Sex created Jesus

[slingblade]

and it's dangerous to have sex with your vacuum...

Maybe for you.....

 

[Z]

Maybe for you.....

It's impossible for some of us.

Anyway...

There's a really great chance that Mary was knocked up by some local village boy, and came up with this story at first as a way of trying to get out of trouble. But considering she was from a long and noble Jewish line, she'd have been fairly well educated on Jewish legends... so making a few arrangements that she thought MIGHT fool the gullible people into thinking her pregnancy were divine... ? lol

Of course, isn't there also some small contraversy over whether the Bible meant that she was virgin as in 'untouched', or whether the line just referred to an independent woman?

What I'd like to know is, what did Jesus use sex to create??

 

[fuelair]

It's impossible for some of us.

Anyway...

There's a really great chance that Mary was knocked up by some local village boy, and came up with this story at first as a way of trying to get out of trouble. But considering she was from a long and noble Jewish line, she'd have been fairly well educated on Jewish legends... so making a few arrangements that she thought MIGHT fool the gullible people into thinking her pregnancy were divine... ? lol

Of course, isn't there also some small contraversy over whether the Bible meant that she was virgin as in 'untouched', or whether the line just referred to an independent woman?

What I'd like to know is, what did Jesus use sex to create??

Easter eggs and Peeps of course(Peeps are JustBorn you know)

 

[Foster Zygote]

It's impossible for some of us.

Anyway...

There's a really great chance that Mary was knocked up by some local village boy, and came up with this story at first as a way of trying to get out of trouble. But considering she was from a long and noble Jewish line, she'd have been fairly well educated on Jewish legends... so making a few arrangements that she thought MIGHT fool the gullible people into thinking her pregnancy were divine... ? lol

Of course, isn't there also some small contraversy over whether the Bible meant that she was virgin as in 'untouched', or whether the line just referred to an independent woman?

What I'd like to know is, what did Jesus use sex to create??

I'm more inclined toward the post hoc explanation. Virgin birth/conception by a god was a very popular story element when Christianity was being created so it was "worked in". My 2 cents anyway.

 

[edge]

What a bunch of stooges.
I’m waiting for Curly Joe to put his two cents in.

 

[tkingdoll]

If Mary was a virgin, then Jesus woulda been a girl. Can't make a boy without that ole Y chromosome.

Anyway, the big question of the day is not whether Mary was a virgin, but whether Jesus was hot.

 

[edge]

Didn't take long at all.
Question is are Skepchicks hot?

 

[tkingdoll]

Didn't take long at all

Ewwww, he's not THAT hot. Oh wait, you didn't mean...

never mind.

 

[Orangutan]

If there was a human being named Jesus Christ, he was created by sex. Not by some deity sticking his seed into a human woman's womb.

I don't know why I felt the need to point this out, other than that it gives me an opportunity to create a parody thread. But I didn't create it by sex. Whatever.

Yup.

 

[Darth Rotor]

Hey Shemp! In all of the new testament jesus never laughs. What did you expect from one of his brain dead followers?

Last I checked, the NT wasn't 24/7 coverage. I figure Jesus laughed a lot, what with all the silly things his disciples did in their cluelessness.

And the monkeys.

DR

 

[Kochanski]

No, no, no.

Rubber gloves, vaseline and goats make good lovemaking.

but you forgot the vibrator, whipped cream and feathers, tsk, tsk, tsk.

 

[strathmeyer]

If Jesus created sex, how did people reproduce before him? Was it by doing what I was taught by religious people was sex?

 

[nescafe]

No, no, no.

Rubber gloves, vaseline and goats make good lovemaking.

Amateurs.

You should never mix vaseline and latex-based anything. Always use a silicone or water based lube (according to personal preference).

Unless, of course, dissolving latex/rubber is part of the scene...

 

[jsfisher]

What is with everyone's fascination for goats?

Goats don't usually tell.

 

[Beerina]

Yeah, because when a young religious woman tells me that she's pregnant but has never had sex, my first thought is "she must be a hermaphrodite".

She'd have an awesome career in porn, though.

 

[Beerina]

If Mary was a virgin, then Jesus woulda been a girl. Can't make a boy without that ole Y chromosome.

It depends on whether her, umm.

Nah, I'm goin' for it.



It depends on whether her hermaphroditism goes "right to the bone".

 

[The_Fire]

Its hardly the way to get people together. remember, body, mind and soul make good lovemaking.

Wrong. Endophines makes great sex. That and foreplay.

 

[The_Fire]

Yeah, because when a young religious woman tells me that she's pregnant but has never had sex, my first thought is "she must be a hermaphrodite".

Snails are hermaphrodites. Ergo: Mary was a Snail.

Spew warning:

http://www.maniacworld.com/star_wars_jokes/Jabba_the_Hut.jpg

Or a greenfly.......

 

[DRBUZZ0]

Apparently, according to the church, there is something very very very very very impure about sex. Apparently it exists on some sort of spiritual level and cannot be undone.

The human penis, it would seem, somehow is absolutely toxic to the purity of a woman. If it enters her... she is then spiritually impure. No, it doesn't matter if he pulls out or she washes like crazy and confesses or anything else.

We know this because:

1. Jesus did not arise from sex. They make this very clear.
2. His mother Mary was a virgin. They call her the "holy virgin" or the "virgin Mary." Apparently it's so absolutely critical that you do not forget she was 100% virgin that they feel it necessary to constantly mention it
3. His mother never had sex after he was born... ever... Christian dogma maintains she was always pure and there are some radiations that Joseph was a widowed old man and that he already had children who were Jesus's surrogate/step siblings

4. The emasculate conception is actually the celebration of the virgin birth of Mary. Yes, Mary was also born of a virgin, who would be Jesus's grandmother. Apparently it was so important to maintain purity that at least two degrees of separation were necessary.




We're not sure why, but for some reason the male member, being made of blood vessles, flesh, skin cells pretty similar to those in the rest of the body.. or maybe the sperm.. which is mostly water and salt and some gonadal cells...

Well... it's so absolutely unpure... That a woman who loses her virginity can never again be considered holy... nor her offspring.

 

[Lonewulf]

4. The emasculate conception is actually the celebration of the virgin birth of Mary. Yes, Mary was also born of a virgin, who would be Jesus's grandmother. Apparently it was so important to maintain purity that at least two degrees of separation were necessary.

Uhhhhh...!

I'm not sure if you actually meant to do this, but it's "Immaculate Conception", not "Emasculate Conception". I.E., "Spotlessly clean conception".

Emasculation involves castration... which, within the context, sounds funny but doesn't seem to make much sense.

If it was intentional, though, I still chuckled. If it was unintentional, I'll LOL.