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How do I join the Illuminati

Isaac Zac

Student
Joined
May 16, 2019
Messages
38
Location
nowhere
Hi :)

I want to know how I can join the Illuminati. I've already searched online and there were some forms where you could fill in your data and send it to I don't know whom. But I'm afraid of the security as I am a computer scientist.

So I wanted to ask if there is one website where I could apply and how I should try to apply.

Please help me.

Yours sincerly,
Isaac Zac
 
Don't pay any attention to those bogus "How to join the Illuminati" commercials and websites. You need to demonstrate your commitment to furthering the cause by your online and real-world actions. At such time as we judge your work to be worthy of membership, we will contact you.
 
First rule of the The Illuminati is, we do not talk about The Illuminati!!!

Second rule is, if you really want to join The Illuminati, go to your web browser, type illuminati backwards, add ".com", and you will be directed through our international servers via Tel Aviv to our membership application page. Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favor.
 
Write "I want to be an Illuminatus" in black ink on whIte paper, sign it, and at noon on either a solstice or an equinox take the application outside, hold it face up for a full hour, then burn it. The All-Seeing Eye will read it, and Bob's your uncle.
 
They are called Illuminati?

I got recruited by a group calling itself the Eliminati, and they keep on asking me to kill people, so naturally I assumed I was in the right cult.
 
I wrote a treatise on the 17 different classes of swarf and how to identify them in the field, and was invited to join the Aluminati. Unfortunately there's been a major disagreement among upper management in the welding subsection and the leadership is in flux. But those of us in the machining and coating divisions are hoping for a quick turnaround and a smooth finish.
 
I wrote a treatise on the 17 different classes of swarf and how to identify them in the field, and was invited to join the Aluminati. Unfortunately there's been a major disagreement among upper management in the welding subsection and the leadership is in flux. But those of us in the machining and coating divisions are hoping for a quick turnaround and a smooth finish.

I hereby invite you to join the British equivilant, The Aluminiati.
 
You don't join the Illuminati. You get invited. You can join our initiates program and if you prove yourself worthy, you may get invited to join our esteemed ranks.

The first step is to send me the $499 application fee.
 
How do you join the Illuminati?

You start by going to their application website, which is their name backwards.

Here's a link.

itanimulli.com

:)
 
You don't join the Illuminati. You get invited. You can join our initiates program and if you prove yourself worthy, you may get invited to join our esteemed ranks.

The first step is to send me the $499 application fee.

OP, please don't listen to this grifter. While it is true that you have to be invited, the application fee is only $495*. Once you have received an invitation to apply, then please DM me, and only me, for payment details.



*please note that this a non-refundable administrative fee for consderation of your application, and acceptance is not guaranteed. Any personal details submitted will be mine for eternity, as will your immortal soul (if you believe that you have such a thing, otherwise all your worldly goods will stand in lieu). Also, this is all utter ********. There is no Illuminati, at least not in the way you imagine - there is no secret group secretly running the world. Everything is just as chaotic and messy as it appears. The sooner you accept this, the better. Life doesn't come with cheat codes. Sorry.


ETA: OP, when an offer appears to good to be true, always read the small print.
 
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Maybe you're already Illuminati. We're not falling for that.

But if you're not, here's how it works:

You will find a wedge of soft cheese in your refrigerator. Hidden within the cheese is a ring, and car key. Engraved on the ring is a coded phrase, and a phone number. Dial the number, and say the code phrase six times. The voice on the other end will give you a license plate number of a car parked near your home, but the model. Once you locate the car, use the key you found in the cheese to unlock the trunk. You will find suitcases full of clothes tailored to fit you, and a key-fob for the car. Get in the driver's seat, and open the glove compartment. Inside you will find $100,000 in US currency and 100,000 in Euros. You will also find a pair of passports, one with your real name, and one with your new identity. There is an envelope with airline tickets. Drive your car to the airport where you will be directed to park in a secure location. A plane will be waiting for you, get on it. When you arrive in XXXXXXXXXX don't worry about customs. A car and driver are waiting to take you to our chateau in the countryside.

There will be a brief ceremony, then a barbeque. You'll spend the rest of the evening with us watching Laurel & Hardy movies. From there, you're in.

Don't tell anybody you read this.:thumbsup:
 
Hi :)

I want to know how I can join the Illuminati. I've already searched online and there were some forms where you could fill in your data and send it to I don't know whom. But I'm afraid of the security as I am a computer scientist.

So I wanted to ask if there is one website where I could apply and how I should try to apply.

Please help me.

Yours sincerly,
Isaac Zac


Why do you want to join?

And why does the "fact" that you're a "computer scientist" make you scared of filling the forms and joining?


(Not going to laugh at you. Because one time, long ago, I'd been very taken with the Freemasons, read up about them, even corresponded with them, got some addresses. Thankfully never actually attended their lodges, because had I done that back then I'd have done it all earnestly and not just for the laughs. ...So yeah, not going to laugh at you, people think weird things sometimes.)


Lastly, why us here of all places? To ask this? Is this like a joke or something? (And it's fine if it is, why shouldn't you go for some hahas.)
 
Look for a locked box in a disused lavatory at the bottom of the stairs with this sign:

[IMGw=400]https://i.etsystatic.com/23677129/r/il/cf14a7/4127961204/il_fullxfull.4127961204_5tik.jpg[/IMGw]
 
I saw a terribly frightening youtube ad last night. ( And as we've been informed in another thread, youtube is the fount of all human knowledge). A wheezing tenor voice with a familiar timbre told us that Shadow President Soros is about to ban illuminati as part of his evil scheme to scheme evilly, and there were heartrending pictures of empty store shelves where they used to abound. The coming revolution will be won by those who heed the message before it's too late. Of course they wanted me to pay something, but I'm smarter than that and I do my own research, so I'm off to the *********** sorry, but I signed an NDA...to get mine, before I end up like those other poor saps cursing the darkness as they stumble through the tangled roots of the world, gasping for aid as the flame of their last cheetos gutters in the gloom.
 
