Favorite Fantasy Series (High or Low)?

[TragicMonkey]

"Behold the 9ct Russian Wedding Band of W00ting!"

In the little-known sequel to LoTR, Galadriel gets fed up with life in Elf Paradise and attempts to stage a comeback in Middle Earth. She uses her arcane knowledge to craft a new jewel of power, this time not a ring, but a Jane Seymour Open Hearts Pendant. With it, she seeks to rule the hearts of all because if your heart is open to love, a crazy old lady will try to cash in.

Fortunately for everyone, Gollum Junior was passing by on his way to attend art school and stole the pendant to sell for weed money, so Middle Earth was once again saved from magical domination by people with jewelry.

 

[Skepticemea]

In the little-known sequel to LoTR, Galadriel gets fed up with life in Elf Paradise and attempts to stage a comeback in Middle Earth. She uses her arcane knowledge to craft a new jewel of power, this time not a ring, but a Jane Seymour Open Hearts Pendant. With it, she seeks to rule the hearts of all because if your heart is open to love, a crazy old lady will try to cash in.

Fortunately for everyone, Gollum Junior was passing by on his way to attend art school and stole the pendant to sell for weed money, so Middle Earth was once again saved from magical domination by people with jewelry.

Anyone would think that John Ronald Ratner Tolkien had an ulterior motive centering the protagonists struggle over a bit of tatty body ornamentation.

 

[Wudang]

It shows a lack of foresight on Sauron's part creating the object in the shape of a ring which can be easily lost. A Prince Albert on the other hand, well, awkward choice of phrase there, not a hand exactly but hopefully you see the link.

 

[Skepticemea]

It shows a lack of foresight on Sauron's part creating the object in the shape of a ring which can be easily lost. A Prince Albert on the other hand, well, awkward choice of phrase there, not a hand exactly but hopefully you see the link.

Lord of the Cock Rings is an entirely different film.

 

[TragicMonkey]

It shows a lack of foresight on Sauron's part creating the object in the shape of a ring which can be easily lost. A Prince Albert on the other hand, well, awkward choice of phrase there, not a hand exactly but hopefully you see the link.

Sauron didn't lose the ring, Isildur cut it off.

Far better it be a finger, you see.

 

[Wudang]

Sauron didn't lose the ring, Isildur cut it off.

Far better it be a finger, you see.

Hmmm "Isildur, you have vanquished the enemy .... and WHAT THE ILLUVATAR ARE YOU DOING?"

"It is precious to me and shall be an heirloom of my house."

"WTF. Seriously dude you need a lot of time in the houses of healing. And none of that healing hands of a king stuff until you wash"

 

[Skepticemea]

I always thought of Sauron as a kind of "Ken-gone-bad" body type. He's never gone get girls with that lazy eye, anyway.

 

[Wudang]

Gandalf is another embodied spirit and we know he eats and drinks so presumably has corresponding output options. Whether these are multipurpose is a moot point.

Sauron..... you think a guy who makes his own jewellery is all that into girls?

 

[Skepticemea]

Gandalf is another embodied spirit and we know he eats and drinks so presumably has corresponding output options. Whether these are multipurpose is a moot point.

Sauron..... you think a guy who makes his own jewellery is all that into girls?

Into girls? Nah. Total attention whore though so probably covering for something.*

*I'm not for a minute suggesting Sauron is a bit "Samwise".

 

[TragicMonkey]

Into girls? Nah. Total attention whore though so probably covering for something.*

*I'm not for a minute suggesting Sauron is a bit "Samwise".

Sauron and Galadriel had a thing back in the elder days, that's one reason they were such enemies later. Bad breakups are the worst when your ex is immortal.

And Sam wasn't gay, he just put up with Frodo's advances because he was his boss. Not the first straight boy to play gay to a rich guy.

People think Legolas and Gimli were gay, but they weren't. Gimli was female. Its hard to tell with dwarfs.

 

[Wudang]

People think Legolas and Gimli were gay, but they weren't. Gimli was female. Its hard to tell with dwarfs.

Whoa! Gimli was Legolas' beard? Unexpected.

 

[TragicMonkey]

Whoa! Gimli was Legolas' beard? Unexpected.

Not every pretty guy is gay. Legolas was totally straight. He was nailing that pirate chick, who preferred him to Johnny Freaking Depp. No way she would pass up Johnny Depp for a guy playing the other team.

 

[Ryokan]

Not every pretty guy is gay.

I think Wudang's point was that if Gimli was female, he literally was Legolas' beard..

 

[TragicMonkey]

I think Wudang's point was that if Gimli was female, he literally was Legolas' beard..

Dwarf anatomy is peculiar. Those aren't beards, they're pubic hair.

 

[Wudang]

Dwarf anatomy is peculiar. Those aren't beards, they're pubic hair.

Soooo, what exactly was Gimli pouring beer into? Do I want to know?

 

[Skepticemea]

Soooo, what exactly was Gimli pouring beer into? Do I want to know?

Drinking from slippers is an age old tradition.

 

[PixyMisa]

No. To be honest I have to wonder how many books one could have read to rate Wizard's First Rule as the worst. My over-under is in single digits, unless one really started with a solid great works list.

3000, give or take.

Again, while I'm enjoying the book (about 300 pages in), it's not high on my personal lists, and like I said there are some bits that clunked. But the idea that it's the worst book ever?

Worst book I've ever read.

Have you ever read the Thomas Covenant books?

Yes. Vastly superior to WFR.

 

[PixyMisa]

Sorry to derail the.... Conversation? Conversation-like object?

 

[jcp]

His ring was White Gold. It's a rather major plot point.

That was what would have made it funny had he described it as "argent."

 

[Wudang]

Sorry to derail the.... Conversation? Conversation-like object?

Indeed. The object implements Conversation and extends Babble.