TAM X - Singles n' Singles

[crazylegsmurphy]

Hey All,

A few years ago I attended TAM 8 with a friend, and being that it was our first time at TAM, and new to the skeptic movement, we found it was fairly hard to meet people.

I remember putting out a Tweet through the iPhone app asking if there were any others that were attending alone, and while I had a few people respond we were never able to arrange a meet up.

I am considering attending TAM X again this year, but this time by myself. So before I book my tickets, I am wondering:

1. Is anyone attending alone, and / or single?
2. Has anyone seen posts, meet ups, Facebook events, twitter posts, or anything else of arrangements already in the works?

I think there was some "TAM virgins" thing last time, but I think it would be cool to officially organize a singles meet up. The thought is that people who are attending the conference as a single person (not involved with anyone), as a single person (attending alone), or as a new person (never been to TAM before), could all meet up with the option of having some cool people to hang out with.

Thoughts?

 

[xinit]

Isn't that basically the Del Mar Lounge?

It's a good idea - pick a time and place, and tell people about it. Go bowling and reserve a big table for dinner, or anything, really.

Make a FB event, add it to the list here, etc...

 

[TubbaBlubba]

I am single, attending alone, and this is my second TAM.

 

[Wowbagger]

I am travelling to TAM alone, but when I arrive I certainly don't feel alone. But, I suppose a singles event might be something I might attend.

 

[bumlet5]

So many people go to TAM solo. They are everywhere.

In fact, I think you should name the event TAM Solo.

 

[Paul C. Anagnostopoulos]

I always come to TAM by myself.

~~ Paul

 

[TubbaBlubba]

So many people go to TAM solo. They are everywhere.

In fact, I think you should name the event TAM Solo.

But who shot first?

 

[bumlet5]

But who shot first?

TAM Solo, of course.

 

[Chris RN]

I've gone solo the past two years, but have used the forums as a way to break the ice and get to know people. And walking up and saying 'hey' works too.

 

[Andriiya]

I've gone solo the past two years, but have used the forums as a way to break the ice and get to know people. And walking up and saying 'hey' works too.

Yeah, what she said. It's really hard to run out of people to meet and mingle with at TAM.

 

[crazylegsmurphy]

TAM Solo is awesome!!

Sounds like a few people might benefit from a formal meeting plan. I will figure out the best place to create an event in the next few days.

Yeah, what she said. It's really hard to run out of people to meet and mingle with at TAM.

Depends who you are. It's difficult for some to just walk up to people and say, "hey." There may be a lot of people there, but when people are there in groups, everything becomes just a little bit harder when you're alone (or new).

The fact is that not everyone wants a "tag-along"

 

[AdMan]

TAM Solo is awesome!!

Sounds like a few people might benefit from a formal meeting plan. I will figure out the best place to create an event in the next few days.



Depends who you are. It's difficult for some to just walk up to people and say, "hey." There may be a lot of people there, but when people are there in groups, everything becomes just a little bit harder when you're alone (or new).

The fact is that not everyone wants a "tag-along"

I've said this before and likely will say it again, but in my experience TAM is one event where it is very acceptable to walk up to what looks like a "group" you may not know (you'll know they're TAM attendees because of the badges and assorted skeptical tees), just say, "hi, mind if I join you?" and (assuming they don't mind, which they probably won't) join in. I know it may not be easy at first if you're alone and/or it's your first TAM, but, really, it's OK. Just try it once at the Del Mar and you'll see it's fine. TAM attendees are generally very friendly and open to meeting new people.

 

[bumlet5]

I've said this before and likely will say it again, but in my experience TAM is one event where it is very acceptable to walk up to what looks like a "group" you may not know (you'll know they're TAM attendees because of the badges and assorted skeptical tees), just say, "hi, mind if I join you?" and (assuming they don't mind, which they probably won't) join in. I know it may not be easy at first if you're alone and/or it's your first TAM, but, really, it's OK. Just try it once at the Del Mar and you'll see it's fine. TAM attendees are generally very friendly and open to meeting new people.

This is definitely a group that is ok with new people.

 

[crazylegsmurphy]

I've said this before and likely will say it again, but in my experience TAM is one event where it is very acceptable to walk up to what looks like a "group" you may not know (you'll know they're TAM attendees because of the badges and assorted skeptical tees), just say, "hi, mind if I join you?" and (assuming they don't mind, which they probably won't) join in. I know it may not be easy at first if you're alone and/or it's your first TAM, but, really, it's OK. Just try it once at the Del Mar and you'll see it's fine. TAM attendees are generally very friendly and open to meeting new people.

While I don't doubt your experience, mine was much different.

Please understand this idea isn't due to a lack of friendliness from the people at TAM. I'm sure it's quite easy for some to just walk up to groups of people and strike up a conversation, but there are many of us who, for various reasons, aren't comfortable doing that.

 

[Phlebas]

While I don't doubt your experience, mine was much different.

Please understand this idea isn't due to a lack of friendliness from the people at TAM. I'm sure it's quite easy for some to just walk up to groups of people and strike up a conversation, but there are many of us who, for various reasons, aren't comfortable doing that.

But... but...

Isn't that going to be a problem meeting people at any large event? If meeting new people is a goal, you have to be willing to talk to strangers even if you aren't comfortable with it. Otherwise, what are the options?

TAM does more than I've ever seen from a conference to be welcoming to new people and to give them opportunities to meet (apart from a certain ill-conceived opening reception a couple years ago). But no one is going to force anyone to interact.

If you walk into the bar, you have to assume the people in the bar want to talk to other people. There's very little reason to sit in a space that crowded otherwise.

 

[The Central Scrutinizer]

But... but...

