Apology
This title intentionally left blank
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2007
- Messages
- 2,126
Forgive me if you've heard this one before, but I had never heard it myself, so I simply had to share it with y'all.
According to Mormon "urban legend", our hairy friend Sasquatch is really Cain of biblical fame, cursed to wander the earth forever, raiding pantries for baked beans and tossing pigs.
Now let me be clear, this concept is in no way recorded in the Book of Mormon or part of church doctrine. It's not an official Mormon belief; it's simply a tale that Mormons pass around to each other. Not all Mormons believe that Bigfoot is Cain, and not all Mormons believe in Bigfoot. However, the Bigfoot/Cain story is very convenient for the Mormon Church as it allows them to distance themselves from the inherent racism of some of their teachings. Now they can say that the curse of dark skin visited on the sons of Cain and Ham wasn't black people with dark skin, it was hairy sasquatches with dark skin, and once again y'all have misunderstood the mysterious teachings of the prophet Joseph Smith, and you're all bigots for calling Mormons bigots for shame
In addition, there's another Mormon "urban legend" having to do with UFOs. Yes, we are being visited, but not by alien monsters. We are being visited by God's holy people, who live on another heavenly planet, and they stop by to check on us from time to time. They don't show themselves to us because they're bound by God's Holy Prime Directive not to interfere with our spiritual development. Alternately, we are being visited by the lost ten tribes, who hide out underneath the North Pole and buzz us in a flying saucer now and then to see how we're progressing spiritually.
In the future, when you encounter strong resistance to the concept that Bigfoot couldn't possibly live in the Utah desert due to the fact that there isn't enough food and water to support a hominid of that size, now you know why. Cain can't starve or die of thirst because he's damned to roam the earth forever, and a lack of food and water is all for the best since it makes his celestial journey even more uncomfortable. So there
For more information about the Mormon Bigfoot Genesis Theory, you can go here and here, or you can buy an overly wordy book about it on Amazon.
According to Mormon "urban legend", our hairy friend Sasquatch is really Cain of biblical fame, cursed to wander the earth forever, raiding pantries for baked beans and tossing pigs.
Now let me be clear, this concept is in no way recorded in the Book of Mormon or part of church doctrine. It's not an official Mormon belief; it's simply a tale that Mormons pass around to each other. Not all Mormons believe that Bigfoot is Cain, and not all Mormons believe in Bigfoot. However, the Bigfoot/Cain story is very convenient for the Mormon Church as it allows them to distance themselves from the inherent racism of some of their teachings. Now they can say that the curse of dark skin visited on the sons of Cain and Ham wasn't black people with dark skin, it was hairy sasquatches with dark skin, and once again y'all have misunderstood the mysterious teachings of the prophet Joseph Smith, and you're all bigots for calling Mormons bigots for shame
In addition, there's another Mormon "urban legend" having to do with UFOs. Yes, we are being visited, but not by alien monsters. We are being visited by God's holy people, who live on another heavenly planet, and they stop by to check on us from time to time. They don't show themselves to us because they're bound by God's Holy Prime Directive not to interfere with our spiritual development. Alternately, we are being visited by the lost ten tribes, who hide out underneath the North Pole and buzz us in a flying saucer now and then to see how we're progressing spiritually.
In the future, when you encounter strong resistance to the concept that Bigfoot couldn't possibly live in the Utah desert due to the fact that there isn't enough food and water to support a hominid of that size, now you know why. Cain can't starve or die of thirst because he's damned to roam the earth forever, and a lack of food and water is all for the best since it makes his celestial journey even more uncomfortable. So there
For more information about the Mormon Bigfoot Genesis Theory, you can go here and here, or you can buy an overly wordy book about it on Amazon.