Advice on civil debate

[Hokulele]

Yeah, I was intrigued by the comment of hers because I was actually pressured to divorce my hubbie when I was going to attend seminary because he was not a "good Christian". Honestly, that was the straw for me. My family is more important to me than anything. Since I was unwilling to sacrifice my family, it was suggested to me that perhaps I was not ready for ministry. That was just fine by me. I now work at a local YMCA - happy as a clam with my atheist husband. But I suppose we all have different priorities.

Welcome Hamsterfan!

Do you think that church may have pressured her to break up with her boyfriend?

 

[westprog]

Over adherence to any ideology will strike sparks that can lead to infernos. Christian, atheism, meme-theory, [your ideology here], can all lead folk to grab their flame-throwers and start blasting away.

Tastes in music or food will do it. It finally comes down to whether or not you think the other person is a fool to think as he does. If that's the case, then the relationship is in trouble. In this case, we don't really know how the respect and disrespect were distributed.

True enough, unless she keeps bringing it up as her sole source motivation. Then, perhaps, she's actually looking for a discussion. Or maybe it's just that dichotomy of "men like to fix things" and "women want to be listened to".

IME sympathetic nods are the safest. "I never liked him" and "You got rid of him for that?" are equally perilous.

 

[Empress]

Hi, Ixion's wife here - yep he got me on here.

Welcome to the JREF, Hamster! I hope you like it here. It's nice to see a husband and wife both posting.

 

[Ixion]

I don't mean to be harsh and criticize either of you, Ixion or Hamsterfan, but I think it would have been better to have said something. Not to start a debate with her, because what's the point? But just so that bigotry doesn't go unconfronted. Maybe this doesn't seem like bigotry. After all, I hope we can all agree that any reason to break up with someone is an okay reason, I guess.

I understand what you are saying. I am not sure if it was bigotry or not. She didn't expound enough for us to know if she was intolerant of atheist or it was just an icebreaker. I do think that compatibility is key to relationships, and even minor things can make or break them. We haven't seen her since I posted this, but I might see her tonight when I go to the gym.

My guess would be that she was just trying to befriend your wife. People often find something to bitch about as an ice breaker. I would assume that they actually broke up because she was sexually repressed

Kinda got that feeling too...

I would hope my fiancee would have spoken up for me if that was us in the gym. I might have had a word with her afterwards if she hadn't, "You know, when I can hear people telling you that people like me are scum, and I see you smiling and nodding, it isn't the warmest feeling I've ever had in our relationship."

I feel like I can handle myself and don't have to rely on her to defend me. I am sure that if I had spoken up that she would come to my side. As I said before, my wife is non-confrontational, and I didn't expect her to say anything. We have been together as a couple for 12 years, and married for 8 years, so things like that don't rock the boat as much. Everyone has a different idea of what a relationship is, so that is why everyone handles their relationship differently.

 

[RobRoy]

Tastes in music or food will do it. It finally comes down to whether or not you think the other person is a fool to think as he does. If that's the case, then the relationship is in trouble. In this case, we don't really know how the respect and disrespect were distributed.

Sorry westprog, but my above comment was meant as a generalization. It was not specific to the individual in the OP. I've already stated that we don't know the whole story, and that I have strong suspicions there's more here than what we've been told.

Either way, we're really not in disagreement.

 

[westprog]

Either way, we're really not in disagreement.

So we're still on for tonight?

 

[bokonon]

I don't think I'd call it bigotry, based on the account that's been posted. It could be compatibility, and it could be a smokescreen. If she was scoffing "He's a (political candidate) supporter!" or "He likes (music/movie genre)!" it would have sounded about the same.

I don't think on my feet so quickly, but if I'm ever in a similar situation, I may explore the speaker's feelings a bit.

"He's an ATHEIST!"

"So, I guess that means he doesn't like the missionary position..."

 

[Hamsterfan]

Welcome Hamsterfan!

