Back in the Neolithic Age, when I was in college, 39 years ago this September, when my hair was a little bit too long, I went to The Record Runner record shop in Ithaca, New York one day, and found an intriguing album by a guy named Jaime Brockett, called
Remember the Wind and the Rain.
The album's title song wasn't the reason I was at The Record Runner. I'd heard this hilarious, frantic 13-minute long song called
The Legend of the U.S.S. Titanic (sic) on the Ithaca College radio station, WICB (or maybe it was Cornell University's station, WVBR, the call letters of which stood for Voice of Big Red, Big Red being the name of Cornell's sports teams).
Anyway,
The Legend of the U.S.S. Titanic explained how and why the
Titanic went down, even though "she was made of good wood and good iron and they said she'd never go down," and how heavyweight boxing champion Jack Johnson supposedly tried to book a trip on the ship but was denied passage because "they said this ship don't haul no coal" (probably an urban legend).
Brockett described the people who run the boat ("they knew all about hoisting up landlubbers and battenin' down hatches...") and the passengers ("a whole buncha Jewish people from Miami, tradin' wives and Cadillacs and diamonds...") and the captain, who knew how to do all the captain things, and the first mate.
Oh, yes, the first mate:
... this fella, his sideburns they just a little too long. He giving way, see. He, he been down in Mexico he been down in Mexico. He been workin' in this rope factory down in Mexico now. Down in Mexico they make rope outta this funny little hemp plant that grows wild in the ground (some of you people grow it in flower pots under your bed, ehh) Anyways, he's down there and he's, he's makin' rope outta this funny mari-joouana plant. One day the rope factory she catch fire n' he run back on in to save his lunch - he's got two sardine sandwiches - runnin' back on in to save his lunch he gets inside n' there's all this funny smoke floatin' around up inside n'.. he gets some of this funny smoke up inside his head n'.. he sit down in the middle o' de' fire n' he say, "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
baby, I ain't gonna make rope no more!"
So he takes everything he owns he wraps it up on into a diaper and a knapsack too n' he, he headin' on to the Titanic he gets to the Titanic he standin' on the bottom walkin' on up the gangplank n' the Captain's standin' on the top n' the Captain says "What you got boy?"
He says "I'm comin' on"
He says "What you got?"
He says "Well I got me two changes of BVD's. I got me my guitar. I got me my address book, a pair of socks, four Masked Marvel comic books, a tennis racquet and four hundred n' ninety-seven n' a half feet o' rope."
He says "Four hundred n' ninety seven n' a half feet o' rope! Waddaya got that for?"
He says, "Heheh I'm jest carryin' it heheh..."
So he says "It's all right. Go on board, go on board" and he did.
Five hundred fifty tons of yellowcake! Waddaya got
that for?
Heheh I'm jest storin' it heheh.
MP3 of The Legend of the U.S.S. Titanic.
It was midnight on the sea,
The band was playin' "Nearer My God to Thee",
Fare thee well, Titanic, fare thee well...