Because You Know Its Coming: The Kim Jung Il Conspiracies

[LightinDarkness]

You just know the tinfoil hat brigade is going to have a field day with the news about the death of Kim Jung Il. Over on GLP and ATS the kooks are ready dreaming up grand conspiracies, but nothing beyond their normal stupidity so far. If anyone happens to find any of them particularly hilarious and over the top, let us know.

 

[Obviousman]

I got shut down at BAUT for suggesting one:

http://www.bautforum.com/showthread.php/125755-Kim-Jong-Il-dead-killed-in-a-coup-led-by-his-son

My theory isn't even that far-fetched, just baseless.

They're no fun anymore at BAUT.

 

[JamesB]

He was killed because he demanded too much to be in Team America II.

 

[Obviousman]

 

[fuelair]

No conspiracies so far - well, except for the killed by Team America over the re:boot of their franchise.
But, hey, ding, dong the bitch is dead!!! Good riddance/bad rubbish and may his son and guards go with him soonest!!

 

[Robrob]

Eventually it will be America's fault.

 

[Harpo]

eventually it will be america's the jews fault.

ftfy

 

[SpitfireIX]

I got shut down at BAUT for suggesting one:

http://www.bautforum.com/showthread.php/125755-Kim-Jong-Il-dead-killed-in-a-coup-led-by-his-son

My theory isn't even that far-fetched, just baseless.

They're no fun anymore at BAUT.

Yeah, I know; that's one of the reasons I don't post there very often anymore.

 

[mercatormac]

I got shut down at BAUT for suggesting one:

http://www.bautforum.com/showthread.php/125755-Kim-Jong-Il-dead-killed-in-a-coup-led-by-his-son

My theory isn't even that far-fetched, just baseless.

They're no fun anymore at BAUT.

Well it doesn't have much to do with astronomy, does it?
You should have suggested that his son bashed in his head with a meteorite.

 

[SpitfireIX]

Well it doesn't have much to do with astronomy, does it?
You should have suggested that his son bashed in his head with a meteorite.

A much better idea: The Chinese whacked him because he found out they're planning to fake a moon mission and they were afraid he'd talk.

 

[Horatius]

A much better idea: The Chinese whacked him because he found out they're planning to fake a moon mission and they were afraid he'd talk.

No, no, he was planning his own fake moon mission, and they didn't want him making mistakes that would be obviously different from the mistakes they planned to make.

When dealing with NK, the crazier, the better.

 

[SpitfireIX]

No, no, he was planning his own fake moon mission, and they didn't want him making mistakes that would be obviously different from the mistakes they planned to make.

When dealing with NK, the crazier, the better.

You're right. That's even better.

 

[coalesce]

It's all Hans Brix's fault, anyway.

Michael

 

[A Laughing Baby]

Since Kim Jong Il was the largest single purchaser of Hennessy, it was a faked death so that he could hang out and drink with Tupac (who also faked his death for Hennessy drinking purposes).

 

[little grey rabbit]

While I don't believe there is a conspiracy about Kim Jung Il's death - speculation on his health have been circulating for several years now.

However, if I were to make a conspiracy theory, I think James has hit the nail on the head

He was killed because he demanded too much to be in Team America II.

News reports indicate that he was on the verge of signing an agreement resolving tensions and accessing increased deliveries of food aid. As North Korea serves a very important functional role in the international system - that of the dangerous unpredictable nuclear power, capable of delivering nuclear missiles to half the world - any signs of a rapprochement to the rest of the world has to be fought.

Even in Australia we use the "threat" of nuclear attack from North Korea to integrate ourselves into America's satellite defence system. The military-industrial complex can not survive without exciting wicked villains and their viability and villain-ness has to be protected at all costs. And any North Korea that shows even the slightest signs of abandoning role assigned to that country must be ruthlessly eliminated - if nothing more than to encourage the others.

 

[Obviousman]

Since Kim Jong Il was the largest single purchaser of Hennessy, it was a faked death so that he could hang out and drink with Tupac (who also faked his death for Hennessy drinking purposes).

Oooh, I like that one.

 

[Alareth]

He's filming in an undisclosed location:

 

[Sam.I.Am]

While I don't believe there is a conspiracy about Kim Jung Il's death - speculation on his health have been circulating for several years now.

However, if I were to make a conspiracy theory, I think James has hit the nail on the head

News reports indicate that he was on the verge of signing an agreement resolving tensions and accessing increased deliveries of food aid. As North Korea serves a very important functional role in the international system - that of the dangerous unpredictable nuclear power, capable of delivering nuclear missiles to half the world - any signs of a rapprochement to the rest of the world has to be fought.

Even in Australia we use the "threat" of nuclear attack from North Korea to integrate ourselves into America's satellite defence system. The military-industrial complex can not survive without exciting wicked villains and their viability and villain-ness has to be protected at all costs. And any North Korea that shows even the slightest signs of abandoning role assigned to that country must be ruthlessly eliminated - if nothing more than to encourage the others.

Uhhh. No. Just no. Best Korea hasn't demonstrated that they have missiles with enough range to even come close to that, much less that they have developed a warhead capable of being mounted on a ballistic missile.

Australia's biggest worry on that front would probably be China (and maybe India although that's not very likely at all), not North Korea. Australia's sphere of influence over the South Pacific and the Indian Ocean are the only reason why they would even be a target in the first place. During the Cold War they were a target of the Soviets only because of their ability to support their allies naval warships not unlike what happened in WWII.

Best Korea has no blue water navy to speak of and other than some oil tankers that skirt through northern Indonesia there's nothing of vital importance to them even close to Australia.

 

[Robrob]

As North Korea serves a very important functional role in the international system - that of the dangerous unpredictable nuclear power, capable of delivering nuclear missiles to half the world

What, by boat?

 

[Scott Sommers]

I have proof that it was inside job. From the NY Times,

Kim Jong-il, the enigmatic North Korean leader, died on a train at 8:30 a.m. Saturday in his country. Forty-eight hours later, officials in South Korea still did not know anything about it — to say nothing of Washington, where the State Department acknowledged “press reporting” of Mr. Kim’s death well after North Korean state media had already announced it.

What more proof do you that it was an inside job than when the State Department says they were taken by surprise? In fact, it's the only proof you need. And any other facts that are presented to the contrary are clearly fake.