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Ten Biblical Verses Never Preached On!

volatile

Scholar and a Gentleman
volatile
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Aug 19, 2006
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I'm sure you'll all have a few more of your own, but I just thought you'd all get a giggle, and some useful ammunition, in this list of some of the more absurd of all those absurd verses in the Bible:

churchhopping.com/ten-verses-never-preached-on/


M
 
Oh, I've always heard the Onanism one. And I've heard Elijah and the bears. I've read the others (a statue of a hemmorhoid? A golden hemmorhoid??), but can't recall hearing them in church.
 
I remember bringing most of these up in sunday school. Or having them pointed out to me. That's the nice thing about Mormons. Anyone can teach sunday school. ;)
 
So here's a thought. Anyone consider starting up a viral style church where all the sermons that are "for" the bible are done Steven Colbert style, only more subtle so it isn't readily apparent? I think that constantly giving "the good news" about the importance of parts of the bible like this might start getting people thinking. And, think of this, it's not just pointing out these things, you have a bunch of the faithful right there, in pews, all of them bringing their bibles. You request they all turn their pages and read along WITH you this stuff, and then you go further and put it all in context to make absolutely sure that yes, that did mean EXACTLY that, and you do it all with a straight face while "plants" are all singing praises and saying "PRAISE the lord" all over the place.

I wonder how effective that would be... It would certainly make for an interesting case study, if nothing else.
 
I gotta tell you, number 1 there, about never grabbing your husband's attacker's testicles to stop him lest your hand be cut off, and no pity shall ever be shown, that sure is a head spinner.

For one, who imagined such a very specific and unlikely fight scenario? It's like reading a very boring rule book. Was there a precedent? Something that made it in all the papers? How would the guy who's about to get "the vice" not going to see that coming? Are we talking some deathgrip "grappling" scenario?

Secondly, that's sure a very strong response to this "offense". Is it a matter of male pride? Is it the "never be saved by a woman" part (which brings up a question on why they wouldn't specify other sorts of things like a woman with a knife), or the attacking of the "weak spot" (bringing up questions of, instead of grappling, a kick perhaps).

Heck, maybe it's some cultural evolutionary thing, like during a time when absolutely everyone had to reproduce as often as possible or the small band of humans there were in that place would die out.

Too many questions, but certainly we can all agree on one thing. As a biblical law, it works in ALL times. :D
 
While people do preach on these, they never seem to appear in "Bible Stories for Children", which is all most people ever read.
 
Now it came about at the lodging place on the way that the LORD met him and sought to put him to death. Then Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son’s foreskin and threw it at Moses’ feet, and she said, “You are indeed a bridegroom of blood to me.”
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Moses: Did you...just...oh my...*faints*

I'd be upset.
 
Ya know, in self defense classes the first they teach you is to go for the groin. Feet, knees, hands. One of my favorite maneuvers was when you're standing up and facing the attacker is to grab that area, hang on for dear life, and fall to the ground. See, I would never have thought of that on my own.

Really, if my husband were in danger, I wouldn't think twice. But maybe it's a macho thing?

Thank goodness we don't actually have biblical law in this country!
 
Today I’m going to tell you a story from the Bible. Because it’s from the Bible, you know it’s interesting, true, and important. The story took place almost 3,000 years ago in the land of Israel. This is not fairy tale; it’s not a bed time story. It really happened. And what happened way over there a long time ago has something to teach you and me.
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Ah, if only we lived in a society where threatening children like this was viewed as child abuse (which it is).
 
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