I'm a bit sad about the advice being offered.

The first step is to have an income in excess of one billion (Euro) per annum.

Then you will be approached.

If you want to work for the Illumati, it's much simpler. Exceed at your chosen profession and be receptive to job opportunities presented by head hunters.
 
You have to jiggle the cord on mine to get it Illluminating sometimes.

Sounds like you have the old plug-in kind. The rechargeable ones are much more reliable these days, and you can set the Illluminating levels quite precisely.

And in response to the op - you can join several of them together using their charging cords for additional Illluminating.
 
You should try to join the Illumi-naughty. They're much more fun and will expose you to all kinds of new... "Experiences".
 
Didn't we do this already with OP using their previous forum handle, HeadOverH33ls?

Dunno about that previous handle, but we did something similar already with OP using this account with an old name, Isaak Bekejew:

https://www.internationalskeptics.com/forums/showthread.php?p=13223097

(Note that the member changed the name on that account, so the old "Isaak" name only appears in quotes of the member's posts.)

In that thread, Isaac/Isaak did a good job of portraying to me someone with a reason-limiting cognitive idiosyncrasy. So I don't really find this thread as entertaining as everyone else does.
 
Hi :)

I want to know how I can join the Illuminati. I've already searched online and there were some forms where you could fill in your data and send it to I don't know whom. But I'm afraid of the security as I am a computer scientist.

So I wanted to ask if there is one website where I could apply and how I should try to apply.

Please help me.

Yours sincerly,
Isaac Zac


You don't "join" the Illuminati. There's no nomination or application process. That would be like asking someone else's permission, and what kind of Illuminati would have to ask permission?

If you want to be Illuminati, decide you are Illuminati. That's it.

In other words, it's far more difficult than you might have been imagining. You can't buy, bargain, or bluff your way in. You can't fool yourself or lie to yourself or wonder or guess or doubt. Most of all, you can't pretend. Pretending to be Illuminati would only mean you're not actually Illuminati. You have to know that you are without a doubt Illuminati. Whether you are the only Illluminati, or whether everyone is Illuminati but few realize it or admit it, or whether the truth is something in between, you have to be as certain of your own standing as Illuminati as you are of your own will to move your own hands.

In short: you must master your own mind. If you can't do that, you can't hope to control anyone else's. If you can't do that, you can't be Illuminati.

If and when you become Illuminati, will not be contacted with instructions. What kind of Illuminati would need instructions from someone else? You will not be aided or supported by the organization. What kind of Illuminati would need aid or support from someone else? You will not have the meaning or secrets or goals of the Illuminati revealed to you. What kind of Illuminati would need to be told such things by someone else?

Understanding this is the first step, but if you think real understanding can come from my words, you are not yet Illuminati.

I'm rooting for you. May you find the light!

Respectfully,
Myriad
 
You don't "join" the Illuminati. There's no nomination or application process. That would be like asking someone else's permission, and what kind of Illuminati would have to ask permission?

If you want to be Illuminati, decide you are Illuminati. That's it.

In other words, it's far more difficult than you might have been imagining. You can't buy, bargain, or bluff your way in. You can't fool yourself or lie to yourself or wonder or guess or doubt. Most of all, you can't pretend. Pretending to be Illuminati would only mean you're not actually Illuminati. You have to know that you are without a doubt Illuminati. Whether you are the only Illluminati, or whether everyone is Illuminati but few realize it or admit it, or whether the truth is something in between, you have to be as certain of your own standing as Illuminati as you are of your own will to move your own hands.

In short: you must master your own mind. If you can't do that, you can't hope to control anyone else's. If you can't do that, you can't be Illuminati.

If and when you become Illuminati, will not be contacted with instructions. What kind of Illuminati would need instructions from someone else? You will not be aided or supported by the organization. What kind of Illuminati would need aid or support from someone else? You will not have the meaning or secrets or goals of the Illuminati revealed to you. What kind of Illuminati would need to be told such things by someone else?

Understanding this is the first step, but if you think real understanding can come from my words, you are not yet Illuminati.

I'm rooting for you. May you find the light!

Respectfully,
Myriad

First we need a verified SAT score, please send encrypted. Then we'll talk about your CV. After that, if high enough, then the real Illuminati test.









ind of seems
 
A word of advice: don't join the Illuminati

I know they have a fearsome reputation for giving their members a really good dental plan, but that was before they switched providers.
 
Wow! One can turn into a cat? Imagine spending the day basking in the sun with your every need met. Tripping people up and sticking one's nose in. I halp!

I never tried but once I did turn into a one-way street.
 
Guys- have a look at the other thread Isaac started.
Isaac: this will not help you. You need someone medically qualified to help you.
I did not realize the context, as the original post in this thread looked as if it might be a joke from the start.

So yes, Isaac, you have landed in a place where, despite rules against personal attack, jokers abound, and ideas are mocked, and this is not likely the place you should be if you take personally ideas that others consider nonsense. Lukewarm apologies if my silliness was taken as anything but. There is no Aluminati, and we will never stop the steel.
 
Our intrepid OP, if I am understanding this correctly, has started three threads under three different handles, all asking +/- the same thing, and kind of seagulling off after a clarification ot two. Should these be combined?

Eta: under "threads started by this member" on their profile page, there are three threads of the same basic theme with three different OP handles.
 
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