Marriage Debate

I think Scot's is onto something. If people marry less, but stay married more, it shows that they take marriage a bit more serious than those that marry and divorce often.
 
And again, Dave, could you post the numbers you think are relevant? I'm not just asking to be annoying :), I’m unclear on exactly what measurement and which countries you’re using.

Also, regarding your last post, if he’s going to stick with marriage rate, Kurtz should also take South Africa into account. I was mistaken, they already implemented SSM and they are in the top 10 of countries with the highest marriage rate (Funny, you want the ideal country with low divorce, high marriage, go to Libya!).
 
I think Scot's is onto something. If people marry less, but stay married more, it shows that they take marriage a bit more serious than those that marry and divorce often.

I think it's true that they "take marriage more seriously". But they take it so seriously that they don't bother getting married.

I'm not trying to make a moral judgement here on this issue. I cohabited twice in my life without benefit of clergy, and I have had what is by today's standards a small number of sex partners, but would have been considered promiscuous in the ancient past. (Between 5 and 10). I stayed single until I was 34. Although I might do some things differently if I had it to do over again, I feel zero guilt in any moral sense on the subject.

Does that mean I had a great respect for marriage? Not exactly. What it means is I didn't see any point in getting married until we started talking children. In one sense, I did, and do, have a great respect for marriage. Once married, I view it as a lifelong commitment. That might be common in places where gay marriage is legal. I don't know. If it is common, though, I think it's because an awful lot of people take ses very lightly, and just don't bother with marriage. Like me, prior to the point at which my fiancee stopped taking the little pills.

I think that attitude would be very common, and accelerated, by acceptance of gay marriage. Is that good or bad? You decide.
 
And again, Dave, could you post the numbers you think are relevant? I'm not just asking to be annoying :), I’m unclear on exactly what measurement and which countries you’re using.

Also, regarding your last post, if he’s going to stick with marriage rate, Kurtz should also take South Africa into account. I was mistaken, they already implemented SSM and they are in the top 10 of countries with the highest marriage rate (Funny, you want the ideal country with low divorce, high marriage, go to Libya!).

I'm not going to do a great deal of research, because we're on page 32. I'm sure it will come up again. However, if Kurtz looks at South Africa, he might look at this paper, from 2004.

http://www.hsrc.ac.za/media/2004/8/20040805Paper2.pdf

It says divorce and cohabitation rates were on the rise in South Africa.

As for Libya, I'm confident that they have a great deal of respect for marriage. Likewise Iran and Saudi Arabia and other hellholes. Probably Ireland, too, with its rather repressive sexual laws, although I understand it's catching up to Europe as well.

I'm not trying to pass moral judgement, just saying what things are.

To reiterate my personal position, I think that the most important thing to society is that some sort of very strong marriage option be available, but not required. To me, everything else is secondary, including the inclusion of same sex marriage. While I support gay marriage, I think the general attitude of its supporters is not good for long term society.

Scot, if you could convince Ken and ImaginalDisc that you were right about marriage, then I would have much more enthusiasm for your position.:)
 
But they take it so seriously that they don't bother getting married.

Is that a bad thing? Is it wrong for people to take marriage so seriously that they don't participate in it until they are very, very certain that they are marrying the right person?

I think the acceptance of same-sex marriage will only really affet the attitudes that homosexuals feel towards marriage, myself. I don't know many, or any heterosexuals that reference homosexual relationships when it pertains to their own relationships.

While I support gay marriage, I think the general attitude of its supporters is not good for long term society.

And what attitude would that be?
 
I'm not going to do a great deal of research, because we're on page 32. I'm sure it will come up again. However, if Kurtz looks at South Africa, he might look at this paper, from 2004.

http://www.hsrc.ac.za/media/2004/8/20040805Paper2.pdf

It says divorce and cohabitation rates were on the rise in South Africa.

