Faith-Based Diet Puts God Before Food

Wow. Wonder what qualifies as "God telling them to eat".

So - a potato thread and now a diet thread. Can't wait for your next food related religious thread. :)
 
"Dad, will you lead the Grace?"

"Sure. Oh heavenly father, you designed humanity to be very hungry to motivate them to keep themselves from starving. After casting out Adam and Eve, you told them that, and I quote, "by the sweat of your brow shall you till the soil." And for thousands of years that was a problem. But a freedom-based capitalism has stomped all over this "sweat of the brow" thing, and now food is so plentiful that the poorest among us are the fattest of us. So now that we've slapped down this idiotic "sweat of your brow" crap your Lordship foisted on us, could you lend us a hand in dropping the pounds? Apparently they cause clogged arteries, which are a problem because you didn't put in redundant blood vessels in the heart and brain, and extra pounds also result in a large abdominal cavity fat bolus that generates chemicals that induce insulin resistance in cells, another major problem for this perfect body. We pray to you, O Lord."

(all) "Thanks be to God. Amen"
 
I thought this thread would have recipes for things like Foreskin Fricasee.Disappointment sucks.FSM definitely has the best food.
 
Of course God has no calories.
BigGrin3.gif
 
Bacon Cheeseburgers for GOD.......

2 lbs ground beef or turkey
3/4 cup barbecue sauce, divided
8 slices bacon, cut up
4 slices American cheese
4 kaiser rolls or hamburger buns
lettuce

Not the one? See other Ultimate Bacon Cheeseburger Recipes

* < 30 mins Sandwiches
* Ground Beef Sandwiches
* Comfort Food Sandwiches
* Reduced Carbohydrates Sandwiches

1. Mix meat and 1/2 cup of the barbecue sauce.
2. Shape into 8 think patties.
3. Top 4 of the patties each with 2 bacon slices, 1 tablespoons barbecue sauce and 1 cheese singles.
4. Top each with second patty. Press edges of patties together; seal with fork.
5. Grill patties over medium coals 7 to 9 minutes on each side or until cooked through.
6. Fill rolls with patties and lettuce.

I need to get my grill on.
 
Beerina said:
"Dad, will you lead the Grace?"

"Sure. Oh heavenly father, you designed humanity to be very hungry to motivate them to keep themselves from starving. After casting out Adam and Eve, you told them that, and I quote, "by the sweat of your brow shall you till the soil." And for thousands of years that was a problem. But a freedom-based capitalism has stomped all over this "sweat of the brow" thing, and now food is so plentiful that the poorest among us are the fattest of us. So now that we've slapped down this idiotic "sweat of your brow" crap your Lordship foisted on us, could you lend us a hand in dropping the pounds? Apparently they cause clogged arteries, which are a problem because you didn't put in redundant blood vessels in the heart and brain, and extra pounds also result in a large abdominal cavity fat bolus that generates chemicals that induce insulin resistance in cells, another major problem for this perfect body. We pray to you, O Lord."

(all) "Thanks be to God. Amen"
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Wow - you must be one of those lucky few who have been born into wealth and never has to work for a living.
 
The Remnant Fellowship Church seem like a particularly nasty lot. Very cultesque.

Gwen Shamblin is presented as not just a religious leader, but a prophet. Members are required to cut off contact with non-members. Followers aren't a llowed to read anything besides Shamblin's writings.They're anti-psychiatry. Emphasis is placed on corporal punishment for disobedient and fidgety children.

Former members Betsy and Steve Miozzi of Ohio say they heard church leaders tell a local member to beat her child with long, thin rods used in glue guns - an implement that doesn't leave a mark on the victim.

The member's boy had been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder, but church leaders said it could be solved with spankings and discipline instead of medication, Steve Miozzi said.

Miozzi said the leaders' guidance was to "smack the child 10 times across the back of the thigh. If that doesn't work, do it again and again, and if it still doesn't work, put him in a room with nothing but a Bible and leave him there 'til he obeys or turns 18."

On visits to the Franklin church, the Miozzis said they often saw glue sticks protruding from diaper bags. The sticks were used on children as young as 18 months who fidgeted during the long services, Miozzi said.
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http://rickross.com/reference/weighdown/weighdown12.html

Plus, the pearly gates apparently have a "No Fatties" sign:

Shortly after her public testimony about losing 100 pounds, Mrs. Sneed, 39, confronted Mrs. Shamblin about her other unorthodox view that salvation isn't achieved through God's grace alone but requires effort and repentance. "I asked her: 'When I was 254 pounds, are you telling me I wasn't a child of God?' She said: 'That's right.' "

Mrs. Shamblin says that, indeed, she believes that people who constantly rebel against God's wishes are not going to be saved. "Grace does not go down into the pigpen," she says.
Click to expand...

http://www.karlloren.com/Diabetes/p31.htm
 
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