What if a hot-blooded hetero cisman gets attracted to - and turned on by - a beautiful, confident woman at the next table to him in a restaurant? And then he overhears that his hormones have actually been stirred into action by...... a transwoman?!
Should he perhaps march over to her and demand an apology for making him feel so stupid and cheated in his now-wasted lust for her?
What a weird scenario! Presumably he's just put the whole matter aside and get on with his meal. Just as he'd do if he overheard she was a Republican, or married, or underage, or a prostitute, or whatever else happens to be a turn-off for him.
It's not like she brought him all the way into the bedroom, then revealed her penis, and now he's legitimately upset that he wasted a lot of time and emotional energy on a bait-and-switch.
Ideally, both partners would talk about intercourse, where they're coming from and what they're looking for, long before it ever gets to the bedroom. And in that scenario, I think it'd be totally reasonable and appropriate for the hetero man to say, I'm sorry, but my sexual attraction does not lie, and I'm simply not attracted to you in that way. (Assuming that's how he actually feels. And I also think it's totally reasonable to be sexually attracted to someone who successfully passes, and have that attraction evaporate once the object of their affections isn't passing anymore.
Do you not think these are reasonable things?
I can't think this whole line of argument is going to end very well (logically-speaking) for you. But I'm sure you'll tell me how my example is entirely unrelated in every way to what you're describing... : thumbsup :
Do you seriously believe that your sexual attraction is determined by your partner's self-identity, rather than your own perception of your partner?
(PS: If you want another counterexample to do the same treatment to.... how about a hetero cisman starting to date a ciswoman; they are both really into each other, and after several dates the man's thoughts turn to sex (intercourse) - something which to him is an extremely important component of any relationship - but it's at this point the woman tells him that because of serious complications from endometriosis, she's unable to have intercourse. Should our man feel cheated and slighted that this woman has - somehow, and in his eyes - misrepresented herself to him from the get-go?)
Maybe.
People go into relationships with a lot of assumptions and expectations. A promising start doesn't always lead to a satisfying conclusion. A lot of people start slow and broach various subjects slowly, feeling out the boundaries and potential of the relationship over several encounters. Things often start casually, with few demands, and get more serious and (demanding) as more is learned and compatibility is gradually established.
So it depends. The scenario you describe sounds like they've reached a point in the relationship where it makes sense to talk more openly about sexual expectations. In that scenario, if the dude is mad it's because he's been putting the cart before the horse, and assuming the relationship was going to proceed in a certain way before he had full information. There's all kinds of reasons why a relationship might not end in sex. Dude shouldn't be getting ahead of himself like that.
On the other hand, if he's been proposing sex for a while, and instead of shutting him down she's been deferring the issue and going on more dates like eventually she'll thaw... then maybe he's got a legit reason to be a little annoyed.
But like Meadmaker said, remember where this sidebar came from: People being "surprised" that heterosexual men aren't often sexually attracted to men who identify as women. Men who pass as women, sure, right up to the point where they stop passing. What does your logic have to say about that? Do those professions of surprise make sense to you?
What? This makes no sense. Transwomen are male.