Isn't that going to be a problem meeting people at any large event? If meeting new people is a goal, you have to be willing to talk to strangers even if you aren't comfortable with it. Otherwise, what are the options?

TAM does more than I've ever seen from a conference to be welcoming to new people and to give them opportunities to meet (apart from a certain ill-conceived opening reception a couple years ago). But no one is going to force anyone to interact.

If you walk into the bar, you have to assume the people in the bar want to talk to other people. There's very little reason to sit in a space that crowded otherwise.

Exactly. Even if someone successfully organized a "singles meetup" at TAM, those "singles" are going to form into groups.

 

[bumlet5]

While I don't doubt your experience, mine was much different.

Please understand this idea isn't due to a lack of friendliness from the people at TAM. I'm sure it's quite easy for some to just walk up to groups of people and strike up a conversation, but there are many of us who, for various reasons, aren't comfortable doing that.

I don't think I completely understand. Are you saying that you tried to talk to someone and they were mean or rude, or that you felt intimidated to speak to anyone to begin with?

I will admit that even TAM has its own version of the "cool table", but that is definitely not the majority.

 

[crazylegsmurphy]

Isn't that going to be a problem meeting people at any large event? If meeting new people is a goal, you have to be willing to talk to strangers even if you aren't comfortable with it…

You’re right, as a “single” person attending an event, part of the challenge is figuring out how to meet people. The thing is, that regardless of my willingness to talk to strangers, there are many other factors that play into how successful I will be.

If you walk into the bar, you have to assume the people in the bar want to talk to other people. There's very little reason to sit in a space that crowded otherwise.

The problem I have with your statement is that it makes a lot of assumptions. For example, you assume that everyone else is there to meet people as well. Take the bar for example. Sometimes people just go there to hang out with their friends, not to get approached by everyone else.

The same could be said for any event. Just because there are large numbers of people, doesn’t automatically mean everyone is interested in hanging out with people they don’t know.

I don't think I completely understand. Are you saying that you tried to talk to someone and they were mean or rude, or that you felt intimidated to speak to anyone to begin with?

Yes, when I attended TAM 8 there were some rude people. Being a skeptic doesn't automatically make a person nice...people are people.

And of course there is an intimidation factor. The last thing anyone wants is to find themselves in the middle of a topic where they have nothing of value to add. Meeting people can be intimidating at the best of times, let alone standing around awkwardly as others discuss something you know nothing about.

However, you assume that there are only those reasons why talking to people at an event is hard. In my experience there are a lot of other reasons. For example:

- Not everyone is there to meet others. Some people are there with their friends or partners, and they have their own goals and agendas.

- For some, this is a once a year opportunity to interact with people they know through other means, and the last thing they want is some random person tagging along.

- Some people are simply not approachable. It’s not likely that I’m going to walk up to Richard Dawkins and 45 minutes later find myself giving him a high five while we watch the Treasure Island pirate show.

I’m sure there are more, but the point is that because there are a lot of different reasons why people are there, it can be frustrating and time consuming to find people to hang out with.

Otherwise, what are the options?

Well, one option is exactly what I'm trying to do here. Attempt to find people in a similar situation, and arrange a meeting. This greatly improves the probability that you'll find someone to talk to, and/or hang out with because you aren't forced to try to work your way into groups of people.

Exactly. Even if someone successfully organized a "singles meetup" at TAM, those "singles" are going to form into groups.

I'm not sure I understand. The whole point is that people may form into groups. The entire point is that meeting other "singles" opens up opportunity for those people to have a group of people to hang out with.

The fact is that many of us attend TAM because in addition to learning awesome stuff, it is the one opportunity to meet people that many of us simply don’t have access to in our daily lives. Attending TAM alone can be a frustrating and intimidating experience. Nothing is worse than spending four days with 1700 like minded people, yet coming away from it feeling like you didn’t meet anyone.

I’ll be honest here. I don’t really understand why some of you are questioning this idea. Without trying to sound like a jerk, some of the replies in this thread are exactly the reasons why it can be hard to meet people at events like TAM.

TAM does more than I've ever seen from a conference to be welcoming to new people and to give them opportunities to meet (apart from a certain ill-conceived opening reception a couple years ago). But no one is going to force anyone to interact. .

Could you please provide examples?

If TAM does more than you’ve ever seen from a conference to welcome, it would be great if you could point me to examples of this.

 

[Allecher]

I don't think we are trying to be ornery, crazylegsmurphy, but it truly surprises us. I think your idea of organizing a meeting is great. The problem is that the newbies are not usually tuned-in to the "tricks" like using twitter to find like-minded folks. How do we get the word to everyone?

Phlebas probably has better examples, but the first way to meet people that comes to my mind is the "First TAMmer" buttons. They make an easy ice breaker.

I attended TAM 8 & 9 alone but both times I made friends everywhere I turned - the airport shuttle, striking up a convo in the main hall between speakers, the bowling alley, etc.

I suggest that everyone sign up in the roll call thread so that you can find the names of other forumites that will be arriving on the same shuttle. Instant friends!

 

[crazylegsmurphy]

Allecher,

I hear what you're saying. I can understand how it may seem strange to some people that others may be having a difficult time meeting others at TAM.

Perhaps I should clarify a bit. In my experience, talking to people at TAM wasn't super difficult or anything, but it doesn't always translate into people to hang out with. There were a few instances when my friend and I met some people, but because they had other plans/goals, we both came away from TAM not meeting anyone new.

We ended up hanging out with each other the entire time, and had it not been for him....I dunno what I would have done.

Ya, I saw those "First TAMer" buttons....if that worked for some, then that's cool. I personally thought they were super lame.