And Nothing Heard My Scream

[Roboramma]

Not only that he could justify it, but that he would commit serial murder.

Which is the stupid thing about it to me. If he thought about it for a minute, he'd realise he wouldn't.

 

[aggle-rithm]

The anger boiled and erupted inside me with a volcano’s force, rose up through my guts and out my mouth in a primal scream of rage so crystalline and pure it threw my mind reeling and shaking into horror.

I'm familiar with this feeling. It's called "existential angst". It's brought about by trying to reconcile incompatible belief systems.

Get some help, Jeff!

 

[Jekyll]

"I had a gene I didn't like once," I said to the corpse, "so I changed it. If I can change my genes, I am controlling my genes. They surely are not controlling me. How incredibly stupid, my friend."

What fresh woo is this?

 

[tkingdoll]

And to think there are some people here who still don't understand why it's important that members of this forum give their real name and birthdates upon joining...

 

[Tirdun]

Ah, the argument that atheism leads to inhumanity in a disgusting new form! How are you my tired old friend? Oh, I am so sorry. Dredged up and shoved into a new suit, paraded about with your tattered and rotten innards showing. Such abuse you must be forced to endure.

 

[El_Spectre]

It frightens me to think that there are actually people who believe that the only thing stopping everyone from killing each other is a fear of punishment.

Well... I'm a fairly decent person who doesn't believe there is any kind of supernatural punishment for killing someone. I have no desire to kill, but can't think of any particular logical reason why it is wrong... am I scary?

Actually, I think that most of my "morals" are derived from a decidedly emotional perspective. I don't rob, kill, cheat, etc. because I empathize with the pain such actions may cause. I suspect that others here may have a similar POV... am I right?

Alternately, I may just have a naive belief in "fairness" that is unjustifiable

 

[bjb]

Overall, I like the story. You can over-analyze it and it will mean whatever you want it to mean. I have to say that it is too long and repetetive, which leads to it being predictable. Cut it down to three kills and the story will be greatly improved.

 

[El_Spectre]

And to think there are some people here who still don't understand why it's important that members of this forum give their real name and birthdates upon joining...

Only reason I can think is to protect the JREF legally (and I'm cool with that). What do you mean by this, tk? That people who make bad arguments need to be easily identifiable?

 

[El_Spectre]

Overall, I like the story. You can over-analyze it and it will mean whatever you want it to mean. I have to say that it is too long and repetetive, which leads to it being predictable. Cut it down to three kills and the story will be greatly improved.

And maybe add a car chase and some explosions... yeah, and aliens. Cool!

 

[tkingdoll]

Only reason I can think is to protect the JREF legally (and I'm cool with that). What do you mean by this, tk? That people who make bad arguments need to be easily identifiable?

No, I was suggesting that the writer sounds like a nutter and if I were the JREF I'd rather know who he was. He's talking about killing skeptics. He's talking about shooting Dawkins. I might even forward his story and name to the police if I thought it was sufficiently alarming.

 

[The_Fire]

I think its more a case of having the name if the OP should show signs of pulling a "kill everything!" stunt of some sort.

ETA: See? I'm paranormal: I can read Tkingdolls mind...sort of....

 

[Luke T.]

Hey, Jeff. Ever hear of "Don't shoot the messenger"?

 

[Steven Howard]

I walked across the page in a fog of dense, confusing prose. Run-on sentences and trite metaphors pounded my face like a luke-warm spoon. I picked my way through the rocks of twisted and spurious logic, looking for one that was strong enough to support an argument. More awkwardly-structured sentences were only a paragraph break away.

I was alone, as I always had been. Maybe if I didn't kill everybody I met -- but, no. Mustn't blame myself. The gun is my friend. The only friend I need.

I came across a dark form, a stranger rendered faceless by the author's lack of skill in characterization. "Hello," he said. "Who are you?"

"I am Jake Nonsequitur, the illogical serial killer. Are you the Easter Bunny? Have you brought me candy?"

"Alas, no. I am the First Straw Man, and I must tell you that there is no Easter Bunny."

"No Easter Bunny? If there's no Easter Bunny, then no one will bring me candy. And if I can't have candy, the only rational thing is to become a diabetic." And so I shot him.

"Wait, why did you shoot me?" he asked, as bits of straw floated through the air.

"I told you I was a serial killer."

"You're right. It was foolish of me to keep talking to you like that. But here," he reached into his pocket and handed me a small bottle. "If you're diabetic now, you'll need this insulin."

Then an alligator ate him. I forget what the alligators represent, but I'm sure they're important.

I walked on, and soon met another stranger, no more interesting than the first. "I am the Second Straw Man," he said.

"And I am Jake Nonsequitur, the illogical diabetic serial killer."

"That's nice. Oh, did you know there's no such thing as Santa Claus?"

"No such thing as Santa Claus? But then I won't get any Christmas presents. And if I can't have any Christmas presents, the only rational thing is to become Jewish." And so I shot him, too.

"Wait, before I'm eaten by alligators, you'll need this." As he died, he handed me a dreidl. Then he was eaten by alligators.

I walked on, and -- what are the odds? -- I met another mysterious, undescribed stranger. "I am the Ghost of Christmas Past," he began.

"Wrong story", I whispered.

"Oh, sorry. I am the Third Straw Man."

