started. So yeah, I'm never shocked to hear about it.
 
Darth Rotor said:
Or, you can do as I did and get into a lot of fights.
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I didn't get into a lot of fights -- just walked up to a bully in the cafeteria from behind, and without preamble strangled him right in the chair. We both were hauled before the principal, and I said "Sir, I know what I did was wrong, and I should have gone with complaint to you or to one of the teachers. But had I done that, a week later someone would start tormenting me again, and you would have to go through the whole rigmarole again. The way I handled it, nobody will touch me again, and you will never hear about it again."

I was right. Nobody bullied me for the rest of high school.

That was in 1981 or 1982. Very likely today I would have gone to jail for defending myself.
 
Safe-Keeper said:
One of my HS teachers came down hard on even the slightest bit of bullying that went on in his or her room. The slightest cruel comment, and you were out in the hallway having a chat with him. As a result, no bullying went on in that room. Sadly, most teachers don't have the balls/ovaries for that kind of vigilance.
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What's worse is I think there are too many teachers overly concerned with being liked. I remember quite a few getting clicky with those kids and turning a blind eye to the bullying.

I felt a little bullying in 7th and 8th grade. It was not the same as the OP because I went out of my way to get negative attention. My first year in high school started in Sept, as well as the constant mockery but in October I was in a car accident. Coming back to school with a disability gave me an rather untouchable status. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY was going to go down as the one who beat up the one-legged girl so I managed to get away with a lot of mouthing off with little or no fear of retribution. I don't recommend getting through it my way, but I was spared a lot of grief. Sure I was made fun of behind my back, but I could make fun of them openly.
 
TraneWreck said:
You win the prize for "biggest badass with a Dora the Explorer avatar."
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Swiper certainly stopped swiping after I kicked his ass. By which I mean his backside and not some donkey that turned up in a couple of episodes.
 
Mark6 said:
I didn't get into a lot of fights -- just walked up to a bully in the cafeteria from behind, and without preamble strangled him right in the chair. We both were hauled before the principal, and I said "Sir, I know what I did was wrong, and I should have gone with complaint to you or to one of the teachers. But had I done that, a week later someone would start tormenting me again, and you would have to go through the whole rigmarole again. The way I handled it, nobody will touch me again, and you will never hear about it again."

I was right. Nobody bullied me for the rest of high school.

That was in 1981 or 1982. Very likely today I would have gone to jail for defending myself.
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I had a classmate who was bullied when we were freshmen. In our study hall, we had newspapers that were mounted on bamboo sticks for hanging and keeping together. I remember the day when he took one of those sticks and just started wailing on the guy. Blood was flying, and he was just going to town.

He got suspended for it, with the Principal wishing him a pleasant week off of school. That would have been 83 - 84
 
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I feel a little guilty saying this, but I actually feel better to know that other people went through the same stuff and understand. All the crap on TV and stuff about bullying suggests that everyone grows up, gets over it, and there are no lingering wounds. It makes me feel better to know I'm not alone in still hurting. I knew other people had the same or worse than I did, but I always kind of assumed that it wasn't normal to hold grudges or still be angry. Wrathful bitterness loves company! And it's pretty awesome company, actually. Those stupid bullies had no idea how cool we would become, or how cool we probably were then if they weren't too vicious to notice.
 
TragicMonkey said:
And the anger doesn't go away, either. We are told that when we grow up we're supposed to "get over it", acknowledge that they were just stupid kids, and probably they had horrible home lives that explain why they were such little ****s and we should forgive them and move on.

I don't think so. When I remember things that happened when I was in school, I am still consumed by a fury unabated with the passing of the years. Given the means and opportunity to seek violent vengeance on the worst offenders you can absolutely bet I would. I am actually shaking with rage, remembering. Could I crush the life from those people right now and get away with it, I'd do it in a heartbeat. My only qualm would be how to make sure they knew exactly why I was doing it, and how to maximize their suffering. I want them not just to cease to exist, but to admit how terrible they were and how richly they deserve it.

Does that make me a bad person? If so, they're the ones who made me this way. So it's only justice if I ever manage to make good on my revenge fantasies. Which, sadly, I realize will never happen. But oh how sweet the dream is!

