So you're an atheist. Ok, what next?

[articulett]

Fixed that for you

I was just thinking... if homeopathy is true, then couldn't the cannibals just chew some missionary fingernails for dessert should they become ill from swallowing "that much crap"?

(and add one more point to team godlessess' score... I can feel the demon spit embroidery on my shirt sizzling as I type this.....)

 

[FSM]

...

Even mediocre fans of irony would have to appreciate the ramifications.
The very ideas that theists dismiss may be the exact things that are responsible for their belief in the first place. Their denials can actually be viewed as confirmation.
It’s easy to dismiss theists as being dumb, blind, deluded etc. It might be more appropriate to think of them as simply being “human.”
You take some stinky, naked, sometimes violent yet clever hominids that have only recently come away from the safety of the forest and you jam them by the millions into cities. They have made great technological and knowledge based advancements, but still carry eons of baggage. That baggage served them well in the past, but unfortunately those same early characteristics don’t translate so well on a global scale.

Rather than becoming frustrated, perhaps you can forgive them and realize that they are products of their environment and culture.
It might be too much to ask (at this point) for humans to let go of those old convictions.


-H”only Scientologists know what to do at an accident scene” S.

I really loved this post.

And good points.

I don't really think that there's anything to forgive theists for... I don't really expect an apology from anyone who disagrees with me, no matter how wrong they are (like plumjam). I find it easy to think of everyone as equally clueless in this big huge mess of existence, I just tend to find those who are comfortable letting a mystery remain a mystery until otherwise proven more up my alley.

In my opinion, there's no US or THEM really (although the bowling shirts would indicate otherwise...) Theists are just as clueless about everything as we are, they just chose to give the mystery a name, a theme song and some nifty rules and costumes that come from straight out of a little town called Deyass. Oh yeah, and sometimes they decide to kill people who are from out of town.

At our core, however, just as you state, we are all "stinky, naked, sometimes violent yet clever hominids that have only recently come away from the safety of the forest," and they are our brethren in the struggle to understand the POINT of all this weird and unsettling existence crap.

I embrace my theist brothers and sisters with all the primieval STANK of the forest still genetically clinging to every bit of my DNA, I smell it on them as well, and I say unto them, HEY! Yo. Chillax, man. You have no freakin' clue about any of this either, right? How about a few jokes to pass the time?

Termite walks into a bar...

 

[FSM]

And also,

an overdue LOL to Tricky and six 7's and Articulette. And-- some of these:

 

[articulett]

I had missed that post before, and HM is friend from another forum, so I thank you for noting it-- it was a great post.

I often think of how the meme/gene making reproduction machine of religion (whereby you encourage people to "go forth and multiply" and indoctrinate from birth) is a very good means of getting religion propagated. It also ensures that those with a genetic propensity to religiosity spawn at higher rates than their more rational counterparts.

This sucks for the rationalists amongst us.

 

[The Grave]

Ah the sad truth is out there....

Let's say you've lived at least a couple of decades, you've examined the options, and you've arrived at atheism.

Well.
Here you are.

What do you do now?
Let's say you then spend a few years trying to rescue other humans from what you (not they) regard as stupidity.

Ok. Then what?

What can you do that is positive?
Are there any specifically atheist 'values'?
Are there any specifically atheist charities that endeavour to improve the plight of individuals?
(I don't think I've heard of any. Whereas religious charities there are thousands.)

Well, it's up to you. What next?
Preferably positive.

Yes well 'tis true, atheists aren't as good as the godly at making money...

As we all know, the majority of ("Give 'till it hurts") Faither charities are merely run as money making scams and have to give a little of their "hard earned cash" to some of the poor - I guess.

You forget to mention Plum-jum, (as Faithers usually do) THAT the fact is there are more atheist GIVERS than Faither takers!

It's merely an example of the rip-off Faither mind set and the arrogance of the Faither mentality to suggest that only Faithers give to charity...


Oh look... YOu aRe wRoNg aGaiN............

That is a direct result of your evolution from the lower primates... btw.

 

[The Grave]

Pain tends to be one of the better teachers....if you live through it...

Is that Miss, Ms, or Mrs Pain and does she teach RE, maths or art?

 

[HghrSymmetry]

I really loved this post.

And good points.

Thank you.

