Ah damn, the timing is terrible!
Louie the Supercorgi regrets to tell you that he has a prior engagement...
Alas! But I look forward to meeting you and Louie another time.
This means we are missing one of our star attractions, so we will instead be offering a door prize to one lucky participant. (No, not a door for a prize.)
Since Kitty already auctioned off Kitten (along with a moon rock) last month to raise money for the TAM scholarship, we can't give Kitten away as the prize. The obvious alternative is to offer Rebecca as a prize, but that idea had to be crossed off as well, since it's not definite that Rebecca is coming. (She has an important
church service "football game" on Sunday, and it would be tacky to give away a prize if the prize isn't actually present.)
But I have something almost as good to offer: a slightly battered paperback copy of Denise Osborne's 2001 mystery novel
A Deadly Arrangement.
As mystery novels go, the characters aren't very interesting, the plot isn't very memorable, and the puzzle isn't very good. (The solution to the mystery is somewhat arbitrary:
Okay, the author appears to have said to herself,
I've written 200 pages and need to wrap this up soon, so I guess it's time to pick a character as the murderer, cobble up a motive, and have the heroine discover a secret room with a bunch of evidence that identifies the murderer.)
What makes this book of interest to skeptics is that it is not simply a mystery, it is a
feng shui mystery. The heroine (like the author of the book) is a feng shui practitioner, and throughout the book she goes into numerous digressions on feng shui principles. At one point, for example, she has been invited to speak to the Women of Mystery book club (since her ex-husband was a famous mystery novelist and she had been his researcher when they were still married). But she manages to steer the talk into an explanation of feng shui, which the book club members enjoy much more.
If you have doubts about how well feng shui works, this book will clear things up for you. It includes numerous examples where Salome advises people on things they can do to improve various aspect of their lives -- and almost invariably, within a few weeks there is a major improvement for them. One person follows her advice, and shortly thereafter is offered a 6-figure contract. Another follows her advice, and shortly afterwards the relatives who have been ignoring her for years get back in touch. Absolutely amazing -- but as well-reasoned, as authoritative, and as irrefutable as a Michael Crichton thriller.
Here's an excerpt from page 5, in which the the heroine, Salome Waterhouse, is on her way to do a feng shui consultation when she encounters someone she has helped.
Just last month Salome had feng shuied the four-bedroom "hideaway" that Janelle and her oil baron husband used...
"You off to a consultation?"
Being a client entitled Janelle to a bit more than a curt good-bye. But before Salome could reply, Janelle exclaimed, "You won't believe this -- but of course you will -- Tommy puts the toilet seat and lid down after he pees! Twenty years I've been tryin' to get him to do that, and you made it happen. Hope you're ready to travel, honey, 'cause I've told all my friends in Texas about you. Don't worry, though, I haven't breathed a word about the toilet secret. Let them pay for it."
Salome had to smile. What Janelle called the "toilet secret" had probably done more to increase her client base than any of the many house enhancements in her repertoire. Her female clients invariably passed the word that Salome Waterhouse had the answer to the age-old problem of how to get men to put down the toilet seat and lid.
Tentatively, the plan is to draw up a list of all the possible attenders, and to award the book to whoever
doesn't show up for the party. (If more than one person doesn't show up, the book can be torn into as many pieces as necessary...) So if you don't want to get stuck with some or all of this book, be sure to show up.
