How To Be Safe In A Hurricane

If you're living in a trailer, surely the optimum strategy is crisis relocation; ie take it somewhere less windy?
 
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Well, it's definitely raining here pretty hard. Driving in to work on the Jones Falls Expressway, one of the nastiest and curvy bits of highway that exists, I drove 5 mph below the limit. People were passing me like I was standing still.
 
Back in the 60-70's there was a project to put audio tracks in groves on highways. They found that people were more distracted trying to figure out where the sound was coming from and they failed to head the warning that was being spoken.
 
Do you think messages and information on how to drive safely is pointless? If not, why would messages on fire safety be pointless?

The "fire safety" message was not to use it.

I missed that bit in my driver's ed course. It would have been much shorter, of course.
 
Well, for all of you who left those frantic messages on our answering machine ("Beeps, are you all right? Why don't you pick up the phone? Did you burn the house down?"), let me assure you we got through the Killer Death Hurricane Hanna just fine. We went out for the morning to visit some historic sites in downtown DC, proving that even though we didn't have the sense to come in out of the rain, we were smart enough to leave candle-lighting to trained professionals.

My mother's birthday is next month. Are there any JREFers out there who are trained in the proper and safe use of birthday candles? I'll pay money.
 
The "fire safety" message was not to use it.

I missed that bit in my driver's ed course. It would have been much shorter, of course.

Really? I remember them telling me many things not to do in my driver's ed course. I doubt yours was any different.
 
My mother's birthday is next month. Are there any JREFers out there who are trained in the proper and safe use of birthday candles? I'll pay money.

Lucky for you that I'm here.

Candles should only be lit after being placed on a solid surface. If you must place them on a cake then under no circumstances should you let anyone blow them out, if you do the candles could easily be blown over, start a fire and burn your house to the ground.

Also, don't let anyone who uses hairspray within ten feet of the candles, otherwise one of them will set their head on fire.

Follow these simple rules and I'm sure your party will pass without incident.

Oh, and keep a bucket of water close by.
 
Lucky for you that I'm here.

Candles should only be lit after being placed on a solid surface. If you must place them on a cake then under no circumstances should you let anyone blow them out, if you do the candles could easily be blown over, start a fire and burn your house to the ground.
I've used asbestos candle holders on birthday cakes in the past, so I think that helps. They leave a funny-tasting gritty residue in the icing. But that's probably harmless, right?
 
The "fire safety" message was not to use candles during a hurricane. A similar advisory is also issued concerning driving during a hurricane.


ETA: I wish we had those asbestos candle holders the year we used sparklers on a birthday cake instead of candles.
 
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Well, goddammit, then, just google "'niagara falls' 'no smoking'" and then click on images.
 
You mean this?

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