Olive branch response, even though I'm not Rolfe.
It all comes back to the red bit above. You seem to see the current situation as the status quo - and the current situation in the US is one that in a whole lot of place, any male at all who says that they feel like a woman on the inside has been granted the privilege of using female spaces and NOT playing nice.
For us, the status quo is what was in place about 10 to 15 years ago. That was the situation you describe in blue. We were okay with that. That wasn't perfect, but it was pragmatic and it was workable.
The status quo got changed perforce, without our consent, and without any discussion with us at all. It got changed in a way that takes away the authority of females over our own sexual boundaries, it removes our right to privacy, and it makes our safety and dignity subordinate to the happy feelings of some males. And it's made worse because there is absolutely no safeguards at all - it is fiat self-id, and it means that LITERALLY any male who wants to be there is allowed to be there simply by saying the magic phrase "I'm a woman". That's all - nothing else is required. This change that happened without our consultation has resulted in:
- Males taking places and positions in female sports that exclude females from our own leagues and competitions
- Males being lauded as "the first/best/highest-paid/etc. female xxx" in some male-dominated field
- Males being placed in shared cells with female prisoners, using open shared showers with them, etc.
- Males showing up naked in showers and changing rooms and spas where females are nude
- And most importantly - Females being branded transphobic hateful bigots and hags if we object to any of this
It has resulted in a decade of absolutely vile harassment of females for the crime of recognizing that sex is real and important, and for wanting to retain our single-sex spaces. It has resulted in males who profess a transgender identity feeling entitled to vocally threaten females with torture, rape, decapitation, physical assaulted, and death for not wanting to relinquish our intimate spaces and services to males.
If I thought it were possible to go back to the status quo that you describe in blue, I'd be happy to do so. But I don't think it's possible. I think that ship has sailed. At this point, I think the only possible course is to codify that single-sex spaces and services are based on actual, real sex.