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Don't Bank on it

Richard

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Richard
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ANZ Bank is one of Australia's major banks. Take your money out now!
 

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Now isn't that cute, a guide for that new "Feng Shui" game. Wait, this isn't for a game at all is it?
 
Perhaps its all just a money making ploy - to get you to change all your furniture etc to items that fit in with the feng shui philosophy - thereby requiring another home loan to pay for it all.
 
Quotes from http://www.aon.com/uk/en/about/Press_Office/feug_shui_survey.jsp

"To get rid of negative energy inside the car, which could affect the driver’s mood, the owner should sit in the car and sing, clap their hands or play music to make a statement that it is now your cleared space and will go forward refreshed and free from past events."

Not a very safe way of driving though, is it? Although we will all be happy crashers!

"Keep the windows clean: this allows chi energy to enter the car from outside. In feng shui terms, the windows are the eyes for the car."

No they are not, they are so we can see where we are going!

"Sprinkle sea salt crystals on the carpets: they absorb passengers’ negative energy and can be cleaned out regularly taking the negativity with them."

Can someoen please explain, how exactly does sea salt absorb negative energy? With evidence please!
Does this work with food too? If I sprinkle lots of salt onto my negative friends food will they become more positive? (probably not, having tasted my cooking!)

All I can say is, don't buy your insurance off Aon - they will waste your money on stupid surveys like this!
 
Victor Meldrew said:
Quotes from http://www.aon.com/uk/en/about/Press_Office/feug_shui_survey.jsp

"To get rid of negative energy inside the car, which could affect the driver’s mood, the owner should sit in the car and sing, clap their hands or play music to make a statement that it is now your cleared space and will go forward refreshed and free from past events."

Not a very safe way of driving though, is it? Although we will all be happy crashers!
Click to expand...
I now see the error of my ways. I'd been marching around my car, chanting "Out damn evil negative energy!".

"Keep the windows clean: this allows chi energy to enter the car from outside. In feng shui terms, the windows are the eyes for the car."

No they are not, they are so we can see where we are going!
Click to expand...
Since nature abhors a vacuum, couldn't we just assume that once the negative energy was out, the chi energy would rush in when we open the doors?

"Sprinkle sea salt crystals on the carpets: they absorb passengers’ negative energy and can be cleaned out regularly taking the negativity with them."

Can someoen please explain, how exactly does sea salt absorb negative energy? With evidence please!
Does this work with food too? If I sprinkle lots of salt onto my negative friends food will they become more positive? (probably not, having tasted my cooking!)
Click to expand...
Have any neighbors you don't like? Buy 'em a salt grinder, and fill it with the old sea salt from your car...
 
Victor Meldrew said:
Can someoen please explain, how exactly does sea salt absorb negative energy? With evidence please!
Click to expand...

Oddly enough, given the emphasis the article places on water, salt is a dessicant and absorbs moisture. So, while you're supposed to increase the influence of water within the car, you're also supposed to use sea salt, which will absorb the water, which is washing away the negative energy.

Hmm... It all fits together.

Does this work with food too? If I sprinkle lots of salt onto my negative friends food will they become more positive? (probably not, having tasted my cooking!)
Click to expand...

Well, salt is a preservative (salt pork, etc). Does that count?

ETA: Written with tongue firmly in cheek.
 
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It will also rust the floor of your car and it will get you a clip round the ear when you track it into the house.

What lackwit thinks this stuff up?
 
If using wi-fi connections such as Bluetooth, drivers and passengers should drink regular quantities of still water to flush out the effects of this negative and draining energy from their bodies.
Click to expand...

I don't know if drinking something from a still is recommended for drivers.
 
LONDON, Wednesday 12 April 2006 – Sprinkling crystals of sea salt inside your car and tying a blue ribbon around your satellite navigation may sound like unusual tips for improving your gullibility, but according to a the first ever report studying the bull ◊◊◊◊◊◊ of cars, these measures could improve the flow of bull ◊◊◊◊◊◊ in vehicles and help drivers alleviate their bank accounts which usually lead to saving for retirement.

The ancient Chinese art of bull ◊◊◊◊◊◊ has long been associated with buildings, but leading insurance scoundrel for high net worth suckers, Aon Private Clients, commissioned internationally renowned bull ◊◊◊◊◊◊ expert Raymond Catchsmoresuckers to conduct a unique examination of how bull ◊◊◊◊◊◊ affects cars and their gullible drivers.

The Study found that, amongst other things, a gullible driver should park his or her car facing away from the driver’s home. According to bull ◊◊◊◊◊◊, cars are ‘predatory liars’. If parked facing towards a house or office building, they create a threat to the credulity of occupants of the building.

According to the report, the best ways to improve bull ◊◊◊◊◊◊ in any car are:
  • Remove logic and reason from the brain: it ‘sucks the gullibility out of the driver’.
  • If using wi-fi connections such as Bluetooth, drivers and passengers should drink regular quantities of stupidity to flush out the effects of critical thinking and reason from their bodies.
  • To get rid of common sense inside the head, which could affect the driver’s gullibility, the owner should sit in the car and sing, clap their hands or play music to make a statement that you are now an idiot and will go forward refreshed and free from common sense.
  • Keep the windows clean: this allows bull ◊◊◊◊◊◊ to enter the car from outside. In bull ◊◊◊◊◊◊ terms, the windows are the eyes for the car.
  • Tie a small blue ribbon on the satellite navigation or the rear-view mirror: the colour blue is a representation of Gullible, the perfect credulous state of mind: empty, unskeptical, superstitious and dim.
  • Keep a bottle of stupidity in the car for the same reason
  • Sprinkle sea salt crystals on the carpets: they absorb passengers’ funds and can clean their wallets out regularly taking the cash with them.
 
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Feng shui... now I keep hearing that this is a 20th Century invention. But I find references to it being very old. Does any really know for sure?
 
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