Australia

[Akhenaten]

Of course, not all kangaroos are aggressive

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAN0EUkjN-4

I so knew what that was going to be.

Good one.

 

[lionking]

My mate Johnno from Melbourne wanted a new car, so he went to the used car dealer and said "I want a Pord."

"A what?"

"A Pord. I want you to sell me a Pord Palcon."

"Oh, you mean a Ford?"

"Yeah, and make sure it's past! I really want to be able to put my poot down."

The salesman duly sold him a good fast Ford Falcon. He was so pleased that he went to his sister, and said "Hey Piona! Check out my new Pord. It's really past! Wanna come for a drive?"

"You getcha!" she replied.

So Johnno and his sister Fiona went out for a really long drive in the Victorian countryside. After a couple of hours they saw a digger in his slouch hat, hitchhiking by the side of the road, so they pulled over.

As he got in, the soldier asked "Ya going to Pucka?"

Johnno replied "Don't be stupid, she's me bloody sister!"

Good try wolli, but that joke's older than Moses.

 

[arthwollipot]

Good try wolli, but that joke's older than Moses.

Did I claim otherwise?

 

[BaaBaa]

I've never meet anybody from this "Australiania" you speak of and I don't know anybody who has been to it, either. You people are the victims of clever hoaxing!

 

[Akhenaten]

Sssshhh! It's not a hoax, it's a cunning plan to sneak up on New Zealand and steal all their . . . umm . . . err . . .

Oops. We didn't think that through very well, did we?

Dang!



Cheers mate, and welcome aboard.

 

[arthwollipot]

SHEEP!!! Did I get it right?

 

[Akhenaten]

I was probing a little. I suspect BaaBaa may be a spy from across the ditch, and I thought I'd throw a bit of disinformation out there, just in case.

Now we just have to wait and see what shows up in kiwipedia and then we'll know for sure.

 

[Lolly]

What's kiwipedia?

 

[Akhenaten]

A word I just made up as a play on a New Zealand version of Wikipedia.

 

[MG1962]

An American tourist arrives at Sydney airport and begins the exhaustive process of clearing customs

During the inspection of his bags and documents, the customs offiicer enquires

"Sir, do you have a criminal record"

Stunned the American replies. "No, I didn't realise you still needed one to enter the country"

 

[Moss]

My mate Johnno from Melbourne wanted a new car, so he went to the used car dealer and said "I want a Pord."

"A what?"

"A Pord. I want you to sell me a Pord Palcon."

"Oh, you mean a Ford?"

"Yeah, and make sure it's past! I really want to be able to put my poot down."

The salesman duly sold him a good fast Ford Falcon. He was so pleased that he went to his sister, and said "Hey Piona! Check out my new Pord. It's really past! Wanna come for a drive?"

"You getcha!" she replied.

So Johnno and his sister Fiona went out for a really long drive in the Victorian countryside. After a couple of hours they saw a digger in his slouch hat, hitchhiking by the side of the road, so they pulled over.

As he got in, the soldier asked "Ya going to Pucka?"

Johnno replied "Don't be stupid, she's me bloody sister!"

Me likey! Rather funny.

ETA: The whole sheep thing reminds of German jokes about the sexual predilections attributed to both Scotsmen and Australians.
"It didn't say no..."

 

[Akhenaten]

An American tourist arrives at Sydney airport and begins the exhaustive process of clearing customs

During the inspection of his bags and documents, the customs offiicer enquires

"Sir, do you have a criminal record"

Stunned the American replies. "No, I didn't realise you still needed one to enter the country"

I believe it's only South Australia that still has that requirement.

Me likey! Rather funny.

I near fissed meself.

ETA: The whole sheep thing reminds of German jokes about the sexual predilections attributed to both Scotsmen and Australians.
"It didn't say no..."

German jokes remind me of Basil Fawlty. The circle completes itself.

 

[Audible Click]

A bloke and a shiela were out walking on a windy day when her skirt was lifted by a Southerly.

'airy aint it? sez he.

She replies "What'd you expect mate, feathers?"

 

[Hallo Alfie]

I believe it's only South Australia that still has that requirement.

And NSW politicians

German jokes remind me of Basil Fawlty. The circle completes itself.

Just dont mention the war

 

[Akhenaten]

A bloke and a shiela were out walking on a windy day when her skirt was lifted by a Southerly.

'airy aint it? sez he.

She replies "What'd you expect mate, feathers?"

Beautiful plumage, the Tasmanian Blue.

And NSW politicians

I reckon they all got in under the dingo fence from Queensland after Joh went to the great gerrymander in the sky and they suddenly realised that they could get put in the clink just like the rest of us.

This lassie is doing good though:

The Honourable Anna Bligh, Premier of Queensland​

Just dont mention the war

OK, I won't. Basil, however . . .

​

 

[HawaiiBigSis]

This lassie is doing good though:

They actually issue uniforms for Premiers to wear?

 

[HawaiiBigSis]

Do you reckon Hokulele would pass as a school kid if you dressed her up right?

That would save some $$, although I suppose it might cause some disturbance on the flight.

Maybe you could come by ship, and you can throw a rope over the stern so the lass can surf along behind. You'd have to remember to throw her some food and drinkies from time to time though.

I like the surf-along idea! That could work...

 

[Hallo Alfie]

I never get sick of Bazza

 

[Hallo Alfie]

They actually issue uniforms for Premiers to wear?

And why is she in front of the English flag?

 

[HawaiiBigSis]

And why is she in front of the English flag?

I don't think she is. I think it's just the upper left corner of a very big Australian flag. (I think; it looks like it's a field of blue below the English part. Or I could be wrong.)