The only thing that surprises me about school shootings and massacres is that they aren't a lot more common. Especially at the junior high ages, 12-14 years old.
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Your attitude makes very good sense. I did not handle it the ways of others but I do/did not in any way look down on those who did not fight back. And re:school shooting thing as long as they only shoot the ones who physically harmed them I have no problem with the shooting (though, as you may know, I prefer slower, more educational methods)(as you may also have read there is something in me that loathes the things (and they are things, not persons) that feel required to harm others those ways). For the ones who harmed with words, I suggest supergluing a box with a switch on it's outside (no blinker silliness) and telling them they have thirty minutes to think about the afterlife. I loathe bullies and would happily wipe that trait out of humanity - one bully at a time.:mad::mad::mad:
 
TragicMonkey said:
I feel a little guilty saying this, but I actually feel better to know that other people went through the same stuff and understand. All the crap on TV and stuff about bullying suggests that everyone grows up, gets over it, and there are no lingering wounds. It makes me feel better to know I'm not alone in still hurting. I knew other people had the same or worse than I did, but I always kind of assumed that it wasn't normal to hold grudges or still be angry. Wrathful bitterness loves company! And it's pretty awesome company, actually. Those stupid bullies had no idea how cool we would become, or how cool we probably were then if they weren't too vicious to notice.
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That's the thing. As an adult you can put things into perspective, as a child (or even a naive teenager) - not so much.
Which is also exactly how it damages you, even later. It's completely normal to still feel at least resentment if not complete anger to the people that caused you to feel how you did then and how you do today. Having vengeful feelings is normal, acting on them is a different step alltogether.

I for one find my passive avengement fulfilled by "friending" those people on facebook and seeing how a lot of them ended up dropping out and giving up on their dreams due to their bigoted views on the world and people around them. Petty? Maybe. Somewhat fullfilling? Definitely.
Meanwhile I'm doing the job I dreamed about in HS and wake up every day happy doing it, and get to share it with people that love me and that I love in return.
 
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Mark6 said:
I didn't get into a lot of fights -- just walked up to a bully in the cafeteria from behind, and without preamble strangled him right in the chair. We both were hauled before the principal, and I said "Sir, I know what I did was wrong, and I should have gone with complaint to you or to one of the teachers. But had I done that, a week later someone would start tormenting me again, and you would have to go through the whole rigmarole again. The way I handled it, nobody will touch me again, and you will never hear about it again."

I was right. Nobody bullied me for the rest of high school.

That was in 1981 or 1982. Very likely today I would have gone to jail for defending myself.
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Well fing done Mark. When you can get yourself to entertain them it does work out quicker.
 
it sucks to be bullied, especially in a workplace. in the workplace, u have to keep your cool or you could get written up...or worse.

while...in the world outside of work, i threaten to **** people up when they piss me off. and it works quite well.
 
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I can remember a period of a few months in Middle School where I was physically bullied by a few other kids every day at recess. At the time and in retrospect it didn't/doesn't make sense. I was bigger, stronger, better at sports, smarter, etc. than my tormenters. Maybe it was the fact that I was petrified of getting in trouble and just wouldn't fight back at school. I am pretty certain that if I went to a teacher/administrator about it, they would have responded.

I also have memories of making comments to a fellow student in High School, both alone and as part of a group, that caused him to make comments along the lines of "if had an ak-47 I'd kill you all." I don't recall feeling like I was being a bully, but I now know i must have been. There was no physical stuff, but there was verbal teasing. Had a teacher, parent, etc., actually confronted us and said "you're being a bully, leave the kid alone" I am certain we would have felt really bad about what we were doing and stopped doing it. This wasn't a pattern of behavior for me, and it certainly wasn't about making myself feel better or more confident- it was immature, hurtful behavior that needed to be corrected by someone who knew better than a bunch of stupid 15 year-olds.
 
Mark6 said:
Thank you! But I am not quite parsing your next part:

Can you explain this?
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In a lot of cases when it comes to bullying you can take the power from them by being self-deprecating and taking the joke from them. Whats the point in making fun of someone if they're not bothered by it? It works, but it takes some training and self-perspective.
 
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