I think you have to judge a particular exercise based on the goals set out for that exercise.
When I'm teaching someone to do a handstand, one of the first things I do is to teach them to fall. During the course of a particular session we might then work on a lot of other details, like how to use the grip of the fingers control balance, the alignment of each part of the body, the right way to support and elevate from the shoulders, how to come back to balance if you do start to fall, etc.
But they're going to fall. I don't judge the success of a session based on whether or not the student fell. I judge it based on how well they learned the specific skills we were working on. If it turns out that they don't fall once during a session that would probably be a good sign, but it could also be because they're staying in their comfort zone and not working on the specific skills I'm teaching. I often tell my students "you're trying too hard not to fall".
On the other hand if they're giving a performance, falling is definitely a sign of failure.
With respect to the Starship, it's in the development phase. They're trying to learn specific lessons that can be applied to the next iteration. I think judging success or failure based on whether or not they are learning those lessons seems entirely reasonable.
Not blowing up would probably be a good sign, but I don't think it's the point here.
On the other hand once they've progressed beyond development to actually launching things into orbit, blowing up will definitely be a failure.