Who started both World Wars?
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Belz...
Fiend God
I would've thought your first guess would've been "starting a global war of aggression and murdering millions of people."
Dave Rogers
Bandaged ice that stampedes inexpensively through
Getting back to the subject of the thread, if anyone's interested, here's my synopsis of the First World War.
Germany, Austria and Italy are stood together in the middle of the bar-room, when Serbia bumps into Austria, and spills Austria's pint.
Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit, because there are splashes on its trouser leg.
Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view.
Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.
Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for cleaning Austria's trousers.
Russia and Serbia look at Austria.
Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at.
Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.
Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.
Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene.
Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?
Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action.
Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium.
Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.
Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.
France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britan and France with one hand and Russia with the other. Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.
Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings, because Britain made Australia do it.
France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.
Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.
America waits till Germany is about to fall over, then walks over, waves a fist at Germany while Britain knocks it out, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.
By now all the chairs are broken, and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault. While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.
Nobody comes out of it looking particularly good.
Dave
Germany, Austria and Italy are stood together in the middle of the bar-room, when Serbia bumps into Austria, and spills Austria's pint.
Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit, because there are splashes on its trouser leg.
Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view.
Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.
Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for cleaning Austria's trousers.
Russia and Serbia look at Austria.
Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at.
Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.
Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.
Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene.
Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?
Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action.
Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium.
Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.
Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.
France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britan and France with one hand and Russia with the other. Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.
Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings, because Britain made Australia do it.
France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.
Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.
America waits till Germany is about to fall over, then walks over, waves a fist at Germany while Britain knocks it out, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.
By now all the chairs are broken, and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault. While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.
Nobody comes out of it looking particularly good.
Dave
That was sooo nominated. The best description of WWI ever. Where are the jews though?
kookbreaker
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Nicely done, although way too much credit for Italy taking out Austria. I'd say Russia took them out along with Turkey.
HansMustermann
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Dude, seriously... you support a thesis with Amazon reviews?
You know, the same site which lets fanboys post glowing, orgasmic reviews of how something is the best thing ever, before it's even published? And yes, I've actually seen such reviews of products which didn't even have a release date announced yet.
Even as the Argumentum ad Populum goes, this is a pencis-up-the-nose retarded one, since it doesn't even show a real popularity. It just shows that a tiny minority of fanboys -- and/or their sockpuppets -- took the time to support their pet idiocy.
stilicho
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Wonderful.
I don't think the OP delves deeply enough into events leading up the Great War though. I'm with Namier that those who came after Napoleon III simply copied his m.o.
Another influence rarely understood in these days of blanket security and "Pope-Mobiles" is the fact that almost everyone was getting shot or having hatchets thrown at their heads in the late Victorian/Edwardian era. I started a collection of assassination attempts (successful or not) about 10 years ago and ran out of energy. Franz Ferdinand was not an anomaly but just another in a long line of victims. There was no reason to believe his death would result in anything more than that of Plehve, McKinley, or King Umberto.
The biggest contribution to the cavalier approach to general warfare after AUG 1914 was the experience in limited--if brutal--warfare in the Balkan Wars of the two years prior.
To answer the OP--none of the above but you can always blame the Bulgarians if you have to pick someone.
9/11-investigator
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EXCELLENT! This is what I am looking for, a short as possible summary of the events in a cafe brawl allegory. Not that I entirely agree with the synopsis, but not bad at all and a surprising even handed conclusion in the end! I might use the idea as a introductory summary in my future blog.
dudalb
Penultimate Amazing
A few quibbles.
You left out that Turkey kicked Russia in the butt while Russia was fighting Germany.(Turkey,without a formal declarationof war starting shelling Russian cities along the Black Sea Coast in September of 1914).
B.You are really off base when you suggest that the US made no contribution to the final defeat of Germany.
Sceptic-PK
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Hilarious Dave!! Though you forgot that after being punched in the nose by Turkey, Australia spent the rest of the night telling everyone what an awesome brawl they had been in, and how proud they were in defeat.
