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A$$ Reading

Johnny Pneumatic

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J
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Oct 15, 2003
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Ulf the Butt Reader

BERLIN, Germany - If you want to know your future, don't consult a palm reader, fortune teller, Miss Cleo, or tarot cards. Go straight to blind soothsayer Ulf Buck, 39, who claims to predict a person's future by reading the lines on their buttocks. According to Buck, the lines on one's backside are much more reliable than a palm. He explained, "The bottom is much more intense - it has a much stronger sense of expression than the hand in my experience." By rubbing his fingers along a number of lines on a client's butt, Buck is able to predict their future monetary success, family life, health, happiness and more. He is quick to dismiss any claims that the butt-touching is for any personal gain. "I do not need to feel bottoms for my own pleasure. My wife is quite beautiful enough for me."
 
Seems leaving photocopies of yourself on your secret admirers desk is a good way to break the ice...

And who doesnt think @ss reading isnt a science, dogs have been doing it for years...

Ulf the Butt Reader is serviceman to humanity!!!
 
Wasn't Joan Collins' sister doing something like this?

Some (wannabe)celebrity....hmmm....
 
"I do not need to feel bottoms for my own pleasure. My wife is quite beautiful enough for me."
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How does he know what his wife looks like? He's effing blind. I don't buy it.
 
Blondin said:


I was thinking the same thing only it was Sylvester Stallone's mother I think(?)
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She was one of them. I saw her on Howard Stern's E show, they messed with her by bringing in a guy who could fart on command to fart in her face.
 
Joshua Korosi said:


How does he know what his wife looks like? He's effing blind. I don't buy it.
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Me neither. "Let me read your ass", indeed.

Reminds me of something I saw years ago. I was at a local university (you've never heard of it, but the name rhymes with "Barvard") and saw a sign that said

CELEBRATION OF FEMININITY
Come celebrate your Isis nature Friday night
Get a plaster casting of your breasts
Admission: Free!

My first thought was that this was a great way for women to assert themselves. It took me about 30 seconds to work out that this was an idea cooked up by a couple of drunken frat boys as a good way to see some boobies.
 
Some people recieve their gifts in different ways. There is no reason to make fun of this guy because his gifts are a little different.
 
Witty Smitty said:
Some people recieve their gifts in different ways. There is no reason to make fun of this guy because his gifts are a little different.
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He reads asses. I cannot honestly think of a better reason to make fun of him.
 
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