If another terrorist attack happens on US soil, Gitmo will look like Disneyland, and there will be an Abu Graib on every corner. The Department of Homeland Security will be consolidated with the FCC to form the Department of STFU. The Patriot Act will have thirty-eight pages of additional "law enforcement tools" added, including the granting of subway token booth attendants the power to shoot gate jumpers on sight. The terror alert color code system will open up the jumbo box of crayons. Oregon will finally become a blue state. The Girl Scouts will ban any den mother who has had an abortion. The only postage stamp you will be able to buy is one with the ten commandments on it. Canada will begin a large canal project that will be seen as a thinly veiled attempt to chop themselves off the North American continent. Pat Robertson will require surgery for priapism. And the Democrats will nominate George W. Bush for a third term.