"Pleased to meet you. I'm Jake Nonsequitur, the illogical diabetic Jewish serial killer."

"If I tell you something, will you promise not to kill me?"

"Okay."

"Cool. Polygraph machines don't really show if you're lying or not."

"Really? But if lie detectors don't work, the only rational thing is to become a pathological liar." So I shot him.

"No fair! You became a pathological liar *after* you promised not to shoot me."

"Yeah, but I was already a serial killer and I'm kind of on a roll right now." And then an alligator ate him.

As I walked on, I thought that maybe instead of being eaten by alligators, the straw men should be carried away by flying monkeys, but I was too lazy to go back and change it. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts of alligators and flying monkeys that I almost bumped into the next mysterious stranger.

"Oops," I said. "Sorry. I'm Jake Nonsequitur, the illogical diabetic Jewish pathological liar and serial killer. You must be the Fourth Straw Man."

"I am."

"What can you tell me that will make me want to kill you?"

"Anything at all, apparently."

"Come on, be a sport. Tell me something doesn't exist."

"Okay, ... um, there's no such thing as leprechauns."

"But if there are no leprechauns, then there's no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. And if there's no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, that means rainbows are a lie. Since rainbows are a lie, the only rational thing is to become a homophobe." So I called him a queer and then I shot him.

Alligators or flying monkeys or something took the body away and I walked on until I met my next victim. You guessed it, another mysterious stranger.

"I am Jake Nonsequitur, the illogical homophobic diabetic Jewish pathological liar and serial killer. Are you the Fifth Straw Man?"

"I am."

"And are you going to tell me that something doesn't exist?"

"I am."

"Well, get with it. This is a message board post, not a Stephen King novel."

"Very well. There's no such thing as Bigfoot."

I was stumped. "Bigfoot ... Bigfoot. If Bigfoot doesn't exist, then ... um. Then the Six Million Dollar Man -- no, that's no good."

The Fifth Straw Man smirked at me. "Well? What's the 'only rational thing' to do if there's no Bigfoot?"

"Give me a minute here. It's not easy being an illogical homophobic diabetic Jewish pathological liar and serial killer, having to constantly redefine your lifestyle and personality every time you learn something doesn't exist."

"Can I go, then?"

"No. I think I still get to kill you." And so I shot him. But as I picked him up to throw him in the river, I noticed something odd. There were five bullet holes in his straw body. I'd been killing the same straw man, over and over, all night long!

I did the only rational thing. I quit being an illogical homophobic diabetic Jewish pathological liar and serial killer, and became a Presbyterian dentist with an allergy to string beans.

 

[JM85]

No, I was suggesting that the writer sounds like a nutter and if I were the JREF I'd rather know who he was. He's talking about killing skeptics. He's talking about shooting Dawkins. I might even forward his story and name to the police if I thought it was sufficiently alarming.

Although I don't agree with the message of this story I don't think you should do that. The police wouldn't take you seriously, and they might say it's free speech so he's doing nothing illegal. Yeah I'm guessing this guy has some emotional problems.

 

[tkingdoll]

Although I don't agree with the message of this story I don't think you should do that. The police wouldn't take you seriously, and they might say it's free speech so he's doing nothing illegal. Yeah I'm guessing this guy has some emotional problems.

I can't do that, I'm not the JREF. I thought it was pretty clear that I was saying "if I was the JREF". In fact, that is indicated by the sentence starting "if I was the JREF".

 

[aggle-rithm]

Overall, I like the story. You can over-analyze it and it will mean whatever you want it to mean. I have to say that it is too long and repetetive, which leads to it being predictable. Cut it down to three kills and the story will be greatly improved.

It reads like something C.S. Lewis would come up with after suffering a severe head injury.

 

[JM85]

I can't do that, I'm not the JREF. I thought it was pretty clear that I was saying "if I was the JREF". In fact, that is indicated by the sentence starting "if I was the JREF".

oh right sorry misread. my point still stands that the police wouldn't take seriously.

 

[Tirdun]

I walked across the page in a fog of dense, confusing prose. [...]

I did the only rational thing. I quit being an illogical homophobic diabetic Jewish pathological liar and serial killer, and became a Presbyterian dentist with an allergy to string beans.

4.5 out of 5 supersmilies

You sir, are a gentleman and a scholar. A funny gentleman and diabetic scholar. Good show.

 

[El_Spectre]

No, I was suggesting that the writer sounds like a nutter and if I were the JREF I'd rather know who he was. He's talking about killing skeptics. He's talking about shooting Dawkins. I might even forward his story and name to the police if I thought it was sufficiently alarming.

Ah. I tend to rank "I'd rather" lower than privacy concerns. Also, the information the JREF has (for COPA reasons) isn't particularly useful for tracking someone down (grandstanding notwithstanding).

Besides, even creepy speech is ok... if the dude declared he was going to do something, that might be different, but there are better ways of tracking than name and state/province.

 

[Doubt]

What an interesting universe. In the world that the story is set in, concepts like empathy, compassion and love do not exist. Good thing we don’t live in that universe.

A soul is not required to care about other people. Many animals care for there young without the need of any promise of life after death. Sociopathic behavior is not a good long-term survival strategy. It is not even a good short term one considering the advantages of group action compared one nut with a gun.