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Adverbs not allowed???

I suggest that Jane vomits first, then staggers through the vomit, slips in it, loses a shoe, and vomits on herself.

That way in the next scene she looks like she's endured an ordeal.
 
quarky said:
Would a zombie eat vomit?
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Only while it's still inside the victim's stomach. But since the contents of the stomach cannot technically be called "vomit" until the aforesaid substance reaches the mouth, the answer must be no... unless the victim has vomited on him/herself at the time the zombie begins to eat him/her, in which case an incidental quantity of vomit could possible be ingested by the aforesaid undead.

This may be a sign that this thread is over. You decide.
 
Alan said:
I was eating. :boxedin:

Enthusiastically.
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I note that you conjugated your helping verb in the past tense. Do you mean that you somehow made it past all the other references to vomit in this thread, happily munching on whatever you were munching on, but the instant you reached my post about vomit you had to stop eating?

Because I find that hard to swallow.

;)
 
Beanbag said:
BTW, excellent piece of writing there. I mean it. It was an enjoyable, intriguing read, and certainly held my interest. It would make a good passage in a novel. That style of writing would never make it in a screenplay, however. If that's an example of how you write, you should pursue it further. You've got a good turn on words. Beanbag
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.
Well, then ... how about this?

\\\\\\\

“ELEANOR RIGBY”
ACT ONE​

SETTING:​

Liverpool, UK. Should be early 1960s, may adjust for budget.

SCENE ONE:​

Night. Rain/fog. Any intersection with traffic lights and crossing signals, and showing working-class neighborhood. Main street is “Stanley Street”. Others as needed.

CHARACTERS:​

“Jane” – (SPEAKING ROLE IN FLASHBACKS ONLY). Janitorial worker or charwoman (Steve - Are they still called this? Is Midler available?).
For this scene, she's a late middle-aged female, stooped, no makeup, dressed in miss-matched work clothes and frock coat (all patched/frayed/stained). Unsteady walk, as if exhausted and/or drunk. Baggy, bloodshot eyes. Blank expression.

“McKenzie” – (SPEAKING ROLE) Late middle-aged male, podgy, balding, soft-spoken, friendly. Dressed in RCC suit and collar. (Steve – Is Dreyfus available?)

“Robert” – (SPEAKING ROLE) Early middle-aged male. Police detective. Dark suit, tie, overcoat. (Steve – Get Leo what’s-his-name … Dicapriccio? Decappucino? You know who I mean.)

“Driver” – Non-speaking extra. Seen only in silhouette. May be cabbie. (Steve – Call central casting, any.)

OPENING​

[NOISES OFF -- TRAFFIC]​

[EST. SHOT -- "STANLEY STREET" SIGN NEAR INTERSECTION -- FOG/RAIN]

Jane enters SL off balance and moves to intersection CTR. May be drunk or exhausted (Both? Explore).

[SLOW ZOOM TO JANE’S FACE 3/4P]

Jane stares at crossing light until 1-2 sec. after it changes. Crosses intersection.

[CAMERA PANS OUT TO INCLUDE DRIVER & JANE]

Driver honks horn. Jane gesture in driver’s direction as if shooing away a pest. Steps carefully up on opposite curb and continues on her way.

[CAMERA ROTATES TO JANE]

Jane walks away from the camera. Pace should be slow, steps should be uneven. She disappears into the darkness/off camera.

[CAMERA FADES TO BLACK]

[NOISES OFF – CHURCH BELL]

[CAMERA UP FROM BLACK]

McKenzie and Robert are seated in McKenzie’s office. Every horizontal surface is cluttered with books, papers, and assorted bric-a-brac. Plain old telephone set sits on the desk.

MCKENZIE: It was quite a shock to us all. Jane was a regular at all of our services, even cleaning up after weddings and such. She mostly kept to herself, though...

ROBERT: How well did you know her?

MCKENZIE: Well, as I said, she didn’t socialize much. Sat alone in the back. Always had something for the plate.