I don't really think that there's anything to forgive theists for

OK. Well, I suppose what I was trying to say is...."yes, theists sound ridiculous and inane....but, given cultural and Darwinian forces...they are not as fortunate to see the big picture." So I don't hold them entirely responsible.
"Forgive them father for they know not w...."

... I don't really expect an apology from anyone who disagrees with me, no matter how wrong they are (like plumjam).

Nor do I. It is I who pity them, for they are not able to see what is happening.

In my opinion, there's no US or THEM really

Agreed. I find all Homo sapiens mostly the same. I was simply making a distinction of those who have overcome two great obstacles: that being nature and nurture in regards to belief systems.

(although the bowling shirts would indicate otherwise...) Theists are just as clueless about everything as we are, they just chose to give the mystery a name, a theme song and some nifty rules and costumes that come from straight out of a little town called Deyass. Oh yeah, and sometimes they decide to kill people who are from out of town.

At our core, however, just as you state, we are all "stinky, naked, sometimes violent yet clever hominids that have only recently come away from the safety of the forest," and they are our brethren in the struggle to understand the POINT of all this weird and unsettling existence crap.

I embrace my theist brothers and sisters with all the primieval STANK of the forest still genetically clinging to every bit of my DNA, I smell it on them as well, and I say unto them, HEY! Yo. Chillax, man. You have no freakin' clue about any of this either, right? How about a few jokes to pass the time?

Termite walks into a bar...

 

[Tricky]

Yes well 'tis true, atheists aren't as good as the godly at making money...<snip>

Just FYI, The Grave, many posters here (myself included) regard "special effects" posting, like screamingly bold oversized type and overuse of smilies, to be the trademark of a woo or other extremist. Perhaps that is unfair, but it is based on long observation. If you feel the need to use these to make your point, you are free to do so, but I promise you that it will more likely make people ignore what you say rather than attract them to it.

If what you say is good enough, you don't need banners.

disclaimer: These generalizations do not apply to humorous posts.

 

[doctoratlantis]

Atheism does not encourage mankind to see equal value in our fellow beings, yet theism does, quite insistently.

True. Atheism denies that our values come from a god-law and requires that we make our decisions based on our own rational judgment. Michael Shermer's new economics book deals a good bit on the evolutionary basis of altruism. (You can read about that on his website without buying his book.)

But you do make a good point. Theism does show the value of our fellow beings. Especially of how to treat them as property when you enslave them.

Exodus 20:20-21
"If a man beats his male or female slave with a rod and the slave dies as a direct result, he must be punished, but he is not to be punished if the slave gets up after a day or two, since the slave is his property."

Yes, humans clearly have value.

And what are we to make of the idea that there is this all powerful creative god who makes this fabulous world - and when people refuse to obey his wishes (which he hasn't even bothered to write down on tablets yet) he destroys the whole world with flood?

And when they get up to bad stuff again, he arranges to have his own son murdered to set an example or something?

Is he from some kind of mafia or something?

But that's just the Judeo-Christian god. Probably not the best example of what a Deity can be...

I'm more of a Priapus fan, myself.

 

[HghrSymmetry]

I had missed that post before,

As a fellow Symmetrist, how is that possible?

and HM is friend from another forum, so I thank you for noting it-- it was a great post.

Thanks Art.

I often think of how the meme/gene making reproduction machine of religion (whereby you encourage people to "go forth and multiply" and indoctrinate from birth) is a very good means of getting religion propagated. It also ensures that those with a genetic propensity to religiosity spawn at higher rates than their more rational counterparts.

This sucks for the rationalists amongst us.

Aye. We may not have the time to wait for a selection pressure to filter it out. At this stage in the game, perhaps only a cultural change will help. Northern Europe seems to be a bright spot.

"If he has the time doctor, if he has the time."

 

[blobru]

I really loved this post. <snip>

And I really loved this post.

It's the why I calls ya "baby", baby.

How about a few jokes to pass the time?

Termite walks into a bar...

Ok.

Termite walks into a bar...

"Has anyone seen that louse husband of mine?"

Bartender, scratching head... "Nope."

Termite scowls, leaves.

Louse... "Phew. That was a close one. Nice rug y' know, you can hardly tell."

Thermite walks in...

"I hear someone wants to get bombed tonight?"