Do you think that church may have pressured her to break up with her boyfriend?

I am not entirely sure, Hokulele... but I suspect it might have happened that way. Organized religion is shooting itself in the foot in so many ways these days, and its attempt to convert others while excluding those same others is just one of them.

 

[Darwin'sMommy]

Hah! Missionary position!

Hi all, I'm the atheist instructor referred to in the initial post

On the topic I think it's very true that there's two things that each person within a couple needs to agree on: religion and politics. If you are really passionate about your views and cannot accept anything else, the relationship will struggle. If anything I think the female in question should have broken it off sooner.

But I do have to say (in light of a previous post) that I am really tempted to wear a Darwin fish t-shirt next time I teach...but I won't. I have other offensive shirts that I could wear, such as my "I had a nightmare I was a brunette" shirt. Yeah, that'll work nicely, she's a brunette...

 

[Hokulele]

Hah! Missionary position!

Hi all, I'm the atheist instructor referred to in the initial post

Welcome Darnwin'sMommy (I love that name)!

On the topic I think it's very true that there's two things that each person within a couple needs to agree on: religion and politics.

Or at least agree to disagree.

 

[RobRoy]

So we're still on for tonight?

Of course!

 

[quarky]

Hi.

I'm the electricion that overheard the whole debacle.

The church lady simply didn't have the 'hots' for the guy.

(I could see it in their body-language.)

 

[Ixion]

Hi.

I'm the electricion that overheard the whole debacle.

The church lady simply didn't have the 'hots' for the guy.

(I could see it in their body-language.)

OK, I am thoroughly confused. Could you please provide some detail to your comment?

 

[Loss Leader]

She expressed her personal opinion about how she conducts her own life. Don't engage her about it at all.

 

[RobRoy]

OK, I am thoroughly confused. Could you please provide some detail to your comment?

It's a joke. Not a good one.

I'm guessing Darwin'sMommy isn't real either. Real in the sense of the characters you've mentioned in your intial post.

 

[bokonon]

My own skept-o-meter says the instructor is real, and the electrician is making a joke about the cast of characters piling into the thread from points unknown.

 

[Ixion]

The instructor is real and she is my real-life friend (I was there when she registered her forum account. See the thread on bodybuilding supplements to confirm her being an instructor. http://www.internationalskeptics.com/forums/showthread.php?t=116806) I encouraged her and my wife (Hamsterfan) to join the forum. I guess I should explain Darwin'sMommy forum name. She has a Ph.D. in molecular biology and she has a pug she named Darwin after Charles Darwin.

I get the electrician thing now. I was confused because I thought he might be referring to some other portion of the story for which I was not involved. I see now that it is a joke. I can assure you that the other two who have chimed in on this thread were present.

 

[RobRoy]

The instructor is real and she is my real-life friend (I was there when she registered her forum account. See the thread on bodybuilding supplements to confirm her being an instructor. http://www.internationalskeptics.com/forums/showthread.php?t=116806) I encouraged her and my wife (Hamsterfan) to join the forum. I guess I should explain Darwin'sMommy forum name. She has a Ph.D. in molecular biology and she has a pug she named Darwin after Charles Darwin.

As I said, I was guessing. I don't dispute your claim. You would know. I figured I had a 50/50 chance.

In that light, though, I find her response . . . unfortunate.

 

[Ixion]

Well, 50/50 is pretty good odds. Heh. Better than the number of claims Sylvia Browne gets right.

Anyways, like I said, she was present, but I don't think she overheard the initial conversation. If you are referring to her "wearing offensive T-shirts" commentary, I will let her speak for herself on that one (although I think the "I had a nightmare that I was brunette" T-shirt is funny, since I am also a natural blonde).

 

[quarky]

sorry.
Yes, it was a (bad) joke.
I thought it was very odd the way all the charcters in this story were showing up and starting accounts. Ill sit in the corner now.