I have a very hard time with forgiveness, either giving or receiving. If I've done something wrong, I'd rather make it right; similarly, I can't let go when I've been hurt by someone else. I expect to see a balancing of the scales before I'll close someone's "account."
Just about everyone I deal with gets one chance, and if they blow it I cut them loose. Very few get more than one chance to do the right thing, and it's usually against those few that I hold intractable grudges. The passage of time doesn't seem to heal the old grudges; it turns down the volume a bit, but a grudge can spring back to life when I least expect it. Fortunately this doesn't happen as often nowadays, but if I choose to be angry and indulge the memories, it does feel rather like a jolt of adrenaline.
I forgive those who offend against me. Then I cut them out of my life ruthlessly and never think of them again. Harsh but it works and I do sleep easy with it. Mind you, it has to be a big offence, like stealing from me, not a little one like just being rude or short tempered.
Those who injure my friends and family I never forgive. I am far more harsh on people if they hurt those I love, particularly those who are vulnerable. I consider no punishment too harsh for them and actively look forward to their untimely death. Whilst I wouldn't hasten that untimely death I would not go out of my way to stretch a hand out to save them and I often spend time thinking up inventive ways for revenge.
I can live with myself.
I have been thinking on this aspect. The hard to accept aspects of forgiveness which on the surface appear to be quite righteous and in line with good things...generally speaking...according to my perceptions etc.
What makes it so appealing is that I can empathize with the position and thus see no apparent wrong with it.
But Am i coming from more of an emotional direction in regard to it, than a logical one?
So thinking on this at work, I got to formulating some questions about it which I am interested in the answers from those who take such position on what appears somewhat moral grounds.
I want to dig deeper, because part of the reason I accept the concept of forgiveness is because it frees me up from the
drama of the irreconcilable which is created from such position.
I forgive those who offend against me. Then I cut them out of my life ruthlessly and never think of them again.
I tend to adopt a similar position except that I do think about them from time to time, especially when the sniff of similar situations alerts me and I see something of them in those who present themselves new to me.
In this way 'not forgetting' comes in handy.
Also - those who offend me but are family (as in dna linkages) are left to their own devices. In my case it is because some individuals within the family are playing a game of choose sides and that reverts to the drama of the irreconcilable. The game is not to reconcile but to gather strength in numbers. No thing calling itself 'family' will actually ever show signs of being 'family' where there are such 'sides'.
So I do not forget to love those ones (dna) just remember not to get involved with the games. Truth is the separation is largely due to the fact that I can't go visit any of them without them dumping their drama data on me, therefore having no other choice (put up with is not a choice) I get on with my life free from that.
Those who injure my friends and family I never forgive. I am far more harsh on people if they hurt those I love, particularly those who are vulnerable.
This intrigued me the most.
For one, it shows bias (those I love) which as I said, on the surface seems legit enough.
So I wonder:
Q: What if those loved ones who were hurt, find it in their own heart to forgive the offender.
Q: Would that make a difference to how you see the offender?
Q: If not, would you invest time and energy into trying to convince the loved one doing the forgiving that they should not forgive?
Q: What if they decided not to listen to you? Would you still love them?
Also
Q: What if the offender at some point sincerely came to the conclusion that what he/she had done was simply the terrible thing that it was and in that contrition sought to make it clear to their victim that they had understood precisely the damage caused and harm done and asked for forgiveness?
Also:
If this made no difference to your position whatsoever and as far as you could tell, nothing at all excused the offence in the first instance so no forgiveness could be given, but the offender forgave their self anyway and got on with their life for the better and never again offended because he'she was genuine in their understanding and subsequent remorse.
Q: How would you feel about that?
I consider no punishment too harsh for them and actively look forward to their untimely death. Whilst I wouldn't hasten that untimely death I would not go out of my way to stretch a hand out to save them and I often spend time thinking up inventive ways for revenge.
Q: Would you like to see them suffer a slow painful death? (Do you picture that in your imagination?)
Also:
Q: If hell turned out to actually exist, would you love the prospect of being able to see them placed there?
Also:
Q: If it turned out he/she died peacefully in their sleep after enjoying the latter years in the company of a loving caring partner, and relative stress free environment, would that gall you out or in any way contribute to solidifying your position?
Anybody remember the TV show Kung Fu from the 70s? Reminds me of this exchange between Caine and Master Po:
Master Po: Vengeance is a water vessel with a hole; it carries nothing but the promise of emptiness.
Young Caine: Shall I then repay injury always with kindness?
Master Po: Repay injury with justice and forgiveness, but kindness always with kindness.
Anyway, just a little something more to think about.
That's a great wee story!
