If horoscopes were this specific we might believe them

[David Swidler]

Finally, a horoscope that doesn't spout vague generalities. Enjoy.

 

[Goshawk]

Some of them are for dead people. That's so meta.

 

[Marduk]

Taurus (April 21-May 20): The stars indicate this would be a very auspicious time to drop out of any major contests, especially those involving political leadership. It turns out the stars are wary of a Republican leadership whose name has become synonymous, however briefly, with “the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex“.

Uncanny

 

[David Swidler]

Some of them are for dead people. That's so meta.

Of course. "Meta" is the feminine form of "dead" in Hebrew. But you knew that.

 

[Big Les]

You might also enjoy Psychic Bob;

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/category/horoscopes/

 

[David Swidler]

I just remembered one I made in November 2010. Have always been a fan of those in The Onion.

 

[Sledge]

Finally, a horoscope that doesn't spout vague generalities. Enjoy.

Finally? There's been some excellent horoscopes available for years!