Dating in the office... encouraged?

[Luciana]

I met a friend yesterday who's been working for a large oil company for 2 years. She was telling me how relationships in the office were encouraged.

I was puzzled, and she explained that not only most relationships were quite in the open, having no restrictions whatsoever, but that once a couple get married they would publish proudly, if authorized "they met at the company!".The only relationships not in the open are those of married couples, but not married to each other. "Married after meeting inside the company" is a common phrase in exec speech, with pride! Oh, and they offer generous benefits for parents of small children.

I have heard of companies who strongly oppose romantic relationships in the office, offense potentially punishable by dismissals. Fortunately I've never worked one, as I'd find it totalitarian, but that's personal taste and I can understand some reasons behind it, just don't agree with them.

Other companies are quite neutral, don't really worry about such issues unless they involve concrete ethical cases. It might be frowned upon by the management, but it is tolerated if it's discreet and is perceived as fairly harmless.

But encouraging, that's the first time I hear of it. The only advantage I see thus far is that relationships in the open are obvious, whereas "underground" relationships might generate ethical issues - such as unwarranted promotions - that are harder to detect or impede. If it's out in the open, for employers there's the upside of not having to hide an aspect of your life, and for employees it has the advantage of more honest relations and fewer worries about unknown connections and hidden personal interests in matters.

Has anyone heard of such practice? What are the other upsides and downsides I'm failing to see?

 

[drkitten]

Has anyone heard of such practice? What are the other upsides and downsides I'm failing to see?

I've seen it in a few smaller-scale companies, and in academia. Done properly, it definitely enhances employee morale, and also make it easier for people to put in long hours at the office, thus enhancing productivity in several ways.

Think of it as an extension of the-company-IS-your-lifestyle as offered by companies like Google and Microsoft. If we make you want to spend time "on campus" (a term borrowed from academia, of course, which is one of the biggest job/lifestyle mixes around), you will do more for us. If you can't wait to down tools so that you can go cruise the bars looking for companionship, that quickly turns into unproductive clock-watching.

The biggest downside is that it can decrease employee morale just as fast as it enhances it (when/if a relationship with a close worker goes south and you can't stand to be in the same room as him/her), and it can leave the company open to all sorts of liability claims for unfair labor practices.

 

[CriticalThanking]

I know many companies find relationships (or more commonly the resulting breakups) a productivity and/or retention problem and would prefer they not happen, but I have only seen policy level discussions when there is a reporting relationship. In order to avoid nepotism or favoritism issues, relationships within the reporting hierarchy are discouraged/forbidden. Some companies don't take a stance on unmarried relationships but require job movement upon marriage. Others view a relationship of any type the same way as marriage. I have never heard of a large US company actively encouraging relationships.

CT

 

[Luciana]

Think of it as an extension of the-company-IS-your-lifestyle as offered by companies like Google and Microsoft. If we make you want to spend time "on campus" (a term borrowed from academia, of course, which is one of the biggest job/lifestyle mixes around), you will do more for us. If you can't wait to down tools so that you can go cruise the bars looking for companionship, that quickly turns into unproductive clock-watching.

It could be it. Perhaps the company believes that married people will be more responsible and trustworthy employees, willing to put in more hourse, and even more so if they're married to someone within the company.

The biggest downside is that it can decrease employee morale just as fast as it enhances it (when/if a relationship with a close worker goes south and you can't stand to be in the same room as him/her), and it can leave the company open to all sorts of liability claims for unfair labor practices.

Yeah, but if the relationship is out in the open, one of them can request being moved if the relationship is now bitter, because the truth can be told. No more putting up with it or lying about the need to move. The company has to be mature about it, acknowledge romantic partnerships as they're part of life whether they like it or not.

As for unfair labor practices, those will happen whether or not the relationships are exposed or hidden, but if they're exposed at least you can set strict guidelines and enforce them better than having to prove that couple is actually a couple and that's why promotion/salary increase was unfair.

The more I think about it, the more I'm starting to like this policy.

 

[drkitten]

Yeah, but if the relationship is out in the open, one of them can request being moved if the relationship is now bitter, because the truth can be told.

Yeah, the problem with that is,.... which one? I guess a stronger statement is "being moved" isn't always (often?) a solution.

First, if I worked hard to get where I am now, I will be triple-dog damned before I request a transfer to the boonies (which might simply be an outbuilding where I don't get the face-time with the big boss) and lose points on the professional ladder. If he/she/it feels the same way, then we've just "playing chicken" (do you know that idiom) with the department.

Even if I'm willing to move, I may well have friends and allies in the department I'm leaving that will still hold a grudge on my behalf.

As for unfair labor practices, those will happen whether or not the relationships are exposed or hidden, but if they're exposed at least you can set strict guidelines and enforce them better than having to prove that couple is actually a couple and that's why promotion/salary increase was unfair.

