Ethics of fooling a kid.

[alfaniner]

I know it's one thing if a kid comes to a magic show for the performance. But is it another if you use magical deception to influence a kid?

I have been tutoring an 8-year-old who has been a problem for his regular teachers. He is highly active and prone to temper tantrums. I've found it's most effective to have him in the Staff Room with as little external stimulation as possible.

Any time he would get near the door he would bolt out into the hallway and go hide. At one point, since I knew he liked Dragonball Z, I had an inspiration. I set up in a deep front stance pose and made my best "Force Push" pose with my hands. He tried to open the door and couldn't. The look on his face and "DANG!!!" reaction was something every magician dreams of.

I was holding the door with my foot but he did not notice that.

I thought it would be a one-off and he would catch on right away but he wanted me to do it again, several times. I did that because I expected him to catch on eventually. He did not. Then he walked over to the refrigerator and said "Do this!". I thought, OK, now it will be obvious I'm not doing anything special, and that would be the end of it.

The thing is, the fridge had not been opened in some time and it caused a minor vacuum seal. So when I posed and he tried to open it (without my touching it at all), it took some real effort on his part. It just reinforced his belief.

Now, this kid has been a real handful. I've had to chase him down several times a day. So I thought I'd just leave things as they are. He'd still try to get out, but at least for one day he did not throw any tantrums, which is some significant progress.

Now that I've got his trust I'd hate to disappoint him, and I'm not sure what will happen if he figures out I've been "lying" to him. I think he would take it in stride, but as volatile as he is, I just don't know if I should keep it up.

 

[tuco]

lol

The force is with you ..

 

[Denver]

Maybe tell him it's a trick, but he has to figure it out? Might motivate him to focus and do some problem solving.

 

[tuco]

I believe that your "lying" is not this boys problem. Its been used as therapy essentially, and that is what he may, or not, need in the first place. Placebo works. Mind over matter ..

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edit:

I used to work in children's hospital. I was taking kids to and from surgeries. Perhaps all of them asked me if its gonna hurt, during and after. I was not instructed to do so but I told them that it would not, they would sleep and everything would be alright etc My boss used to tell Gypsy kids that they (doctors) would cut their eye off (essentially truth) having good laugh how it scared them. Our anaesthesiologists told me the kids I bring in "fall asleep, sleep, and wake" hmm easier than those lets say brought in by my boss. There is evidence from CT supporting hypothesis which could be drawn from my experience.

 

[Gord_in_Toronto]

Maybe tell him it's a trick, but he has to figure it out? Might motivate him to focus and do some problem solving.

I second this. Don't make fun of him and, if necessary, help him think it through.

 

[alfaniner]

Maybe tell him it's a trick, but he has to figure it out? Might motivate him to focus and do some problem solving.

I like that. I know he's going to ask me to do it again.

We're still having some trust issues (not on my part - he has blatantly lied several times to my face) and our relationship is very much a work in progress. Still, he's smart and I always like presenting him with a challenge.

 

[Cain]

I've got a soft spot for kids. In the swamp. This one sounds like a crappy human being, and a poster-child for the noble falsehood.

 

[Garrette]

The only thing to do with a kid after fooling him is the same thing to do with an adult after fooling him: Back-of-Room sales.

 

[Garrette]

That said, a serious answer is in order. I am by no means an expert in this though I do have similar anecdotal experience and closely vicarious experience with someone who is an expert. Long term fooling is almost always a bad idea and either backfires or risks catastrophic backfiring. Short term is fine if followed with honesty. The suggestion to make it a friendly challenge to discover the secret is a good one.

 

[tuco]

He is 8-year old .. how long you think you can fool him? It was not mentioned he is mentally challenged just hyper.

 

[Psi Baba]

It sounds like what you are doing is for his own protection. Seems like a worthy trade-off. Let him believe that you have the upper hand.

 

[tuco]

Seriously, what kind of horrible lie from childhood do you remember that is causing you problems now?

Pathologic liar and criminal Jonny B who was in childhood exposed to the Dragonball Z lie.

Seems legit.

 

[Garrette]

The danger is not in emotional scarring from the lie itself but from the potential loss of trust with the adult who now has an officially sanctioned authority over him.

 

[Garrette]

To put it another way, the tutor's job is not merely to get through the tutoring sessions without incident but to prepare the child as best as possible for moving ahead. It would be like teaching the child to memorize answers instead of teaching him how to do math; it might make the tutoring sessions easy, but it isn't helping.

 

[Monza]

I agree with the idea of presenting it as a thinking challenge for him to solve. Once he does so, to soften the "lying" aspect, act as if you are taking him into your confidence. Now he becomes part of your team and will help you keep the secret from "others".

 

[Senex]

While I was doing a middle school internship a number of times I found myself watching a 7th grade male student whose mother decided to take him off ritalin. As the only male intern I found myself doing laps with him around the school on occasion. I was younger and am glad I don't have to do that today. This sounds like a difficult job.

As to the how or when or if to tell him it's a trick perhaps you can promise to teach him the trick if he is well behaved. I would be prepared to show him another trick that day you would make the same deal with. Maybe you could turn him into a magician.