9/11-investigator
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Until the US came in there was a stalemate situation on the battle field.
What Dave forgets to mention is WHY the US joined.
Enter the Jews as another party in the cafe brawl.
This is grotesque, horrible garbage (& wrong) - the soviets were slowly battering the Nazis well before the Americans became substantially involved. It was only a matter of time.
Dave Rogers
Bandaged ice that stampedes inexpensively through
Wrong war. In WW1, Russia was out of the picture well before America played any significant part; however, the prospect of American manpower flooding the Western Front led Germany to gamble everything on its (ultimately unsuccessful) spring 1918 offensive. I'll freely admit that accuracy and completeness have been sacrificed for brevity and humour, and that American troops played an important role in the final advances of 1918; it's interesting, though, that America played a significant role simply by waving a fist at the right time.
As for why America got involved, I'd just like to suggest that the greatest disappointment in history for the conspiracy theorist must be the comprehensive admission by the German government that the Zimmerman telegram was genuine. Still, Zimmerman sounds Jewish, and I'm sure that's all that counts.
Dave
The moral of the story is to read threads more closely
9/11 investigators premise is still wrong. The naval blockade & the horrendous casualties made a German defeat inevitable irrespective of US involvement but it would have probably happened in 1919. The British & French victory in the 1918 spring offensive was very much the last straw for the Germans. They only have the man power for defensive operations after that.
9/11-investigator
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Well, our friend from Bolton at least understands the difference between WW1 and WW2, unlike 'scholar' gtm.
Unlike Dave, who probably was not present at the Versailles 'Peace' Conference, there was a Jewish diplomat who was around, Benjamin Freedman. He revealed the reason why the US joined WW1 on the side of the Allies. In summary:
The Jewish Zionists wanted Palestine, first as a home for the Jewish People (an excellent idea that I support, Madagaskar comes to mind or the South-Pole or a few cubic kilometers of concrete, glass and steel like Manhattan) and later as a location for their world government according to their prophets. During WW1 Palestine was administered by Britain. Already during these years the US (Washington rather) was under Jewish control. So the Jews smelled their chance. They offered the British government to bring in their American serfs in exchange for Palestine. The German hating British government was all too keen to accept the offer... This side of the story obviously you will never hear in any western classroom. After all it were the Germans who gassed 6 million Jews, remember? After all, the Jews-Bolsheviks-Anglos told us so themselves in Nuremberg. Once you see through this Anglo-Jewish complicity in deceit it becomes very difficult to encounter an Englishmen without having to vomit. **
http://www.sweetliberty.org/issues/israel/freedman.htm
Now those same Jews, when they saw the possibility of getting Palestine, they went to England and they made this deal. At that time, everything changed, like the traffic light that changes from red to green. Where the newspapers had been all pro-German, where they'd been telling the people of the difficulties that Germany was having fighting Great Britain commercially and in other respects, all of a sudden the Germans were no good. They were villains. They were Huns. They were shooting Red Cross nurses. They were cutting off babies' hands. And they were no good.
Well, shortly after that, Mr. Wilson declared war on Germany.
The Zionists in London sent these cables to the United States, to Justice Brandeis: “Go to work on President Wilson. We're getting from England what we want. Now you go to work, and you go to work on President Wilson and get the United States into the war." And that did happen. That's how the United States got into the war. We had no more interest in it; we had no more right to be in it than we have to be on the moon tonight instead of in this room.
Now the war -- World War One -- in which the United States participated had absolutely no reason to be our war. We went in there -- we were railroaded into it -- if I can be vulgar, we were suckered into -- that war merely so that the Zionists of the world could obtain Palestine. Now, that is something that the people in the United States have never been told. They never knew why we went into World War One. Now, what happened?