ROBERT: Did she have any friends? Any known relatives?

MCKENZIE: None that I recall ... except ...

ROBERT: Yes?

MCKENZIE: Well, I suppose it wouldn’t violate the confessional to say that she once mentioned a daughter...

ROBERT: A daughter? That would imply a husband.

MCKENZIE: Oh ... not our Jane, I’m afraid ... y’see ...

ROBERT (Interrupting): I understand. What was the daughter’s ... ?

MCKENZIE (Interrupting): I’m not so sure you do, detective. This side of London sees a lot of cast-offs, not the least of which are those poor girls that ...

[SOUND – TELEPHONE RINGS]

McKenzie picks up the receiver.

MCKENZIE: Northwich Memorial Hall, Father McKenzie speaking. How may I help you?

[SOUND – VOICE OF FEMALE CALLER, MUFFLED]

MCKENZIE: Certainly, missus ... Rigby ... Eleanor Jane ...

[SOUND – VOICE OF CALLER]

MCKENZIE: A simple affair ... open casket, I think …

[SOUND – VOICE OF CALLER]

MCKENZIE: Saturday ... this coming …

[SOUND – VOICE OF CALLER]

MCKENZIE (Sighing): No ... I’m afraid this one’s on the parrish ...

[SOUND – VOICE OF CALLER]

MCKENZIE: Yes, missus ... thank you for calling ... cheers!

McKenzie hangs up.

ROBERT: Did you get the name?

MCKENZIE: Eh? What?

ROBERT: The name ... the name of the caller!

MCKENZIE: Oh, no ... said she was confirming the obit for the Times … no need.

ROBERT (Mildly exasperated): Can you tell me who found the body?

McKenzie pauses and stares at Robert.

MCKENZIE: I found JANE on the chancel steps. At first I thought she had fallen asleep while praying. I tried to wake her and ... well ... that’s when I knew she was dead.

ROBERT: How did you know that?

MCKENZIE: She toppled over. Stiff.

ROBERT: Anything else? Any signs of violence?

MCKENZIE: Her hands were still clasped ... oh! Just a moment!

McKenzie gets up, crosses over to a table, and picks up a small paper bag.

ROBERT: What? What are you doing?

MCKENZIE: Ah! Here ‘tis! Found it next to her.

McKenzie holds up an RCC rosary with a medallion attached.

ROBERT: Here, lemme see that.

Robert takes and examines the rosary, paying close attention to the medallion.

ROBERT: What’s this?

MCKENZIE: What?

ROBERT: A man’s face on one side, and someone’s gone and scratched the name “Rebecca” on the other.

McKenzie points to the image of the man.

MCKENZIE: That’s Saint Jerome, Patron Saint of librarians and abandoned children.

ROBERT: Was Jane a librarian?

MCKENZIE: Hardly. She took odd work here and there cleaning houses and doing laundry.

ROBERT: Then this “Rebecca” ... ?

MCKENZIE: Could be her daughter ... abandoned, maybe? No, wait ... the Sisters of Mercy up in Whitehall run an orphanage. Perhaps?

ROBERT: Could be. May I hang on to this?

Robert picks up his coat.

MCKENZIE: Well ... where can I reach you if someone does come to claim her?

Robert puts on his coat, then pockets the rosary in his coat and retrieves a business card from the same pocket.

ROBERT: Here’s my card. I’m usually out on assignment between ten and three. Give me a call if you think of anything else. If someone answers, leave a message.

MCKENZIE: Thank you. I will.

ROBERT: Cheers, Father.

MCKENZIE: Cheers! Go with God’s grace.

ROBERT (Softly): Sure, Father. Sure ...

[CAMERA FADES TO BLACK]

END OF SCENE ONE​
 
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Beanbag said:
No. :D

Understand that a screenplay is at best a poor translation of material intended for another medium. A screenplay is used to represent on paper an experience intended to be seen and heard. Reading a screenplay is roughly analogous to somebody handing you a stack of sheet music and then asking if you thought it sounded good. A screenplay is a basic framework on which the actors and directors construct their performances upon.
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This is similar to what I was thinking. Musical scores are *filled* with notation in French, German, Italian (mainly those three languages but many others) and shorthand to tell musicians how to play the music as the composer intended. I see nothing wrong with this, nor do I see much wrong in a screenwriter "directing from the page" to help get across what he or she intends.

