It is very interesting how these conversations go round and round and round, covering the same ground over and over. To me, TragicMonkey hit the big question on the head yesterday, but if I think about it, I think it's the biggest question, but I don't think it's the only question. I see three that matter.
1. Should we have man/woman segregation for spaces and activities? (spaces. e.g. locker rooms. activities, e.g. sporting competitions.)
2. How do we decide if a person is a man or a woman?
3. If we have segregation, what exceptions, if any, should be made for unusual circumstances?
There's still a whole heck of a lot of room for disagreement on those issues, but in my opinion, if people would at least answer those questions honestly instead of ducking and weaving around the uncomfortable ones, it would be easier to either resolve the conflict, or identify areas where no compromise is possible.
Item number 3 in particular is very vague, and has lots of room for disagreement, but, once again in my opinion, the answer to that is so strongly influenced by items 1 and 2 that if people would be honest in their answers to those, the framework for understanding their position and/or resolving the conflict would just be so much easier.
In case anyone cares, my answers.
1. Yes.
2. If person A is capable of having sexual intercourse with person B, with the result that person B becomes pregnant, that is a sufficient condition to conclude that person A is a man and person B is a woman. If you don't understand the phrase "sufficient condition", look it up. I'm using it in the sense of formal logic, if p, then q.
(At this point I could extend the description to cover children and old people and medical conditions and injuries, but I won't. It's possible to do so, and you all know what the answers would be, so I won't play the games. There is an exception, and that is that there are a very, very, small number of people who are sufficiently intersexed that I might actually have difficulty making a decision. If this were real life, I would defer to an expert committee that has time to work out the fine points.)
3. I would allow exceptions to the default segregation rules in line with Darat's post from a couple of days ago. Once again, I will defer nitpicking about very specific details to the expert committee that would have to write the fine points for the actual legislators and/or rulemakers.
Note that it is my opinion that any answers to all three questions, and any combination of answers, could be given without hatred, bigotry, or any of the usual insults. I suppose some people would disagree. I suppose some people would say that anyone who, like me, says that men can't have babies is a bigot and a hater and whatever else they want to say. I can't change those minds, so I'll just say if this be bigotry, let's make the most of it.