I think you have it reversed; unfair labor practices aren't really a problem from the COMPANY's viewpoint (they can always move people or adjust salaries as they see fit -- I don't need to prove that you're sleeping with the boss in order to give you a pay cut). They're a problem from the employee's problem, specifically the ones discriminated against. As you point out, the company's first line of defense is usually to deny that the couple were a couple,.... so you're asking the company to open itself up to more claims. Legal would go into convulsions at the thought of stipulating couplehood as a precursor to a defense against labor practices.

The more I think about it, the more I'm starting to like this policy.

Well, as I've said, I'm in academia, which is something of a haven for the two-body problem, and has a lot fewer problems with unfair promotion simply because there aren't really any promotions available. So I think it's a good idea as well, but that's because I'm in an industry without many problems with labor complaints.

 

[Doubt]

The larger the company, the less potential for serious problems if things go well. But a Transfer between departments may be in order if things do go bad.

But that said, interoffice relationships need to be treated with caution. Know the person as well as possible before getting started.

IIRC, the CIA, (yes, that CIA) started it's own singles group. Turns out it saves the agency a fortune on background investigations when they marry each other.

 

[CFLarsen]

If you want geeks to work for you, you might want to lure them with the promise of sex...

 

[lionking]

The real problem is where the relationship involves a manager and a subordinate, which it often does.

 

[Francesca R]

Dating in the office is certainly a bit different I guess. But I would rather go to a restaurant, or a bar, or the ballet.

 

[malbui]

This question cropped up a few weeks ago when one of the young ladies in my office came in to see me in my role as head of department. Things were hotting up between her and a co-worker and she wanted to know if there was a relevant policy. I explained that there was no official policy and that as a company we wouldn't want to get in the way of people's happiness, but also mentioned that such relationships can make things difficult because of staff planning issues, performance appraisals, promotion discussions and a number of other factors. And of course if things go bad, that can cause an appalling atmosphere within the team. She listened to this thoughtfully and said she'd give it some thought.

As a precaution, the next morning I called her fella in and transferred him to our office on Kerguelen.

 

[FarmallMTA]

"Don't get your meat where you get your bread."

It still pertains.

 

[Slimething]

I've never seen it encouraged, either. The closest thing I've seen was for companies I worked for that had labs in the hinterlands actively recruit techie couples. Sciency types often marry peer cohorts (maybe not in the same company but in the same inbred circle). So, if you want to offer one of them a job, you have to offer them both jobs as there's nowhere nearby for the other scientist to find fulfilling jobs.

I once worked at a contract lab where you really needed a program of who was sleeping with whom to get by. The CEO's secy was sleeping with a toxicologist we all knew was dry-labbing data. We suspected he was using said secy to get dirt on the boss to protect himself. A shapely lab tech was promoted overnight to Director of Marketing and took lots of trips with the CEO. Wild place but nowhere to have a career. I had no protection. I was told I was going to be "deemphasized" after a major client told the CEO they were looking to hire me away. (They were trying to do me a favor!)

I've seen both sides. The outcome of xtreme office camaraderie usually depends on the maturity of the couple and the professionalism of higher management.

 

[FarmallMTA]

The closest thing I've seen was for companies I worked for that had labs in the hinterlands actively recruit techie couples. Sciency types often marry peer cohorts (maybe not in the same company but in the same inbred circle). So, if you want to offer one of them a job, you have to offer them both jobs as there's nowhere nearby for the other scientist to find fulfilling jobs.

Kind of OT here, but I've seen this same thing. One of the funniest examples was at an interview of this incredibly geek scientist who was (don't ask me how it happened) married. The wife was actually fairly normal for being around such an out-there space cadet.

He showed up at his University Asst. Prof interview in t-shirt, shorts and flip flops and wore the SAME ONES all three days he was on campus. I kind of thought it was all an act, myself. His wife was along with him and continually prompted him on what his answer to various questions was as he had a tendency to just stare out the windows and forget to answer (maybe some kind of autism spectrum disorder). Again, I thought the whole "absent minded genius professor" thing was pretty much a gag.

Anyway, they offered him the job and her a job but they turned it down because she wasn't offered a good enough job. The truth was they didn't really want her at all, they just thought this egghead needed her around to interact with the world for him. Kind of hard to justify mega-bucks to somebody who's basically hired to keep the dude with his head up his sass from walking out in front of a bus.

 

[godofpie]

Never dip your pen in the company ink. I have never had a husband/wife -boyfriend/girlfriend situation end well. I employee less than 15 people and it is minimum wage work.

 

[coalesce]

I've always felt "never get your pleasure where you get your paycheck."

Plus, at work, I can be a slightly different person. I don't have to worry about saying something to my co-worker (or, in my case, my boss) that I wouldn't necessarily say to my girlfriend or wife (e.g venting about my significant other or a suggestive comment about another person.)

Michael