marplots said:
So how do we handle what I think is the actual situation where it is beneficial to both participate in a group (and self-sacrifice) while sometimes operating as an individual?
Rational self-interest. When it's in your best interest to act in conjunction with others, you do so. It's not wrong, for example, for my father to be a volunteer fire fighter--he sees a legitimate need, and works with others to meet that need. It's not a self-sacrifice, either, because it's a value he has chosen. Even if no one else benefited from it, the study of fire and how to mitigate its impacts is a value to him. The companionship he derives from it is a real value to him. The fact that he's literally saved innumerable lives is a side issue, as far as O'ism is concerned.
Similarly, it's not wrong for my cousin to be a cop. He sees a legitimate need, and he obtains value from the activity. The fact that he helps the entire community is a side issue, an irrelevancy.
It's this latter part that I think moves things into the realm of ethics. The setting the default mechanism based on principles.
Diana Hsieh discusses this in her discussion of eitquet and manners. In brief, when there's an objective justification for some otherwise arbitrary rule, you should follow it. For example, driving on the right hand side of the road is an arbitrary choice; we could have driven on the left just as easily. But since doing so now would cause death and destruction, it's objectively wrong to do so. Or, when you get to a door the women go first. It's arbitrary and a throwback to an older and improper way of thinking, but it also serves the purpose of facilitating social interactions. A buddy of mine in college demonstrated this: we'd open the doors for eachother, alternating who opened what. When we got to the top of the stairs in the dorm, we were dead even--so we had to devise a way to pick who opened the door. A bit absurd (we acknowledged that at the time), but it's an example to illustrate the inherent absurdity of an arbitrary rejection of all social norms.
More generally, the issue you're failing to see is the difference between necessary and optional values. Necessary values are those that are required for life. You MUST eat, or you die. Optional values are those that aren't. You must eat, but WHAT you eat is open to a wide variety of choices. I like potroast. You may prefer ham. I like a good glass of Jameson, while my wife prefers taquila. Etiquet is the realm of optional values in a culture. Every culture needs to answer certain questions, such as how to handle trade, which side of the road to drive on, the mechanisms of the government, etc., but what those answers are is up to the culture. It's not collectivistic, it's merely an acknowledgement that we need certain common principles in order to function, and it's in your best interest to abide by them.
(Yes, that's the brief version!)