Protecting THE CHILDREN from the dildo menace.

Achán hiNidráne

Illuminator
Achán hiNidráne
Joined
Jun 23, 2004
Messages
3,974
One politican in Iowa has way too much time on her hands... pardon the pun.

I suppose I'm the only person here who finds this sort of legislation is mind numbling stupid. Face it folks, teenagers are going to masturbate. Why should it make any difference if they're using "any three-dimensional item designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs" or their hands? Why just make underage masturbation illegal and be done with it? (Knowing this country, I'm sure there is such a law, somewhere.)

What do you mean it'd be unenforcable? Since when has that ever stopped the state from passing such laws, especially for "THE CHILDREN?"

Said Pettengill: "When you are worried about people becoming sex offenders and talking about raising family values, we need to have this kind of legislation."
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Huh? How does masturbation with a sex toy lead to "people becoming sex offenders" or threaten "family values?" Wouldn't this woman prefer children engaging in masturbation rather than trying far more risky sexual behaviors, like intercourse? Shouldn't we be raising our teens to have a positive mental outlook regarding sex rather than making them even more confused than they probably already are during that stage of their lives?

Oh yeah, I forgot, this is America. The world will come crashing down around our ears if anyone between the ages of 13-17 experiences an orgasm.

I say again, this is a stupid and intrusive law. There is nothing wrong with masturbation and teenagers should have access to sex toys. It's no more the government's business anymore than it's the business of Dawn Pettengill!
 
Energy independance has to start somewhere. The money we spend on D-cells goes directly to the terrorists.
 
Also, sex toys are commonly made of silicone. And what is the raw material of silicone? SAND! Sand, like they have in Saudi Arabia. Why are you supporting the terrorists, Mark?
 
Cylinder said:
Energy independance has to start somewhere. The money we spend on D-cells goes directly to the terrorists.
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*cough* ... you mean, of course, that you've been told that these sex toys often take size D batteries... *cough*
 
Dildos don't take batteries. Vibrators do. Or so I've heard...

Hmm, aren't prostitutes marketed as "useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs"? And why specifically "human" genital organs? Are sheep dildos okay?
 
I suggest you run a few double blind tests and get back to us with the results. All in the interest of science, of course.
 
A bill would make it illegal for nonparents to allow minors to see or have 'certain sexual devices.'
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I dunno, I think your first dildo should come from someone other than your parents. I think the last thing a 13/14 year old wants is mom or dad giving them a masturbatory tool.
 
Mycroft said:
I dunno, I think your first dildo should come from someone other than your parents. I think the last thing a 13/14 year old wants is mom or dad giving them a masturbatory tool.
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OTOH, that might be more effective in keeping them from using it than legislation :rolleyes:.

Hans
 
I c**t believe how cocksure these dicks are! The clock is slowly winding down on the pro-phallics. Tick. Tock. Soon, the anti-sex militants will be marching on all of us. These supposedly righteous members will all be in our face!

We need to stand together against this. Form a new bond (Age appropriate).

Edited by Lisa Simpson: 
Edited for Rule 8.
 
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Personally I don't think it goes far enough, what about cucumbers, bananas etc. I think state funding should go to genetic research to alter these fruits disgusting shape.

Further you always keep hearing stories about people in hospital emergency departments with interesting objects in places where they shouldn't be, so I think the only long term solution (once the cucumber problem has been solved) is legislation to outlaw the production and use of all tools. It's in the best interests of the children and family values after all.
 
It would be more effective, I think, to outlaw the use of hands. Statistics show that 99% of onanist acts and 98.5% of marital aid incidents - not to mention a full 100% of the hospital incidents to which you refer - involve the use of hands in support of, or even directly performing, those acts.

Amputation. Is there any problem it can't solve?
 
Mid said:
Personally I don't think it goes far enough, what about cucumbers, bananas etc. I think state funding should go to genetic research to alter these fruits disgusting shape.
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:mad: Beat me to it!

Of course, we could solve this problem without genetic engineering simply by passing a law that "elongate vegetables" must be sold pre-sliced.
 
David Swidler said:
It would be more effective, I think, to outlaw the use of hands. Statistics show that 99% of onanist acts and 98.5% of marital aid incidents - not to mention a full 100% of the hospital incidents to which you refer - involve the use of hands in support of, or even directly performing, those acts.

Amputation. Is there any problem it can't solve?
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I did consider that option, however I've seen a few TV programs that featured people born without hands and they were very adapt with their feet so I think, allowing for a bit of ingenuity on their part, amputation would limit but not stop the problem. I suppose amputation of both hands and feet could be the solution, however I though it might be a tad extreme.
 
The problem with dildos is that they remove the "I fell onto a bag of shopping" excuse when one arrives at hospital trying to retreive lost or wedged items.
 
Just out of interest, how does the proposed legislation compare to similar laws regarding gun control? I have no idea about the restrictions on kids owning/having access to handguns, but if it's similar to what's propsed for marital aids, does that mean they think sex toys are as dangerous as guns?
 
David Swidler said:
It would be more effective, I think, to outlaw the use of hands. Statistics show that 99% of onanist acts and 98.5% of marital aid incidents - not to mention a full 100% of the hospital incidents to which you refer - involve the use of hands in support of, or even directly performing, those acts.

Amputation. Is there any problem it can't solve?
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It won't do anything to stop those evil armless women from squatting over the bathroom plunger.
 
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