Groan, boo, razz...

Thermite slinks out.

Hermit walks in...

"I feel so alone sometimes."

<crickets chirping>

...walks out.

The mitee-est, lord of lords, host of hosts, a man among amen, God walks in (He's obviously been drinking)...

"Ok, so okay, so who doesn't believe in Me then, eh? Who's man enough to man up right now <baarrpp!> and tell Me, right to My face, 'hey, god, I don't... I don't believe in You'?"

Theist, gleefully... "This guy, end of the bar, I heard him talking, he said, 'God's a big fairy tale, why should I believe in Him?'"

God slaloms to the end of the bar... "Is that right, buddy? You don't melieve in be?"

Theist, almost wetting pants... "You tell 'im, God!"

God... "Hey, chuckles, zip it! I'm workin' here."

Theist... "Sorry your almightiness. P-Please forgive me. It won't happen again. I don't know what got into me just now to make me behave like that. Must have been Satan. Yes that's it. I'm possessed. Foul tempter! How can I ever make it up to You, God? Please... anything. I love You with all my heart and live to obey Your every whim."

God... "*****, what is it about Me? Why do I always attract such losers?"

Atheist... "Well, aren't you kinda asking for it with all this blind faith nonsense?"

God... "Faith... nonsense? Listen, half this lot wouldn't know whether to ***** or shine shoes without Me watching their every move. They need Me!"

Theist... "That's right, God. We need You!"

God... "***** off!"

Theist... "Sorry, God. Satan."

God... "Man, All Things Bright And Beautiful there is seriously killing My buzz. Anyone seen My drink?"

Atheist... "Ummm, can I buy you a beer?"

God... "Or twenty, hah! Seriously, Tardenber, pour this god a drink, good sir knight... good night... goo..."

...props elbow, mashes cheek on fist; tv behind bar showing WWE, mixed tag.

God lightens... "Yeah, that's it, get her! Smite that Jezebel!"

Theist... "Give her a sound spanking, the harlot!"

God, at theist... "Put a sock on it, perv!"

Theist, whispering... "sorry, satan."

God... "What a *****ing --" to atheist "-- did you know wrestling is fake?"

Atheist... "So they say."

God... "Imagine that. All those years, fans thought it was real. Real violence. Real blood. Real gore. Then they're told it's fake, and they don't care."

Bartender... "Here's your beer. Coors Lite ok?"

God... "Sure, whatever. *****, Sunday mornings I'd blow any man in here if he dipped it in alcohol, you know what I'm sayin', compadre?"

Theist, tugging on G's sleeve... "Heavenly Father, is that You in Your mysterious way saying You want me to blow...?"

God... "Last warning, ok sweet cheeks?"

Theist... "ahem... sa... tan."

God quaffs almightily, suds in His whiskers rabidly charming... "It's like we were saying earlier, non-believer. Blood. Ketchup. Wine. Who knows these days? Not Me. It's the matrix, you know? God I hated that movie. Keanu Reeves -- I died for his sins? What the hell was I thinking?"

Atheist... "So... what were you thinking, up there on the cross, if it's not too personal?"

Theist leans in.

God... "Oh, the usual. I hope I didn't leave the gas on. Did I cancel the paper? Who's going to water the cacti, feed the cat? But I also thought: 'What if this really isn't happening? What if I'm dreaming this, or you're dreaming this, what if a butterfly in China is dreaming this, am I the wind beneath its wings, and does that wind change the weather forecast halfway round the world the day they pin some poor schmo to a crucifix?' Anyway... Man, I need something to wash down that beer... bart <urp> ender! ... ... ... WTF!

Theist, having grappled onto G's shin like a lovesick chihuahua... "Heaven, I'm in heaven, and my heart beats so that I can hardly laugh, when we're out together dancing cheek to calf."

Atheist, rubbing eyes, punchline... "That's it. No more Canadian beer for me."

 

[PrincessIneffabelle]

Pain tends to be one of the better teachers....if you live through it...

I've been thinking about this. TBK said:

If only it hurt, physically, for a person to have their arguments soundly refuted and their beliefs debunked....

Does that sound like a good idea to you, too? What does physical pain teach us, really? It teaches us fear and hate. It teaches us to stop and avoid things that cause the pain.