Kind of small, isn’t it? Divorce rose less than 0.5% for all the categories studies according to Fig 2G and marriage is down between 2 and 5% between 1996 and 2001. And too bad they don’t have data since SSM was implemented; it may have stopped and reversed this trend, as it did the Scandinavian countries ;).

But nevertheless it’s still in the top ten of every country! SSM didn’t happen where they think marriage is “no big deal”, nor did it happen that way in Spain. I’m wondering still what specific numbers make Kurts think the populations of Scandinavia think marriage is “no big deal”.

It’s certainly not your claim in action: “I think countries where gay marriage is legal tend to have low marriage rates.” It’s just the opposite. Now are you saying a increase in divorce (or decrease in marriage), no matter how slight and no matter how strongly marriage is “respected” in terms of marriages per capita and divorces per marriage tends to lead to SSM for a country?

As for Libya, I'm confident that they have a great deal of respect for marriage. Likewise Iran and Saudi Arabia and other hellholes. Probably Ireland, too, with its rather repressive sexual laws, although I understand it's catching up to Europe as well.

That’s it, isn’t it? For the past couple of decades people have been living under less and less oppressive/restrictive governments and societies. Most everyone has been becoming less and less like Iran. No doubt that increases divorce rates, and leads to people living how they want to (even in South Africa). I can even remember, when I was a kid, that, while abuse was no doubt wrong, it still seemed immoral for a woman to leave an abusive husband (again, I was in an abnormally conservative culture). That’s not a part of my culture anymore and, no doubt, divorce went up for it. But that is not the effect of gay marriage.

To reiterate my personal position, I think that the most important thing to society is that some sort of very strong marriage option be available, but not required. To me, everything else is secondary, including the inclusion of same sex marriage. While I support gay marriage, I think the general attitude of its supporters is not good for long term society.

I hate it when we go pages and just end up agreeing. Makes it all seem a waste.

BUT, I’d add a “some” or "a few" to your “of it’s supporters.”

Scot, if you could convince Ken and ImaginalDisc that you were right about marriage, then I would have much more enthusiasm for your position.:)

Ken and ID have their points. They are looking at it from a different angle than I am, but I’m not going to fight two supporters just to make another supporter more enthusiastic. :)

Eh, I’ll do it once though, just for you. Okay, I’ll play Meadmaker: ( :) I’ve thought it’d be a interesting to do a gay marriage thread where we had to take the other’s side… Actually, I’d want to be Huntster, rather than Mead, seems like more fun. Ken, you could be Meadmaker, and Meadmaker would be ID. And, hmm… ID would be me… What happened to Jen, anyway? Miss her, I do).

Ken (no offence Ken, just a little bored here, kid napping…).
That's bad for society?

It’s bad for society if it’s not about love, but it’s also bad if it’s only about love.

The way I see it, they, marriage and love, feed off each other. Love makes you want to sacrifice. It makes the obligations of marriage seem like rights. But love, for many, fades with time. When you can’t yourself find a reason to work at maintaining it, that’s where marriage comes most strongly into play for many people; not when they love, but when they begin to stop loving. It gives more motivation to attend to love, to keep their obligations, sometimes even to find a way to love someone they stopped loving completely.

Kid’s, though not nessesary for marriage, make all that all the more important, because now it’s not just you and your partner. You’ve added a person to the deal, who never asked to be added in the first place, and they depend on you, as a couple, not you as individuals. You owe them all, big time, love or no.

Actually, that was probably more my opinion than playing Meadmaker, but I bet I’m kind of close. :)
 
One more thing:
I'm not trying to make a moral judgement here on this issue. I cohabited twice in my life without benefit of clergy, and I have had what is by today's standards a small number of sex partners, but would have been considered promiscuous in the ancient past. (Between 5 and 10). I stayed single until I was 34. Although I might do some things differently if I had it to do over again, I feel zero guilt in any moral sense on the subject.