After we got into the war, the Zionists went to Great Britain and they said: “Well, we performed our part of the agreement. Let's have something in writing that shows that you are going to keep your bargain and give us Palestine after you win the war.” Because they didn't know whether the war would last another year or another ten years. So they started to work out a receipt. The receipt took the form of a letter, and it was worded in very cryptic language so that the world at large wouldn't know what it was all about. And that was called the Balfour Declaration.
The Balfour Declaration was merely Great Britain's promise to pay the Zionists what they had agreed upon as a consideration for getting the United States into the war. So this great Balfour Declaration, that you hear so much about, is just as phony as a three dollar bill. And I don't think I could make it more emphatic than that.
Now, that is where all the trouble started. The United States went in the war. The United States crushed Germany. We went in there, and it's history. You know what happened. Now, when the war was ended, and the Germans went to Paris, to the Paris Peace Conference in 1919, there were 117 Jews there, as a delegation representing the Jews, headed by Bernard Baruch. I was there: I ought to know. Now what happened?
The Jews at that peace conference, when they were cutting up Germany and parceling out Europe to all these nations that claimed a right to a certain part of European territory, the Jews said, “How about Palestine for us?” And they produced, for the first time to the knowledge of the Germans, this Balfour Declaration. So the Germans, for the first time realized, “Oh, that was the game! That's why the United States came into the war.” And the Germans for the first time realized that they were defeated, they suffered this terrific reparation that was slapped onto them, because the Zionists wanted Palestine and they were determined to get it at any cost.
Now, that brings us to another very interesting point. When the Germans realized this, they naturally resented it. Up to that time, the Jews had never been better off in any country in the world than they had been in Germany.
To sum it all up: no, WW1 was not started by 'The Jews'. But because of their actions before and during Versailles they outright provoked Hitler and his anti-semitism. There was no country that was more hospitable to the Jews than Germany. And yet the Jews betrayed Germany and destroyed it. The other reason why the Jews were hated was their dominating role in bolshevism that threatened to take over the whole world.
** - I just returned from a holiday in the mountains of Austria (my opponents probably immediately recognisize the Nazi in me from my choice of holiday destination). In the courtyard of the hotel the management had installed a large screen so the guests could follow the WC football matches. I followed the matches where Holland was not involved with one eye, the other eye on the screen of my laptop following more interesting developments on sites like fpp.co.uk, 911blogger.com or codoh.com. The encounter Germany-England was a pleasant one, although the outcome was completely as expected. A few days later I observed the English guests while watching the game Germany-Argentina. They all were in favour of Argentina, probably including Mick Jagger who was on the tribune again. poor Mike, not much satisfaction for him this week.
I was tempted to shout 'Malvinas Argentinas!', but I restrained myself and instead cheered when Germany scored (4 cheers!) and browsing to the site of David Irving for every Englishmen to see and to show this article to a relative, likely directly implicating Tony Blair in the murder of David Kelly.
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Sceptic-PK
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I've always wondered, if the master race really is the master race, why is everything controlled and run by jews? Doesn't sound very masterful to me.
Dave Rogers
Bandaged ice that stampedes inexpensively through
Thus showing the mental gymnastics neo-Nazis will undertake in order to blame the Jews for everything; Hitler was justified in murdering nearly six million Jews because a small group of people - different people to the ones Hitler murdered, let's not forget -were allowed to settle in British-controlled Palestine, an area that Germany had never had any claim over; and America's declaration of war on Germany was nothing whatsoever to do with Germany's openly declared aim of waging unlimited submarine warfare against, among others, American ships, and entering into an alliance with Mexico to invade America and annexe Texas, Arizona and New Mexico.
I must confess to a vague desire to vomit, but it's nothing to do with being an Englishman, even one who isn't from Bolton.
Dave
I must confess to a vague desire to vomit, but it's nothing to do with being an Englishman, even one who isn't from Bolton.
Dave
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