Being bullied

[Tricky]

I realize this issue is personal for a bunch of you, but you need to avoid personalizing it here. I've moved a bunch of posts to AAH that continued to bicker after my mod-box warning. If you like, use them as a template for what you should not do.

Replying to this modbox in thread will be off topic  Posted By: Tricky

 

[Cainkane1]

I do. I was bullied in high school for 3-4 years and I got over it.

I think.

I'm as over it as I'm going to get but reading these posts bring back very bad memories. I mean here I am 63 years old and this topic still effects me greatly and negatively.

I have been a foreman on jury duty twice in my life and both times I have tried to get the bad guy punished to the full letter of the law. I succeeded both times in putting a murderer and a lifelong criminal in prison to the max.

 

[qayak]

(I later found out that my friend's dad took him out for a nice dinner after the school called him to inform him his son had been suspended for fighting.)

When my youngest daughter was in grade 2 a bully decided to pick on her brother who was in grade 3. She beat the crap out of the bully.

I got called to the school and was informed she was suspended, I pulled both kids out of school and we went out for a great pizza lunch.

The next time the bully picked on my son, my son kicked the crap out of him and I bought them another pizza lunch.

That was pretty much the end of the bullying problem.

 

[Cainkane1]

When my youngest daughter was in grade 2 a bully decided to pick on her brother who was in grade 3. She beat the crap out of the bully.

I got called to the school and was informed she was suspended, I pulled both kids out of school and we went out for a great pizza lunch.

The next time the bully picked on my son, my son kicked the crap out of him and I bought them another pizza lunch.

That was pretty much the end of the bullying problem.

Good for them. Three punks told me on the bus that they were going to shove me into a fat girl who was standing in front of me. The girl was overweight and taller than me and after hearing and seeing me struggling with these losers she took my side and slapped the biggest one silly. Another said "yeah yeah let a girl do your fighting for you". She slapped him silly too. The third one kept his mouth shut. That was 47 years ago and I keep in touch with her. She's happily married with children and grandchildren.

 

[Thunder]

maybe its just me, but the solution seems pretty simple.

if anyone touches you, call the police and press assault charges.

 

[Chaos]

maybe its just me, but the solution seems pretty simple.

if anyone touches you, call the police and press assault charges.

... if you can prove what they did.
... if the police consider this serious enough (I doubt most cops would bother investigating something like this, unless there are serious injuries)
... if the bullying is physical at all; posters in this thread have made it clear that non-physical bullying can be bad enough.

 

[qayak]

maybe its just me, but the solution seems pretty simple.

if anyone touches you, call the police and press assault charges.

You can be touched pretty hard without being able to prove it and the police can't watch you 24/7. This is the reason there are self defence laws in most countries.

As Russell Peters said, "I know it's going to take the police 23 minutes to get here and, in that time, somebody gonna get hurt real bad!"

 

[Thunder]

non-physical bullying can be tackled with a small audio recorder.

 

[rjh01]

non-physical bullying can be tackled with a small audio recorder.

I like this idea. Some say going to the authorities might make the bullying worse, but then that means the bully is in even worse trouble!

Two other tips I do not think have been mentioned so far.
1. If anyone even threatens you with bullying start keeping a diary. Then if it escalates you can show the diary to the authorities and the bully is in trouble for everything not just the minor thing that got you upset. Just remember do not put anything that might embarrass yourself in the diary.

2. Some people behave in ways that are identical to the way bullies behave. But they are not bullies. Telling them quietly how they should behave will stop these people. I had a manager once behave like that. This solution worked as he just did not know how to treat people properly.

 

[qayak]

I had a discussion with my daughter a few weeks ago. As some of you might know, my 2 year old grandson, her son, was lost for 29 hours in the Yukon Territories last September. I did not find out about it until a few hours before he was located. I asked her that if something like that happened again would she please notify me ASAP. She said "Dad, if we hadn't of found him, I would still be up there looking!"

I told her that if they hadn't of found him I would be right beside her, looking.

Then she said something that I have always told myself. She said, "Dad, I would kill to protect my son and I would die to protect him."

In thinking about this, it occured to me that that is the easy part. It's easy when there is a clear and present danger to your child. In those instances it is very easy to know what you should do.

The difficult part is in knowing what to do when the danger isn't so clear. Bullying is one such case which is what makes it so hard to deal with.

That's what I think the benefits of these types of threads are. They get people talking about issues that are very hard to work through on our own and give us differing perspectives, and new options, when dealing with them.

 

[fuelair]

non-physical bullying can be tackled with a small audio recorder.

Which can get you arrested and/or sued in many states unless the bullies give permission to have their voices recorded (the good news, don't know of any where you need same for recording picture/video w/o sound).

 

[qayak]

Edited by Darat: 

Breach of Mod Box warning removed.

 

[slingblade]

non-physical bullying can be tackled with a small audio recorder.

If you happen to have one on you, and the presence of mind to turn it on.
I never seem to have one, since I don't own one.

 

[Professor Yaffle]

The worst bulling I recieved was neither physical nor verbal. When I was about 10 one of the girls in my class decided, for reasons best known to herself, the tell everyone in our class that I was copying work from the girl sitting next to me and persuaded the whole class to shun me completely and exclude me from everything they did. In a very short space of time I had gone from a reasonably popular kid with plenty of friends to play with at breaktime to spending most of my time alone because the vast majority of the class wouldn't speak to me.

 

[fuelair]

I'm as over it as I'm going to get but reading these posts bring back very bad memories. I mean here I am 63 years old and this topic still effects me greatly and negatively.

I have been a foreman on jury duty twice in my life and both times I have tried to get the bad guy punished to the full letter of the law. I succeeded both times in putting a murderer and a lifelong criminal in prison to the max.

Well done!!!

 

[Dunstan]

I'm reluctant to bump such a contentious thread, but I came across this article and thought it might be of interest:

The researchers used peer descriptions to categorize the children as being either bullies, victims, or defenders of victims. It turned out that the bullies and defenders were similarly advanced in their moral judgments as compared to the victims. They each behaved more like adults, by rating the "attempted harm" scenario—I tried to poison you but failed—more negatively. The victims seemed to be delayed in their moral development; like the younger kids, they focused on the outcome as opposed to the intention.

A second analysis compared the three groups of children according to their responses on a quiz that measures moral disengagement, which relates to a child's ability to suppress feelings of conscience and compassion. (The subjects had to rate their agreement with statements like, "Kids cannot be blamed for misbehaving if their friends pressured them to do it.") According to the researchers, the bullies seemed more inclined to disengage than either the victims or the defenders.

In other words, the bullies knew right from wrong, but didn't care. The victims cared, but were confused about right and wrong.

 

[fuelair]

non-physical bullying can be tackled with a small audio recorder.

not in lots of states - unless the bully oks you recording it.

 

[The Central Scrutinizer]

not in lots of states - unless the bully oks you recording it.

The principal's office is not a court of law. Record away.

 

[Ferguson]

If you happen to have one on you, and the presence of mind to turn it on.
I never seem to have one, since I don't own one.

A lot of (most?) cell phones these days have voice recording/saving features, some even have little microphone buttons on the outside of the phone to turn it on/off, so with your hands at your side you can brush/tap the button unnoticed. Just a tip, some people might want to check their phones or their kid's phones for this feature - just might save your *** one day. Be careful though, in some states you can get you busted for violating some various surveillance laws... (i.e. misdemeanor speeding charge becomes felony 'wiretapping' charge for recording an officer like this guy) so check your state law first!

 

[slingblade]

I needn't check the laws. I don't own a cell phone, either.