Does that mean I had a great respect for marriage? Not exactly. What it means is I didn't see any point in getting married until we started talking children. In one sense, I did, and do, have a great respect for marriage. Once married, I view it as a lifelong commitment. That might be common in places where gay marriage is legal. I don't know. If it is common, though, I think it's because an awful lot of people take ses very lightly, and just don't bother with marriage. Like me, prior to the point at which my fiancee stopped taking the little pills.

Here’s the kicker (for me at least). You’re a harlot, Dave!!! ;)

Anecdote in response to Dave's anecdote (The rest of you can skip)

I’ve always wanted marriage, then kids. I thought those plans were ruined after puberty gave me its big surprise, at about age 14. After a year of mourning and trying to change, I came out first to my parents. But, to my awe, my parents still stood beside me and so I went on relatively unscathed.

Never met another gay person until about a year later and when I did I found “free love” was plentiful. I could have had sex with many many gorgeous people. All those kids rejected by their parents, they wanted anything they could get that even resembled love, but I was waiting for marriage. True love waits, and if I hadn’t I'd have felt a great deal of guilt…

At first I tried to date. Dated a bit up to the point where I could see they weren’t marriage material. That’s putting it lightly; one of the two guys I dated was kicked out of his home a couple years before I met him; he went mad, tried to manhandle me into sex, and committed suicide at the age of 18. After that shock I stopped associating with any gay people for near a year. I basically waited until I found someone with the same ideals and ideas on marriage and family. Gratefully found him at the age of 18. We had the big talk about our plans and we’ve never been apart since and neither of us has ever been with another in our entire life and I’m sure I never will, even if he dies. We were even married before we got our first home together.

I think you, Dave, are out to destroy marriage!

Edit for a ;) for that last sentence, just in case it's needed...
 
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It gives more motivation to attend to love, to keep their obligations, sometimes even to find a way to love someone they stopped loving completely.

If someone has to work hard at "loving" another, then it seems to me that it's an artificial love and not worth working towards at all. Marriage is about love, and if the love goes, I see no problem with the marriage going as well. I also see no harm to society.
 
I’ve always wanted marriage, then kids.

Sure, Scot. You think that's what marriage is about? You moron! You numbskull! What the heck is wrong with you? The rest of us understand the real world and real marriage! You can go back to the past if you like but don't drag the rest of us there. Have fun watching, what were their names? Oh, yeah. Ozzie and Harry.;)


ETA: You weren't kind of close. You were dead on accurate.
 
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I've always wanted marriage and I"m still not sure if I want kids or not.

Marriage is not about kids.
 
It's not not about kids either.

It has nothing to do with kids. Marriage is about the commitment two people want to make to stay together. If they want to include children in that commitment, fine. However, married people can also include pets, houses and S&M as part of their commitment as well. Children are not a necessary ingredient for a marriage.
 
It’s bad for society if it’s not about love, but it’s also bad if it’s only about love.

What is "it" in this sentence. Marriage?

Because if so, you have just implied that my marriage is bad for society. Congratulations for falling into the meadmaker trap. Your offense is noted.

You can't apply group properties to individuals. Yes, it's bad for society if too many marriages are only about love. But that does not mean that no marriages shouldn't be only about love. As long as there are enough children containing marriages to sustain the society, then society can handle a huge range of possibilities, including marriages basedly solely on love, solely on children, or even solely on money, with no ill-effects at all. Moreover, the _prohibition_ or condemnation of any of those could be considered a negative effect on a free society.

As far as I can see, our society is well-operating in terms of sustaining the population, and IMO it could use a little regulation. Hence, I think increasing the extent of marriages based on love but no children would not harm the US at all. Now is more non-married people would stop populating the country, we would have even more improvement.
 
What is "it" in this sentence. Marriage?

Because if so, you have just implied that my marriage is bad for society. Congratulations for falling into the meadmaker trap. Your offense is noted.

