I've knowingly been acquainted with one trans woman over a long period. As a teen, he was "Bob", and identified as a gay male. Moving into adulthood, he came out as trans, and became "Babette". Over a course of years, got surgeries and hormone therapy and the works. At the beginning of the transition, he was registering with me as "Bob in a wig and dress", a "he". It took a while to register that Bob was a woman now. Today, she's a woman to me and I only remember her as a male when I see a pic on the wall of her when she was a he on his baseball team.
Point being, a lot of us are arguing that we are not choosing how to see them. It's just how they are registering. It's what we experience, and being told to deny your very demonstrable reality for an idea in someone else's head is disconcerting.