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Polyamory & polygamy

I would think the complexities of sorting out medical insurance would be enough to make someones' head explode.
 
Davidjayjordan said:
Z ..... Tis true that love and wisdom and maturity is the key to multiple relationships, especially if under one roof. This is why in other countries where multiple marriages are legal, the vast majority of them are under two roofs, and in two or more houses.

Consider

http://www.geocities.com/davidjayjordan/TwoHousePolygamy.html


.
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I gotta say, it is so weird to be in agreement with you.

Then again, love, wisdom, and maturity is the key to any relationship - straight, gay, multiple, whatever. ESPECIALLY under the same roof.

Sometimes I think I'd have had an easier marriage if we had lived separately... :D

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder; familiarity breeds contempt."

Let's face it - if 50% or more of all regular marriages end in divorce, and more marriages are failed but refuse to get divorced... and poly relationships are even more difficult to maintain...

I say this all the time to my friends, but I'll advise it here to one and all: DON'T GET MARRIED. To one, two, or fifty - just don't do it. Me, I love being married; I love being in my home as it is now - for the most part. But I think my life is the exception, not the rule. And it is VERY hard work; I've had to learn to subdue my ego, dispense entirely with jealousy, and many other hard lessons besides.

Love is hard.
 
Z said:
I gotta say, it is so weird to be in agreement with you.

Then again, love, wisdom, and maturity is the key to any relationship - straight, gay, multiple, whatever. ESPECIALLY under the same roof.

Sometimes I think I'd have had an easier marriage if we had lived separately... :D

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder; familiarity breeds contempt."

Let's face it - if 50% or more of all regular marriages end in divorce, and more marriages are failed but refuse to get divorced... and poly relationships are even more difficult to maintain...

I say this all the time to my friends, but I'll advise it here to one and all: DON'T GET MARRIED. To one, two, or fifty - just don't do it. Me, I love being married; I love being in my home as it is now - for the most part. But I think my life is the exception, not the rule. And it is VERY hard work; I've had to learn to subdue my ego, dispense entirely with jealousy, and many other hard lessons besides.

Love is hard.
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Very well said. Too many think marriage is a solution to something. It isn't. People change and hopefully grow as people, but when there are two (or more), there are a lot of tough adjustments to make along the way. Communication, humility, partnership...those are truly difficult things to make work successfully over a lifetime.

Adding other people to the mix drastically changes the dynamic, and it's not a "solution" to a problem, either. It's a recipe for more. This is why I, too, advise so many to not get married (despite being very happily married myself), and while extolling the virtues of a semi-poly lifestyle, I tend to warn more against it than encourage. It takes amazing chemisty (not the short lived, sexual kind) to make a partnership work. The odds of finding that between two are not great. Between three, four, six? TOUGH!!
 
Tricky said:
Why is no one concerned about the gripping problem of autoamory?
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I don't think we have a handle on the problem yet. Perhaps someone should seize it and lubricate the wheels of research.
 
Z said:
Sometimes I think I'd have had an easier marriage if we had lived separately... :D

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder; familiarity breeds contempt."

I say this all the time to my friends, but I'll advise it here to one and all: DON'T GET MARRIED.
Click to expand...


When my 1st marriage went south, i discussed it casually with a psychiatrist friend who was Lebanese. i told him that i felt like i could have handled it better if our house had been designed like this: a driveway into a garage with 2 completely separate living quarters on each side of it with one common area. He told me that there was a culture he knew of somewhere that already did that.

On another note, having spent my career in mental health, whenever i hear the word "commitment" in any context, you know the 1st thing that comes to my mind.
 
Tricky said:
Maybe. Like I say, I could be wrong, but I've found MM to have a sense of humor. Still, he should have used a smiley.:boggled:
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Usually, when I use a smiley it's because I figure even the clued in might miss the joke.


Yes, Tricky is correct, although not 100%. It was my plan to post that response when I signed on. Saizai happened to post something closely related to it as the last post in the thread.

And, about that smiley, it wasn't really so much tongue in cheek as it was pointing out an irony. In every thread regarding gay marriage, someone will inevitably bring up the specter of polygamy, and whoever does it will be set upon with a viciousness approximately equal to a pack of rabid coyotes. Everyone will say that that is a total straw man and no one wants it and it has absolutely nothing, nothing, nothing, to do with gay marriage.

So, I'm echoing that. This is a straw man. It doesn't exist. No one wants it.

My own opinion on polyamory....whatever floats your boat. I have friends in polyamorous relationships and they seem to be doing ok. To be honest, most of them are at least little bit weird, but I think they would be just as weird if they only shared a bed with their official spouse. As for making it legal by turning it into polygamy, it sounds too complicated. I think they should be able to work out legal details amongst themselves, and have those agreements honored in contractual law.
 
meadmaker - Please be clearer. What do you mean by 'no one wants it'?

People who are poly don't want to be married? They think they do, but if they realized the complexities they wouldn't? They don't count, and by 'no one wants it' what you mean is 'the majority of people arguing for gay marriage don't actually care whether polymarriage is allowed'? Or is it really a joke i.e. you realize that sane informed people do want it?

I'm confused as you seem to be contradicting yourself.
 
I'm polyamorous in theory, in the sense that I see the appeal of the idea, and if I had the time and energy for more than one serious relationship I might pursue it. But I don't have the time or energy, and I'm happy with my current relationship, so in practice I'm, er, monoamorous?

I'm firmly against polygamy. It would wreak havoc with our legal system, and I can't see any good workarounds, or, for that matter, reasons to bend over backwards for it.
 
Davidjayjordan said:
True Chjristianity allows for polyamoury but church Christianity changed the law of the Lord to the law of man. ... because the law of man makes one man one woman and easier way to tax and keep inheritances simple.

david
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What are you talking about? Ever read Ephesians? Try Ehpesians 5, and tell me where this canonical Christian doctrine does not set up a fairly rational discussion of monogamy.

As I recall, you were the wandering preacher. Did you know what you were talking about, or were you just selling a line?

DR
 
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