Yet that still doesn't even slow down musicians and directors who apply their own style and vision (as it were) and interpretation of the music.

This is all, of course, IMHO, being neither professional musician nor professional screenwriter.
 
The Norseman said:
This is similar to what I was thinking. Musical scores are *filled* with notation in French, German, Italian (mainly those three languages but many others) and shorthand to tell musicians how to play the music as the composer intended. I see nothing wrong with this, nor do I see much wrong in a screenwriter "directing from the page" to help get across what he or she intends.

Yet that still doesn't even slow down musicians and directors who apply their own style and vision (as it were) and interpretation of the music.

This is all, of course, IMHO, being neither professional musician nor professional screenwriter.
Click to expand...

=====

JOE SCREENWRITER: Musical scores do direction from the page all the time. Why can't scripts?

JOE DIRECTOR: Because scripts aren't musical scores.

=====


ETA: Sorry 'bout that. Let me see if I can improve things a bit.

=====

JOE SCREENWRITER (angrily, but not querelously): Musical scores do direction from the page all the time. Why can't scripts?

JOE DIRECTOR (exasperatedly, but not condescendingly): Because scripts aren't musical scores.

=====
 
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So what is the proper form for the use of a "-ly" adverb in a sentence?

Is its position before the verb it modifies expressly forbidden?

Or is it wrong for the verb to be placed previously to its modifying adverb?
 
Try making it directive, i.e. aimed at the action, rather than explanatory, i.e aimed at the reason:

Jack rolls out of bed and dresses furiously. --> Jack realises he is late/he is angry/he has a nervous disorder. He rolls out of bed and starts dressing rapidly. (Yes it has an adverb, but it describes his actions, not reasons.)

Jane staggered drunkenly down the road. --> Jane is drunk and staggering.

If all else fails, write it in Latin. No-one who writes plays these days understands it, so you can provide your own "free text translation" in the footnotes.

Jane est non constans pedes in vicus madidus

John venit ex cubile quod indutus velociter
 
Some of the screenplays on the list were transcripts, which don't count.

But this seems to be by Peter Shaffer himself.



Amadeus (1984) movie script
by Peter Shaffer.
Based on the play by Peter Shaffer.

More info about this movie on IMDb.com
1 INT. STAIRCASE OUTSIDE OLD SALIERI'S SALON - NIGHT - 1823 1

Total darkness. We hear an old man's voice, distinct and in distress. It is OLD
SALIERI. He uses a mixture of English and occasionally Italian.

OLD SALIERI
Mozart! Mozart! Mozart. Forgive me! Forgive your assassin!
Mozart!

A faint light illuminates the screen. Flickeringly, we see an eighteenth century
balustrade and a flight of stone stairs. We are looking down into the wall of the
staircase from the point of view of the landing. Up the stair is coming a branched
candlestick held by Salieri's VALET. By his side is Salieri's COOK, bearing a
large dish of sugared cakes and biscuits. Both men are desperately worried: the
Valet is thin and middle-aged; the Cook, plump and Italian. It is very cold. They
wear shawls over their night-dresses and clogs on their feet. They wheeze as they
climb. The candles throw their shadows up onto the peeling walls of the house,
which is evidently an old one and in bad decay. A cat scuttles swiftly between
their bare legs, as they reach the salon door.
 
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There aren't too many adverbs in this draft of the Magnolia screenplay.

But there are a few.



CAMERA moves in on a young woman CLAUDIA (20s) sitting alone, bit drunk.
A vaguely creepy looking MIDDLE AGED GUY (40s) takes a seat next to her:

MIDDLE AGED GUY
Hey.

CLAUDIA
Hi.
 
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