Ten questions to ask an alien

[alfaniner]

This is an amazing coincidence. I've had the book sitting on my nightstand for months, and just finished rereading it last night. When I went to put it away, I saw a Post-It marker that I had attached to one of the pages. I had put it right at that paragraph of "Ten Questions to ask an Alien", to remind me to see if there was a JREF topic for it (and if not, create one). It was late, I was lazy, and I figured it had already been done, so I removed the marker and put the book away.

Apparently, right around that exact time, this thread was being created. Spooky....

 

[El Greco]

If they were way more advanced than us, I don't think they'd sit around answering questions. It's possible that they'd zap us even before we became aware of their existence.

 

[Mojo]

Why did you have to let us have Michael Knighton back?

 

[fruit_loup]

It would most likely involve questions of a sexual nature. Who wouldn't want to hold the claim of being the first "earthling" to get it on with an alien. Especially if they are unusually flexible, very attractive, and can manipulate your brain in strange alien ways. Of course i would probably wind up meeting an anal probe fetishist and just asking where the socks that vanish in the dryer go.

 

[Bronze Dog]

Aside from the possibility of making out with a hot alien babe:

"Can you show me how to make a lightsaber?"

If he starts quoting the Prime Directive, pummel his [keister] until he gives you the schematics... Unless he has a lightsaber on hand.

 

[Starthinker]

Aside from the possibility of making out with a hot alien babe:

"Can you show me how to make a lightsaber?"

If he starts quoting the Prime Directive, pummel his [keister] until he gives you the schematics... Unless he has a lightsaber on hand.

I was always told not to mix metaphores, does the same etiquette apply to sci-fi shows?

I'd ask, why me? Why didn't you contact the President or United Nations?

 

[petre]

Well, if we are assuming the alien visitors are more intelligent (and not some fool that managed to steal a starship and point it at our blue ball) then I think the best first question would be...

What question should I be asking you?

 

[c4ts]

Well, if we are assuming the alien visitors are more intelligent (and not some fool that managed to steal a starship and point it at our blue ball) then I think the best first question would be...

What question should I be asking you?

"How will our minerals and cerebral fluids benefit the Xkasafian Hive Empire?"

 

[edge]

Even if you had the answers you won't listen and believe the story.

I'll give you this much their power source is 666.
They are very evasive.

They won't answer a direct question.

And you won't listen.

 

[Ceritus]

hrmm

"Can you speak English?"

"Can you supply me with some hard evidence of your visit so even the most skeptical of minds would believe?"

"Can you stick around for a little bit so I can have you meet James Randi and a few other people"

"Do you happen to have some detailed history books of your civilization or an encyclopedia of sorts?"

"Can I have a copy of your most advanced science and mathematical books"

"Could you translate those books into english"

"Could I hear what you think is the most beautiful music your species has ever produced?"

"What is your interest with humanity"

"How did you get here?"

"What can I do for you?"

 

[Bronze Dog]

Even if you had the answers you won't listen and believe the story.

I'll give you this much their power source is 666.
They are very evasive.

They won't answer a direct question.

And you won't listen.

This, from someone who dodges and retreats when he fails a test.

You'd be surprised how much we actually listen. The problem is that there isn't a great deal of content.

 

[Freakshow]

Imagine being given parts from a computer from a more advanced civilization.

I'd try to play Half-Life on it.

 

[Rasmus]

I'd try to play Half-Life on it.

... can you imagine trying to get the graphic card to woirk properly, or hunting down the correct drivers?

 

[kalen]

Can I take your ship for a spin?

I'll bring it back, I promise....

 

[Zax63]

(spoken very slowly and loudly) Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?

On the serious side - how about a safe, cheap, clean energy source.

 

[Bronze Dog]

Welcome to the forum, Zax. You could ask a better question, though. I suppose next, you'll ask for silly things cures for fatal diseases, world hunger, and politicians.

 

[luchog]

"Are you returning Glen Miller?"

 

[BillC]

"Why exactly did you drain the water out of that swimming pool belonging to that woman in the Montel Show audience?"

 

[El Greco]

"Can you speak English?"

Of course I can, stupid.

"Can you supply me with some hard evidence of your visit so even the most skeptical of minds would believe?"

I can, but I won't.

"Can you stick around for a little bit so I can have you meet James Randi and a few other people"

Oh, don't worry about it. I'll stick around for more than you'd ever imagine.

"Do you happen to have some detailed history books of your civilization or an encyclopedia of sorts?"

Books ? What do you think we are, animals ? All the available information is readily being coded on our genes.

"Can I have a copy of your most advanced science and mathematical books"

You really have an obsession with books, haven't you ?

"Could you translate those books into english"

You know, you start to get on my nerves with those books of yours.

"Could I hear what you think is the most beautiful music your species has ever produced?"

Sorry, we don't have what you call "music". We have a type of sensor that can recognize a much greater array of signals than your "eyes", "ears" or "receptors". Besides, we don't need "music" because "entertainment" is not a part of our civilization.

"What is your interest with humanity"

Uhmm.... we need some carbon.

"How did you get here?"

Would you believe me if I told you "by foot" ?

"What can I do for you?"

Thanks, but you can't do much. We'll help oursleves. Mwahahahahahaha!

 

[Ryan O'Dine]

Seems to me, in all seriousness, the purpose of deriving such questions -- and making them public -- would be to ask the next abductee Did you ask The Question?, and immediately know if they had actually encountered an alien race by the answer.

In other words, it's a tool for verification purposes.