And I knew it was a trap too! I also knew that sentence was a too simplistic and slogan-ish, and probably shouldn’t have used it, but I’m a sucker for slogans. Still, that’s why I went into detail in the next paragraph, which, ironically enough, only focuses on love and it’s maintenance (the added part to that bolded “only”).

Anyway, no offence intended. If you’re not the sort to just sit back, not sacrifice a bit, and let your partner do all the work for you, and you are the type to keep to whatever promisses you made, then, I hope you can see my comments had no aim on you.

Funny, with the broad way the word love can be used today, I could have just as easily said “It’s bad for society if it’s only about love, but it’s also bad if it’s only about love”, but that’d not be clear.

You can't apply group properties to individuals. Yes, it's bad for society if too many marriages are only about love. But that does not mean that no marriages shouldn't be only about love. As long as there are enough children containing marriages to sustain the society, then society can handle a huge range of possibilities, including marriages basedly solely on love, solely on children, or even solely on money, with no ill-effects at all. Moreover, the _prohibition_ or condemnation of any of those could be considered a negative effect on a free society.

I also made clear I thought marriage is not necessarily about children, and I certainly don’t think childless marriages should be condemned. I sincerely hope I didn’t give that impression.

Now, when people do have children, even though the law doesn’t directly make it so, marriage can’t help but be about them. That’s near all you can think about, and the kids have a larger stake in the marriage than their parents. But I guess it’s not solely about kids even then; you still need to maintain your relationship with their other parent. Again, all the components seem to feed off each other.
 
[Falling deeper into MeadMaker’s devious hands…]

Ken,
If someone has to work hard at "loving" another, then it seems to me that it's an artificial love and not worth working towards at all. Marriage is about love, and if the love goes, I see no problem with the marriage going as well. I also see no harm to society.

Sure, one marriage means next to nothing to society, but it can mean a lot to your family and friends. They stood there as you assured them in public ceremony they could count on you, as a couple. Some of them stood by your side; they may have heard you promise till death do you part, and all that. At every marriage I’ve witnessed, the couple did in fact promise to love, and I did take them at their word.

Of course, if you have children, it can mean a whole hell of a lot to them. That’s why MeadMaker keeps pointing to them. Not because you’re relationship or the vast majority of gay relationships are worthless, they certainly aren't, but because they become more valuable to many more people if kids come into the picture.

Edit: Man, I'm going to get in trouble again!

Maybe kids never do happen, but wouldn’t you expect the stakes and dynamics of your marriage would change with kids involved?

Anyway, in my experience, for many people out there, it does take conscious effort to love and be loved. If they waited for it to be 100% effortless on their part, they'd wait alone till death. They have to debate their choices, to do something loving or selfish, like go to the nudey bar or go home, or drink another beer or lay off the stuff. Have you not seen this in some of your family or friends?

It may not seem like effort or work to you; it doesn’t seem like that to me either. Nevertheless, most my day is spent working, happily as it may be, one way or another for those I love, and if I stopped working for them and spent my days fulfilling my needs only, they’d not be loved.

I guess that's why it's tricky. Love is both precious and comfortable. It’s like breathing; you can do it with ease and take it for granted for years but, once you have to work for it, it’s a whole different animal.
 
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Originally Posted by Huntster :
Nope.

Violated by the sexual revolution, a lack of will to fight crime, a lack of will to enforce national immigration law, unreasonably broad interpretation of the U.S. Constitution (allowing federal usurpation of states and individual rights), support for such insane policies as abortion, distain for the military and military preparedness/power, surrender of national sovereignty for the illusion of global brotherhood,.........................

Yes but huntster, you yourself have said that since we live in a democratic republic, majority rules. Or are you asserting that some things should not be decided by the majority?


No, I don't, if indeed these policies were decided by the majority. Many of the problems listed above are the products of appellate courts, which are commonly accused of being partisan/ideological, and do not reflect the will of the masses.

Still, I'm game to let it go to hell in a handbasket. It's all part of the cycle, I suppose.
 

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