How many of us previously believed, in some degree, in what we now see as "woo"? If you're like me, you arrived at your current, more rational, mindset through information, argument, and examining your beliefs. If you're like me, you would have never done that if it physically hurt you to do so. If I felt physical pain everytime one of my previous beliefs was debunked, I would have stopped and strictly avoided any further examination of my beliefs. I would have learned pretty quickly to ignore or discount any material or arguments that might physically hurt me. My personal growth would've been permanently stunted. Physical pain would have been a formidable barrier to rational thinking.

When our previously held and beloved beliefs are debunked, there is no real physical pain but there can be keenly felt emotional pain. It often hurts to change. I think that this emotional pain is why some woos cling to their irrational beliefs. They avoid/ignore/discount any materials or arguments that might cause them to feel the emotional pain of having their strongly held beliefs being debunked.

Is pain a "one of the better teachers"? True, pain teaches quickly and the lessons are often permanent. But, do remember that the lesson plan is fear, hate, distrust, and avoidance. Pain causes our rational minds to shut down.

When it comes to rational thinking and examination of beliefs, this is not my definition of a better teacher.

 

[FSM]

And I really loved this post.

It's the why I calls ya "baby", baby.



Ok.

Termite walks into a bar...

(snippperooony)

Atheist, rubbing eyes, punchline... "That's it. No more Canadian beer for me."

And this post is why I get all gooshy inside when you DO call me 'baby' or it could be because inside I'm made of spagetti sauce (note the missing 'h')... no clue which one applies.

Fave joke: Hermit.
Fave quote: God saying, "Sure, whatever. *****, Sunday mornings I'd blow any man in here if he dipped it in alcohol, you know what I'm sayin', compadre?"


Additionally, Blobby, you must know that a skeleton walked into that same bar the day after and asked for a beer and a mop.

It was weird.

 

[Gord_in_Toronto]

<< SNIP >>

Bartender... "Here's your beer. Coors Lite ok?"

<< SNIP >>

Oh my God!! You'd buy GOD a Coors Lite??

 

[Gord_in_Toronto]

Thanks Articulett and GO TEAM.

I fear we shall both see the end of our sour, hedonistic, humorless days without ever seeing this expectation fufilled.

But now, now we, the Godless Comedy Team can take a moment to relax still wearing our team uniforms (they look a lot like a bowling shirts except they smell of brimstone and have COOL flames all over them... and our names are embroidered on the pockets with demon saliva...) We'll go have a couple of morally subjective beers while we roast our latest sacrifice over a nice BBQ pit.

YAY us!


ETA:
Somebody save a leg for Gord! 'Afraid knot...' heeheehee

The ribs are sweeter.

 

[blobru]

Oh my God!! You'd buy GOD a Coors Lite??

Hmm... that explains the storm cloud circling the patio all day.

Lesson to the kids out there -- God walks into a bar: Coors Lite? Schlitz Malt?? Stella Artois??? Three Floyds Oak Aged Dark Lord Russian Imperial Stout.

 

[six7s]

Don't you know there ain't no devil
There's just god when he's drunk
Well this stuff will probably kill you
Let's do another line
What you say you meet me down on Heartattack and Vine...

 

[nzric]

Being a Theist means you can defer all responsibility, you don't have to face any of the harsh questions, because you always have "God works in mysterious ways" / "there are more things in heaven and earth..." etc. You can choose to believe and think anything you want, then when it gets a bit complicated or uncomfortable, you can draw a line in your thinking, with the optional "'ere be Dragons" over the border of your mental map.

As Plumjam has demonstrated, this also means you can define your own subjective as objective and if anyone complains you can lord it over them, without ever having to substantiate your opinion.

That's why a lot of Theists get a smug, "gotcha" expression when they ask you a question that implies Science (capital S) hasn't already come up with all the answers to everything in the universe, ever.

 

[schlitt]

Hmm... that explains the storm cloud circling the patio all day.

Lesson to the kids out there -- God walks into a bar: Coors Lite? Schlitz Malt?? Stella Artois??? Three Floyds Oak Aged Dark Lord Russian Imperial Stout.

There is a drink called Schlitz Malt?

Hmmm

 

[blobru]

There is a drink called Schlitz Malt?

Hmmm

And the mascot... is a bull. No b.s., the Schlitz bull! Here: